How Do You Eat An Elephant?

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Slowly but surely I’ve been sorting out my mental stumbling blocks. There shall be no more harping on about them after today either! Just making sure that I extradite them all fully. Chipping away at them over the past few days. Piece by piece. Instead of just sitting and staring at what it is that I must get done. I think my initial problem when I got back was getting caught up in what other people were doing. Biggest waste of time ever. Success dripping everywhere. Meeting people whose company paid for this, that and the other. Annoyed that I had no company to back me up. Stupid. Caring what other people were doing so well. To make sure I well and truly splattered the icing on the pointless cake, I wasted even more time worrying how I would get things back up and running. Ending up doing nothing. Worrying. Wondering where my piece of the pie was. Finally copping on that the pie here is funking huge. Enough of it to go around.


Its been in my head for so long that the hard part would be how to get back here long term. Now that I’m back, I can quite clearly see that the hard part is just beginning. At least now I know though, and can do something about it. Fight on! I think small stupid things subconsciously crept in as well. My roommate gave me a book about L.A which she thought I might like to read, ‘Bright Shiny Morning’. As you do when given a book, I started to flick through the pages. First random page I stopped on and the first paragraph I read went something along the lines of… 

Brad. Actor. Moved at 20. Works as a bouncer. He is now 30.

Barry. Singer. Moved at 18. Works in the ticket window at the Wax Museum. He is now 31. 

Katy. Actress. Left her husband and three children to become a star. Works at a grocery store. Cries herself to sleep every night.

Bert. Writer. Moved at 24. Bartender. He is now 50.

Ha, great omen! Not good to have dancing around the back of your sub-conscience. The fear trying to cripple me! Thankfully now it has been squatted away and used as motivation instead. The fight has started once again, c’mon the L.A!

King Ikea!

A key factor in the tides being turned has been down to chipping away at the mountainous to-do lists. No longer just observing the beast. Sorting out the basics so that bigger and better things can then be achieved. Big time basics. Yesterday was a ridiculously productive day in basic terms. Laundry. Done. Bank Account. Opened. Extra food shopping. Done. Protein shake. Bought. Gym. Sorted. Blog. Written. Desk. Bedside locker. Lamp. And bin for my room. All bought. Microwave. Lined up on the cheap. Happy, happy, happy days. Day. A huge chunk of that was down to the help of my roommate. And down to King IKEA. First time ever being in one. What a place. One could go mental in there over-shopping. Convincing yourself you do really need everything you pick up and see.

Although, one issue I never thought about while I was buying furniture in IKEA was the whole assembly side of things. Honestly, I kind of did expect to open the box and everything would just pop out into place. Did I really think it would be similar to a pop-out book? Yes. Half of the appeal. Did not realise hammers, screwdrivers, instructions, maps, graphs and sticky tape would be needed. Or glue. Or that I would have so many parts left over as spare. Is that normal? Is it normal to have so much broken wood as well? I had almost got it right as well. Down to the final part of the jigsaw. Out with my hammer and rubber IKEA nails. Hammered in one part to another the wrong way. As if it was glue I thought if I pulled them apart quickly before they set it would all be alright. Snap, crackle and a pop and I was running around the house looking for actual glue. Or sticky tape. Just managed to save the piece of wood.

During the two hours it took me to assemble the first piece, I was working with the notion that I’d get great satisfaction when it was all finished. That is what I was led to believe at least. No. There was none. When I finally got it up and running, all I could think was ‘What? Two hours and all I have to show for it is a bedside locker? That’s it?’ Part of me thinks it would’ve been easier to chop up wood, paint it and nail it together myself. Dumb part which thinks that King IKEA might not be as great after all. Although I did feel great waking up next to my new locker on one side. And obviously a ridiculously good looking woman on the other side. Alas, only half of that is true. Re deary me. 

Speaking of which, I was invited to a funny enough convention tonight. The only, only, only reason I said I would go was purely as I thought it would be good for the book. Which could be used a lot from now on for any dubious offers… ‘Only did that for the book!’ Plus I thought it was a wildlife convention. Something like ‘Save the Lions!’ Except this one was for cougars. Just not that kind. The older type. A Cougar’s Convention. Where Ms. Cougar USA would be crowned. Unfortunately, idiotically, the buddy who invited me got the dates mixed up and we missed out going last night, thinking it was on instead tonight. I’m sure there’ll be another along pretty soon, need a few cougar’s for the book! Instead I ended up calling down to my friend in a bar on Santa Monica. And while I was walking there I had a jeep pull up alongside me and proposition me. Again. Good old hoot.

Anyways, good to see the random events are creeping back in. Key is baby steps! Because you do know how to eat an elephant? Piece by piece! Oh Jesus.


Fyfe Dangerfield

When You Walk Into The Room – Fyfe Dangerfield


Empire State Of Mind (Feat. Alicia Keys) – Jay-Z

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