New Website – Come Hither – markhayes.tv

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Tropical Hayes!

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For reasons unknown, all names shall be culled from this blogaruu. Except for mine. I’m going full on narcissistic. Tropical Hayes all the way!

So it’s the day after Halloween. Actually, the night. Limo pulls up outside my abode. It’s time. Put on my private jet pants. Grab my bag. Scuttle out. Hop in. High fives. Hello’s it going. And we’re on our way. Bob Hope airport. Here we dumb. Get lost en route. Find it again. Arrive. Punch in a code. Drive through a gate. Get out of the car. Look at our jet. Say hi to the pilot. And just walk on. The mightiest way to travel. No lines. No queues. No security. In. On. Out. Mighty!

Must say, this jet was the best I’ve been on. Leather here. Plush there. King size bed in the back. Pardon? What do you mean? A bed? In the back? Yes. A big old bed in the back. Mile-high-ty! We sit down. Hostess brings us a round of champagne. When in a Rome… Cheers! Wheels start rolling. You’re getting comfortable. And then suddenly you’re up, up and wahey! Way faster than a regular jet. Almost goes up like an elevator. Shwooop. Air born again. New beginning. On our way to an island in the Caribbean. Pants off. Caribb on! Continue Reading »

#16 – Steak Joke

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Need You Tonight – Inxs

Alright. Calm down. Part III on the way. Tad busy today. Until my write is on, why not laugh heartily along to some steak humour: Joke of the Day – Wahey!

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: GO HERE!

It Was All A Dream… (Part II)

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Dreadlock Holiday – 10cc

‘Hey mon… Hey womon… Hey wom-on, come sit on my lap wom-on. I take good care of you my wom-on, OK. You no need to worry about any of that no more my wom-on. You be my white prin-cess…’

Within an hour of landing, I had become a fully fledged Pirate of the Caribbean. (Illegally downloaded a copy of RanDumb from a torrent site. Say nothing.) Within a week of landing, this pirate had been transformed. Adventure. On! 

So we land. Get off the jet. And then what? Drive through a pitch black rainforest, past pineapple fields, up to the top of a mountain, to a secluded hidden restaurant that turns out to also be an art gallery, overlooking the island – Check!

My mouth started Continue Reading »

It Was All A Dream…

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(This shall be the first part of a however-many-parts-it-takes-parter series about my recent mighty adventure to Heaven and Hell. Split it up. One blogaruu all on its own could be a tad long perhaps indeed. Read. On!)

This Sweet Love (Prins Thomas Sneaky Edit) – James Yuill

Like all mighty trips to heaven, I didn’t sleep much the night before. Packing. Shaving. Showering. Procrastinating. You know, the usual. Gibber. Maybe an hour and half worth of kippage. Woke up. Freaked. Oh dear God: Did I sleep in? Miss it all? Again? Phew. Nay. And then you hear the horn. Honk honk. Car service. At your service. Outside the door. Here. Ready. Let’s do it. Let’s go. Adventure. On!

As a wise owl once said: Private jets are Continue Reading »

Book Trailer. And… ANOTHER Leaked Chapter?!

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Hello fine folk of le blogaruu. How are you? That’s nice. Just got back from the most mightiest trip ever. First stop was a blissful couple of weeks in heaven. (Private tropical island with miles and miles of pink sand, rum punches and no bodies.) Followed by a brief detour in hell. (Vegas. Stag party. Fun. Funk. Fear.) All adventures shall soon be scribbled down. Normal blogaruu service shall soon be resumed. The whole writing a book affair really put a dampener on things. Awful altogether. Subjecting you to those Joke of the Day monstrosities. Tut.

Unfortunately I am now, as we say, goosed. So I must sleep. Rest. Be merry. And then I’ll scribble the gibber. To tie you over, I found this mighty book trailer for RanDumber. (Out. Very. Soon!)

And also, I just found out someone has leaked another chapter from said book. How on earth is it being leaked drip by drip? Who would do such a thing?! Tut.

Read. On.

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 2 Leaked

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Lovin’ You – Minnie Riperton