Category Archives: Stand-Up

Ehh. We Need To Walk…

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Laziness truly is the root of all evil. No doubt this has been gibbered out before. Along with logic, I think. Being a procrastinating ape. Issues with my gibber. Plenty more. All obvious flaws. Back to laziness. Me being it. September last year. 7 blogaruus were churned out by this date. This year, half that. Limp half. Shocking, I know. Oh no, less blogs, how does the world still spin, you ape… says you. OH MY GOD, I ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW, IT’S FREAKING ME OUT!… says I. Oh Jesus. Tonight I realised one reason why this has been happening. Lately, less time has been spent alone, doing nothing, not thinking about stuff. Meaning less time for loose strings of gibber to piece themselves together, out of the sea of muddle in my head. Ideas no longer loosely mapped out before I sit down to write. Meaning spending time stringing gibber and less time writing. As I then see that it’s 4 in the morning. Laziness. Tiredness. Both kick me in the head. Sleep is on. Blog off. Tut tut. King Tut. And I’m then dumbly annoyed at myself the next day. Circle of dumbness. Two things I’m doing far less: Showering. And. Walking. Continue Reading »

Duh Dumb Diddle Daddle…

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Just to be clear: Here is a dumb diddle daddle on how the dumb diddle daddle. Seriously. Alright. You’re smart. We know this. You’re quite aware of the fact that there’s a lot of dumbness floating aboot the air. Out there. Real world. Daily life. Every single day. Every single way. All could and should be so simple. Instead. Dumbness everywhere. Thing is though, far worse than dumb. Come back to that. First off… Want to hear what being hit by cars, ridiculously hot girls, frogs, ferns, mosses, mongolian, yachts in the sky, poolside murders, petrol, buckets, idiots and much more, all have in common?! Yes? No? Decide… Read on! Gibber dish is once again overflowing. Blogaruus building up. Threads getting thinner. Incoherent mess. Horse on before all is forgotten! Di-daddle on! Continue Reading »

Drowning Clowns And Gay Bears

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Three things you may or may not know: Clowns run comedy stores. Gay bears are actually a good laugh. And. Not all jokes are funny. Last one might be a bit too obvious. What else have I discovered in the last 24 hours that you might not know… A bottle of Absolut vodka costs $15 in the shop down the road. Whereas one shot of vodka costs $11 in a bar down the road from me. Amazing. Mango vodka may also be the way of the future, by the by. Pretty tasty. Any other gibber. Yes… Before I go to sleep, I try to just lie there and smile for a while. Like a freak. Not sure why. Read somewhere before that it’s good for you. Somehow. Not sure why I told you that either. But you can quote me word for word on that fact and reason if you like. Finally. Hitting yourself in the head with a weight at the gym is not fun. It hurts. As in you will make cat raping noises. Again. Amazing. I know. Alright. Enough from my gibber dish. Serious time. Back to drowning clowns… Continue Reading »

Got Stood Up?

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Last week I finally giddied back up on the horse. Stand up sit down one. Aboot time. One might say. She has been a while. By my reckoning a couple months shy of a year. Long enough. Day of the show. Usual gibber… Ah shur I don’t actually even like doing it (Still debatable whether or not I actually do enjoy it. On the day. Covering my back. You know. Just. In. Case). Followed by me wondering if I had enough material for my set. Followed by writing a few pages more worth of gibber. Quantity. You know. Just in case. Followed be a few cocktails to calm the nerves. Back. Good to go. Thankfully. Turns out to be a… Continue Reading »

Sabotage Hayes

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Tea. Quite the Magic potion. Like any Irish man, woman, child, ape, leprechaun, dancer, I enjoy a cup of tea. About ten times a day. Can’t beat a cup. Or spreading the word about the magical qualities of it. However, as an Irish bape/man boy in America, I am fully aware that tea bags are not as readily available as back home. Proper ones, at least. Which is why bags of tea bags are constantly smuggled over the border by little green men on a daily basis. Irish gold. All of which makes offering tea to folk in my vicinity when I go to make a cup, an entirely polite gesture. Willing, hoping, prompting them to say no. As I know what will happen. 9 times out of 10. American folk like to try new things. Mostly. So, being asked by an Irish ape if they want an Irish cup of tea, means that they will, more often than not, say yes. As if it is a little treat. If crystal meth was seen as a jovial Irish thing, I am pretty sure people would say yes just as easily. Seriously. Try it. Continue Reading »

Freedumb!

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Routines. Can be a dose. Trudging through drudgery. Recycling days. Waiting until they run out. Hogs grounding to a halt. Slowly but surely. Work. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Unless, of course, you like your work, I imagine it’s a bit of a dose, to be true. On the other hand, having no routine whatsoever, can also be a bit of a dose. Too much free time. Too much to do. Too much freedom. All of which. Seems to be making me quite dumb. Err. Making me highly interested in innocuous events. Such as. Buying a new type of soap. Not sure which kind. Just soap. However. Now. Every time I walk into my bathroom. My eyes water up. Pepper sprayed. Making me fall to my knees. And puke. Only stopping when I eventually manage to crawl back out of the bathroom. Leaving the soap behind. Well, maybe only one of those things happen. Still though. The fact that that scenario has played out in my head, did make me realise that freedumb might have taken over my mind. Trying to decide if that’s now a good or bad thing. Continue Reading »