Tag Archives: Apes

More On! Moron…

4 Comments

If You Got The Money – Jamie T

Did you know… Book two is in full flow? Well. Maybe not full flow as in I’m gushing. But full flow as in I’m beyond leaking. No looking back. Not sure why I got so hung up on the flow metaphor. Not even that time of the month. Oh Jesus.

Did you know… DJigging is fully in full flow? Flow on! All sorts of gigs. Thursday in a castle. Friday in what can probably be described best as an empty room. Saturday in what can only be described as a bar full of people going absolutely miiiiintal! And Sunday in a pub full of lesbians. All sorts of flow. Go money go!

Did you know… Surrounded by 100 lesbians sounds better than it actually is?

And What Else... ?

Did you know… People actually come up while DJing and sincerely say ‘Music is my religion. This is my church. Can you play me the new Britney song…’? Would that make Britney your God? Your priest? And are you of the Moron fate?

Did you know… Urinals can be interesting places? For example. Continue Reading »

Smells Like Summer. Tastes Like Christmas Tree.

1 Comment

Need You Now – Cut Copy

Invaluable few lessons have re-reared their heads in the past few days. Just in case I ever forgot…

1. It only takes an instant to dislike me.

Kind of odd. Take tonight. Met my buddy Chowder in Barneys for a pint. Ordered up. Standing at the bar. Random girl sitting on a bar-stool groans at me…
Can you leave?
Excuse me?
I don’t like the look of you. You’re in my way. Just leave.
What do you mean? Do I know you?
What’s your problem? Get out of my area!
(Now is when I copped on that this strange ape was instantly offended merely by my presence. Oddly, I instantly disliked her just by her mouth opening.)
So I said… Pardon? (While thinking: What a ghoul bag).
She said… Are you deaf? Get out of my area, I can’t see the rest of the bar.
So I said… Pardon? (While thinking: Her friends are quite hot. Pity she’s an ape).
She said… Are you dumb too? Do you not speak English? Get away from this area! You’re blocking my view.
So I said… Pardon? (Thinking: And her breath stinks. Three for three).
She said… Can you not say anything else? I’m warning you. Leave! You’re so ugly.
So I said… Continue Reading »

What Is The Pint Of The Isle?

2 Comments

The Best Day – Atmosphere

(Forgot aboot this blogaruu. A week old but better up than in… )

Speaking of teachers, does anyone remember my science teacher from 4th year? Sound man. Bald head. Round glasses. Slightly Larry David looking. Just not as big a nose. Mr. O’Connor? Doesn’t sound right but pretend so. Anyways, his lessons often used to get lost in translation. Mostly down to his accent. Slightly country-ish. Farmer like. But only on certain words. Out of all the sciences he had a thing for chemistry. Big fan. Always up the top of the class, on his own, experimenting away. Giving you plenty of time to stare out the window. And wonder if you were going bald (I had this weird thing in 4th year where I was convinced I was going bald. Used to have conversations with my biology teacher about it. Me arguing for. Him against. Maybe that is why I let the fro flow. And now have a hedge on my head). Back to Mr. O’Connor. Doing experiments. Liked to spring questions, see if you were following. Every single time, his odd way of saying words would throw me off. So every single time, I would have to tell him… Sir, I have no clue what a pint of isle is? Getting him annoyed. Thinking I was mocking him. Ending in detention. See. He was actually asking what the point of the oil was in the experiment. But seeing as I liked to drift off, I never copped on quickly enough as to what his point ever was. Kind of like you are perhaps wondering now what mine could possibly be. Obviously… Chilean miners! Seriously… Continue Reading »

Ughatha Christie… Dumble On!

Leave a comment

Kill Everybody – Skrillex

Have you ever been gaily skipping down a street. Skipping high! Wonderful skips! Bouncing along. Picking up momentum. Skip on! Skip high! So young! So free! So… Clip!  Curb. Path. Stone. Your own shoe. Fall. Dumble. Stumble. Down ape goes. Holding your knee on the path. Cursing the skipping. Dumb skips. Making me dumble. Should never have skipped so high, so quick! Perhaps I’ll just chill a while. Stay down on the path. By these gutters. Lost all my momentum. All that curb’s fault. Tut. This week has been kind of like that. Quite the ridiculously annoying successfully-frustrating week. Plus my man period (rent) on top of it all!?! Ugh boots have been on. What goes up… Sometimes keeps going up and up, to be true. Which is mighty and obviously ideal. But then other times… Stagnates and floats in exactly the same spot. Like a dead frog. Floating. Bobbing. Dumbling along. Going nowhere. Wasting time. Wheels turning. Barely churning. Well that’s if you had wheels. And you actually made the effort to churn them. Instead of just waiting. Highly frustrating. Immensely annoying. Kind of like this opening gibber… Continue Reading »

Fighting Mike Tyson On Mushrooms

4 Comments

Hello – Martin Solveig Feat. Dragonette

LA… Mighty. Halloween… Nuts. Throw in a few Irish… Big buckets of mighty funking nuts!!! If ever you were going to visit L-Hey to see how bizarre/mighty/dancing/full-on/ape-ish/funreal/savage it actually is… Halloween all the way! Last year had me stumped for words. Arrived back here from Ireland. Straight off the plane. Threw on a red top-hat. People thought I was a banshee. And by thought I mean told. L-Hey took my mind to an orgy. Tried to blow it up. Almost fully danced away with it. Came uncomfortably close to losing it over a forgotten pair of scissors. This year… More or less the exact same. Minus jet lag. Plus a scissors. Minus being ill-prepared. Plus a gaggle of visitors from home. Along with buddies from here. The Man. The sink. The whole lot! All gathering for the perfect storm. Imagine being on mushrooms. Now imagine you’re fighting Mike Tyson. On mushrooms. Fighting Mike. All going on in the Chocolate Factory. Seeing little green and orange men running around while your senses are being pummeled from all angles. Imagine all that if you can. So. Halloween here is kind of like that. But actually maybe even harder to describe… Continue Reading »

Oh Deary Me…

2 Comments

Midnight Voyage – Ghostland Observatory

I’m not sick. Look at that photo! Listen to that song! No sick person would be in that frame of mind… Right!? So this shall be short and sweet. As I am not sick. Which is mighty. Work on, positive spoof! Tiring work not being sick. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect it would probably be less tiring just to actually be sick. As opposed to continuing on as normal. Feeling swimmingly in the process. And by swimmingly… Ape-ish, dizzy, light-headed, hang on, I need to sit down. Mighty. Anyways. Not sick. Self-medicate all the way. Mind truly wandering and rambling. Until I need to sit down. Attention span of a meerkat. Creative is nay. Real world productivity is high. Fun week all round! See. Here are the highlights! Continue Reading »