For reasons unknown, all names shall be culled from this blogaruu. Except for mine. I’m going full on narcissistic. Tropical Hayes all the way!
So it’s the day after Halloween. Actually, the night. Limo pulls up outside my abode. It’s time. Put on my private jet pants. Grab my bag. Scuttle out. Hop in. High fives. Hello’s it going. And we’re on our way. Bob Hope airport. Here we dumb. Get lost en route. Find it again. Arrive. Punch in a code. Drive through a gate. Get out of the car. Look at our jet. Say hi to the pilot. And just walk on. The mightiest way to travel. No lines. No queues. No security. In. On. Out. Mighty!
Must say, this jet was the best I’ve been on. Leather here. Plush there. King size bed in the back. Pardon? What do you mean? A bed? In the back? Yes. A big old bed in the back. Mile-high-ty! We sit down. Hostess brings us a round of champagne. When in a Rome… Cheers! Wheels start rolling. You’re getting comfortable. And then suddenly you’re up, up and wahey! Way faster than a regular jet. Almost goes up like an elevator. Shwooop. Air born again. New beginning. On our way to an island in the Caribbean. Pants off. Caribb on! Continue Reading »
Wigs, Wine & Weirdos
“Oh God. Why am I holding this man’s hand?” ’Twas the night before Christmas Eve and all was… Dead. First Christmas away from home. Away from the family. Away from my Mum’s mighty Christmas dinner. Aww. Poor little Merrick. Woe is me. All week I’ve been constantly asked, “Will you not miss going home to Ireland for it?” “Well, it would be preferred, but I’ll just have to make do.” Making sure to add, “And besides… In this economy? Hm.” That part usually confuses them enough to ask no more. Besides, I’m sure Cork will miss me just as much. Only the other day did a buddy Diane tell me, “Oh, eh, yeah. Christmas just won’t be the same if you’re not here. Like Disneyland without Mickey Mouse, so it will.”
So that was nice. Being compared to a mouse. Mighty. Anyway, last night I did the 12 Pubs of Christmas. Woke up this morning. Still full to the brim with Christmas cheer. Plan was to go to Charlotte’s for Christmas dinner. First, mass. Must go to Catholic Mass on Christmas Day, my Mum would kill me if she found out I didn’t! As it happens, two churches right around the corner from me. Go on the Google Maps. Hop out of bed. Bounce off a wall. Christmas clothes on. Scuttle around the corner. Blessed myself going into church. Found a seat. Sat down. Kneeled down. Stood up. Realised everyone else was still kneeling. Back down. Spaced out. Joined in. Humming prayers. Head spinning slightly. Saw a sign on the wall: Continue Reading »
Holiday (Madonna Cover) – Capital Cities
Sweet Lord. Just found out someone’s leaked part of my new book, RanDumber. No clue who? Or how they got the file? Hmm. Must’ve broken in. Swooped the chapter. And now it’s all over the web. Shared on Pirate Bay. Mediafire. BitTorrent. Twitter. Facebook. Myspace. Even Bebo! How did it end up on Bebo?! Ah well. Not much I can do about it now. Authorities have been notified. We’ll catch the feck who leaked it, don’t you worry at all. Until then, I suppose if it’s out there and people are sharing it, feel free to share it too so then we can all: Read on!!!
Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 1 Leaked
Rumour has it another chapter will be leaked sometime this week… What what!?!
Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!
Although look what arrived today…
Sweet. Lord. Betsy. She is a real thing. And feels mighty! Big fan of the rear…
Only a pre-order, so not available yet to the public masses. Soon though. She shall be set free. And then. Demented. Headless. Chicken. Run. Dumb. Er. On!
Until then, I am off on a little adventure. Going to the Island of the Unknown down by the sea of sun, sand and rum punches. On a mighty device called a jet. Which are particularly mightier when private. If you know what I mean. Wuu. Clothes off. Carribe. On. Duu!
Here’s a mix to keep you company while I am gone. Made it in the back of my car today while stuck in traffic. Kind of odd. But. Dance. On. And on. And. On!
The Night Out – Martin Solveig
Apparently. If you have Megan Fox in a headline, people will automatically click on it. Did it work? Nice insider trick for any copy writer out there! Speaking of inside information: You’d be surprised at how many people book me for DJ sets without ever hearing a mix I’ve done. No clue if I’m good or not. Amazing. Take Friday. Deep down the writing well. Late afternoon. Email: Hello fine sir. Got your contact details from another DJ. Want to play at this venue tonight? Emmm. New venue. In fact, probably Hollywood’s new hot spot. SBE group’s latest venture. (If you’ve ever watched The Hills, all those clubs are SBE.) Anyway. Decide. In. Or. Nay? Money wasn’t what one might expect. But. Foot in the door and all that. Cool. Dance on. I’m in. And just like that, you’re DJing at another Hollywood hot spot. Mighty. Ish… Continue Reading »