’As I threw her to the ground her buxom bounced with delight, so I gently nudged her face with my foot, leaving her gasp for more…’ Opening line of my new romance novel. The one which I am writing to tie over the folk who want to read more aboot… Schex. Shee shuu. Ahem. Whatever it is that you may call it. Something which is distinctly lacking from the blogaruu. Details, at least. Innuendos might be bouncing off the walls. But details have been stripped bare. Stark. Naked. Teasing. All talk. Little action. (Is this some sort of an innuendo by my sub-brain?! Perhaps. If so… Horrendous! Moving on!) Perhaps it is an Irish thing. Perhaps it was initially so not to look like an ape. Perhaps it was realising your parents, grandparents, younger cousins and all other folk would start to read about your adventures. Perhaps it was out of pure and utter respect for the other parties involved. Ahum. Perhaps all of the above! Perhaps. Who knows. Well. I do. But moving on.
Actually. Staying put. Perhaps I should’ve included more in the book. Perhaps there should’ve been less. Perhaps one did not think that others wanted to read aboot that. Perhaps sex does sell. Perhaps we wait and see what book two holds. Duu. Although perhaps I should set up an alternative blogaruu that tells purely of adventures in that world. Perhaps. Especially as L-Hey seems to be the most sexed up place which has ever existed. Possessing the libido of an 18 year old dude mixed with a 30 year old lady. If it were an animal, its name would be Roger. Highly revved-up engine. Not only that but perhaps all of this is then in turn coupled with the perhaps that you have an odd sense… Ever read the book Blink? When you just know something straight away but you’re not sure how. But you know. You? No? Yes? Kind of the same. Let’s just call it… The Sexth Sense!?! Continue Reading »
Just to be clear: Here is a dumb diddle daddle on how the dumb diddle daddle. Seriously. Alright. You’re smart. We know this. You’re quite aware of the fact that there’s a lot of dumbness floating aboot the air. Out there. Real world. Daily life. Every single day. Every single way. All could and should be so simple. Instead. Dumbness everywhere. Thing is though, far worse than dumb. Come back to that. First off… Want to hear what being hit by cars, ridiculously hot girls, frogs, ferns, mosses, mongolian, yachts in the sky, poolside murders, petrol, buckets, idiots and much more, all have in common?! Yes? No? Decide… Read on! Gibber dish is once again overflowing. Blogaruus building up. Threads getting thinner. Incoherent mess. Horse on before all is forgotten! Di-daddle on! Continue Reading »
Dancers. Islands. Yachts. Parts. Practice. Bathrooms. Some things are better private. Ehh… Numbers. Some things are not. One new addition to the better pile… Jets. Finally I can now confidently say: Private jets are the dancers of the air. Finally, says you. I know, says I. Giddy up! Assumption off. Jet on. Absolutely funking mighty. Planned on doing a blogaruu from up in the air. Unfortunately. Tad busy. Boozing. Dancing. On a plush private jet. On my way to Vegas. All on a Monday morning?!! Nay too shabby. Bloody Mary all the way! Literally. Go on the ape. Did manage to get a bit of mental bookaruu scribbling in, at least. Le sequel could start a bit like this… I’m on a jet. Private kind. En route to Vegas. Disneyland. Doused in acid. The land of whures. Heat. More whures. Monkeys. Mind wobbles. Crap fun. And depression. Wuu! Can’t wait. Vegas on… Continue Reading »
Remember hearing aboot a fussball player for Rangers who burnt his cheek after scrambled egg exploded on him? Or when Robbie Keane somehow injured himself by reaching for the TV remote? Well. Thank funk I’m not a well known fussball player. Both have happened to a certain ape I know. Along with a few more this week. Twisted my ankle by tripping on mud. During a game tonight. But still. Wasn’t actually tackled by another player. Just a big lump of mud. Well done me. Just a minute ago. Almost twisted my knee. In the kitchen. Reaching for some pepper. Twisted my upper body. As opposed to swiveling aboot. Close call. Tweakage. Again. Nearly a well done. On Monday. Pretty sure I managed to re-break my broken toe. When I clipped a loose slab sticking out of a path. Clipped. Tripped. Just as I went to walk down a red carpet. Almost rolled. Well done me. Fun times. Red carpet rolling. Continue Reading »
Sitting outside McDonalds, at a bus stop, waiting for a cab. No clue where we were, dropped off at some turn off the freeway. Sitting. Waiting. Patiently. Next minute, a police car whips into the curb in front of me. Followed by about four more. Oh Jesus. What’s going on here? Cops jump out of the police car. Yelling. Another car whips around a corner. All sirens blazing. Yelling. Realise. There’s a light shining on me. Look up. Police helicopter over head. What what?! Irate, highly strung cops still yelling at me. What the whating what?! ‘Get your hands up! Put your hands in the air!!!’ What? Who? Me?! Continue Reading »
… went my DJ cherry in Ireland on Saturday night. A tremendously horrendous use of an onomatopoeic title. Anyways, I think the gay dudes, in the gym back in L.A, may have raised the bar too high. And by that, I mean for their reactions to the songs and remixes I play. You can’t beat the shrill and squeal that they somehow manage to give (and a few women too, obviously) whenever a surprising remix kicks in. Or if just a good song comes on. Unfortunately, if I now do not get the same reaction to these savage songs, I think that something might be wrong. Its not though. The gig went well. As in it couldn’t really go too far wrong, and the music was good. Even managed to get some women dancing. Seemingly some women in Cork have good taste. In music. Wuu!
Again, surprising people seems to be a common factor that has begun to reoccur. “It is surprising that you were not as bad as I imagined you would be. You looked like you would’ve been bad.” Apparently this is a good thing nowadays. Although, the triple request for GMC, Tiesto, or “at least some trance” did throw me off for a song or two. Irish requests are not part of my act it seems. In fairness, I wasn’t threatened to be bottled this time. Plus, I was asked to “come to Eyebeeta with me and the gurls, we’ll show you real proper music. What’s the story with your hair?” I am looking forward to getting back to L.A fast, where I am let do my own thing, and can bask in the glow of shrills and eeks. I miss the guys.
Need to get something off my chest, which I have been meaning to say for a while… I cannot stand hanging out socks to dry. Wrecks my head. Ha, dumb. All jokes aside, I had planned on writing a very witty and celebrity filled blogaruu at this time. However, after having to hang out those socks, I am now too annoyed. Which actually goes well with the rest of the day being honest. While it is not yet over, it would appear that hanging out a heap of socks might be the most productive act I have achieved. Not a good sign if this is the highlight.
Today I had to deal with the fact that patience is needed. Rome was not built in a day. While all of what I am doing at the moment is the most important thing for me right now, it is, obviously, not the most important thing for everyone else. Felt like a wasted day, stagnated, did not progress as much as I had planned. Maybe bits and pieces were accomplished but nothing to write up about. A lot of my efforts bore the same result… pending. I wont get to find out for a few days. Or I’ll get a call/email back about it during the week. Just not today, and not right now. The juggling of two time zones is great fun too. Pending. Pen. Ding. That should’ve been the dumb title, but I am no longer a fan of the term. It had me too frustrated all day.
Also, the question which was cropping up from all angles over the weekend, started to infect my head today… “When are you going back to L.A?” Its not the fact that people are asking me that, at all, just a normal question. Not like the whole “You’re freaked!” observation. What is wrecking my head about the question, is that I still do not have an answer. It is pending. I just don’t know. Nor will I for a week or so, at least. If today was anything to go by anyways. I am in complete limbo. So thats what had me annoyed all day. Thats why I did not get much done.
Actually, I’m lying. Its not the reason. I started to cop on I’ve been like that for months, limbo on, day-to-day kind of thing. I could’ve easily ploughed on with sitcom re-writes I need to do, but it wasn’t happening, so I blamed the above for not doing it. (This appears to me as if it might unravel into a rant, so tune out now if you like, ha). I started to break down why I was so annoyed, from the moment I woke up. I woke up tired. I was tired because I did not have a great sleep. Reason for that was that I went to sleep wound up. Annoyed. Wanting to bounce my phone off the wall.
Right now, 3 things wreck my head… People who ask for favours all the time, then run for the hills if one is asked in return. Fake people. Condescending people. Combine all 3 of those into the conversation I had with one person last night. Friend of a friend. Circumstances more than buddies. Not really someone I would particularly like to hang out with. Or have to phone. However, last night I had to ring them, to get through to someone else.
Worst call ever. The dumb part is that I don’t think this person realized I would cop on to their fake, patronizing ways. After seeing this person deal with others the exact same way before though, I would be dumb not to. Funny part was this was all before I even brought up the reason for my phone call. What an ape. Not fully sure why this all annoyed me so much. I suppose I like my sleep. And do not like fake, condescending apes. End of rant.
Mondays are a magnificent laugh! Its not all fun and games with gay dudes shrieking. I would not recommend trying to write any stand-up, comedy scenes or sketches either, if you are in a frustratingly annoyed mood. If you do, pending final draft of course, they might all end up involving your phone, a pop and some ape’s head. Or, maybe the usual frustration from Dublin is just spilling over, ha. We all need a rant now and again. Or, if not a rant, at least some trance?
No trance I’m afraid. Something else to chill out to. One of the best…
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Starfunker
Enough Talk, More Writing! 
