Sir, You Should Put On Some Pants

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Tree

Take A Walk – Passion Pit

So it’s a Friday night. You’re getting ready to go out gallivanting. Brushing your teeth. Doing a little jig. Hear a knock at the door. Hmm. Who’s that? Shimmy your way out, electric toothbrush still whirling away. Open the door. It’s the police. Oh Jesus. What have I done now?

“Are you Mark Hayes?”

“Who’s asking?” Continue Reading »

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RanDumb On!

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Blogaruu! Jamaduu. It’s been too long. I have been busy. Editing this new book. Almost done. Gibbering aboot. Book fairs and the likes. And. Shooting some RanDumb stuff to show some TV people and the likes. Mighty hoot. Here are a few photos. Still going. More the merrier. As a wise man once said: You miss all the shots you don’t take, so never turn down a free booze. Something like that. Shoot on!

Safety Dance – Men Without Hats

Buy RanDumb! -> WEE HUU!

Buy RanDumber! -> SNAP ON!

RanDumber in the UK -> GIDDY UP!

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The Mermaid Man

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Mercy – Edit Murphy

So yesterday was the West Hollywood Book Fair. And it went mighty! Ish. Slightly mighty. Good hoot. Bar getting the boot. Kicked out a book fair. Harsh.

So I head down to the fair. Told I’m in this area where other writers are also set up. Stage. Mic. Table. Old people. Lots of old people. Big fan of old folk. Just not my main target market.

Also situated just downwind of drainage pipes. Not the glamour one might never associate with a book fair. Pretty soon it’s figured this is not the most happening spot. Scouts are sent out. Seems that up above and around the corner is far more lively. Where all the bookstores are. Where all the people are. Where potential customers are waiting for me!

Mosey on up. See a booth with a spare table. Quick bit of bluffing. Bucket load of charming. Slight dash of chancing. I now have my own full booth courtesy of a Mystery Book publisher. Wuu. Duu! (Had to tell them RanDumb was purely a romance novel – I love myself! – so not their competition. Chance. On.)

Far better location. In the middle of the fair. People all aboot. Various sorts of booths and authors around me. Guy who played Hercules and Steve-O from Jackass directly in the booth across from me. Competition. Time to dominate. Who cares if they have lines queuing up for autographs and photos?! We have Guinness! Continue Reading »

Ughatha Christie… Dumble On!

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Kill Everybody – Skrillex

Have you ever been gaily skipping down a street. Skipping high! Wonderful skips! Bouncing along. Picking up momentum. Skip on! Skip high! So young! So free! So… Clip!  Curb. Path. Stone. Your own shoe. Fall. Dumble. Stumble. Down ape goes. Holding your knee on the path. Cursing the skipping. Dumb skips. Making me dumble. Should never have skipped so high, so quick! Perhaps I’ll just chill a while. Stay down on the path. By these gutters. Lost all my momentum. All that curb’s fault. Tut. This week has been kind of like that. Quite the ridiculously annoying successfully-frustrating week. Plus my man period (rent) on top of it all!?! Ugh boots have been on. What goes up… Sometimes keeps going up and up, to be true. Which is mighty and obviously ideal. But then other times… Stagnates and floats in exactly the same spot. Like a dead frog. Floating. Bobbing. Dumbling along. Going nowhere. Wasting time. Wheels turning. Barely churning. Well that’s if you had wheels. And you actually made the effort to churn them. Instead of just waiting. Highly frustrating. Immensely annoying. Kind of like this opening gibber… Continue Reading »