Hermit The Hog

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Flutes – Hot Chip

Wake up.

Slide out of bed.

Onto my knees.

Groan. Continue Reading »

Bang. Bang. Ba. Ng.

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Roxanne – Strange Talk

Birthday. Birthmonth. Bert on! Beach. Party. Celebration. Malibu. Malibooze. Maliboobs! Paradise. Cove. Kaw. Bird. Shrimp. Wine. Cocktails. Lounge chairs. Hi life. Hello living. Drink. Glass. My. Hand. Gulp. Pause. Laugh. Another drin- Plop. Huh? Seagull. Kaw. Kaw. KAAWW! Flying. Attacking. Dropping. Dumping. Plopping. Into. Glass. Hand. Mine. Dunk. Lucky? Me!

So that was a fun birthday. Speaking of… Continue Reading »

It Was All A Dream…

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(This shall be the first part of a however-many-parts-it-takes-parter series about my recent mighty adventure to Heaven and Hell. Split it up. One blogaruu all on its own could be a tad long perhaps indeed. Read. On!)

This Sweet Love (Prins Thomas Sneaky Edit) – James Yuill

Like all mighty trips to heaven, I didn’t sleep much the night before. Packing. Shaving. Showering. Procrastinating. You know, the usual. Gibber. Maybe an hour and half worth of kippage. Woke up. Freaked. Oh dear God: Did I sleep in? Miss it all? Again? Phew. Nay. And then you hear the horn. Honk honk. Car service. At your service. Outside the door. Here. Ready. Let’s do it. Let’s go. Adventure. On!

As a wise owl once said: Private jets are Continue Reading »

Book Trailer. And… ANOTHER Leaked Chapter?!

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Hello fine folk of le blogaruu. How are you? That’s nice. Just got back from the most mightiest trip ever. First stop was a blissful couple of weeks in heaven. (Private tropical island with miles and miles of pink sand, rum punches and no bodies.) Followed by a brief detour in hell. (Vegas. Stag party. Fun. Funk. Fear.) All adventures shall soon be scribbled down. Normal blogaruu service shall soon be resumed. The whole writing a book affair really put a dampener on things. Awful altogether. Subjecting you to those Joke of the Day monstrosities. Tut.

Unfortunately I am now, as we say, goosed. So I must sleep. Rest. Be merry. And then I’ll scribble the gibber. To tie you over, I found this mighty book trailer for RanDumber. (Out. Very. Soon!)

And also, I just found out someone has leaked another chapter from said book. How on earth is it being leaked drip by drip? Who would do such a thing?! Tut.

Read. On.

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 2 Leaked

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Lovin’ You – Minnie Riperton

Jiggling Jugs!

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No Diggity – Chet Faker 

Tough week. Realised a few things. Such as: My ability to make women puke is still going strong. Take yesterday. Setting up to DJig. Girl comes over to me. Big. Drunk. Mexican. (Big as in overweight. Drunk as in demented. Mexican as in Meximerican.) Stands in front of me. Starts pointing. Swaying. Pointing. Slurring. ‘You’rrrre verrree goood luuk inn.’ Why thank you. Suddenly her head dips. And then she pukes all over her own feet. Delightful. Looks back up at me. Smiles. And before I could ask if she was OK, she puked again. Beautiful. Thankfully her friends carried her off (with one oddly rubbing her breasts the entire time. Giving me dirty looks when I looked at her do so. Is that a girl thing?)

More good news: My ability to make girls Continue Reading »

Watch Me Wow!

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Short film of Randumb book whuring at the LA Book Festival. Mighty dancing. Imagine: This went on for hours! Amazing. Filum on!

P.S Apparently you can call anything a short film these days.