Smells Like Summer. Tastes Like Christmas Tree.

1 Comment

Need You Now – Cut Copy

Invaluable few lessons have re-reared their heads in the past few days. Just in case I ever forgot…

1. It only takes an instant to dislike me.

Kind of odd. Take tonight. Met my buddy Chowder in Barneys for a pint. Ordered up. Standing at the bar. Random girl sitting on a bar-stool groans at me…
Can you leave?
Excuse me?
I don’t like the look of you. You’re in my way. Just leave.
What do you mean? Do I know you?
What’s your problem? Get out of my area!
(Now is when I copped on that this strange ape was instantly offended merely by my presence. Oddly, I instantly disliked her just by her mouth opening.)
So I said… Pardon? (While thinking: What a ghoul bag).
She said… Are you deaf? Get out of my area, I can’t see the rest of the bar.
So I said… Pardon? (While thinking: Her friends are quite hot. Pity she’s an ape).
She said… Are you dumb too? Do you not speak English? Get away from this area! You’re blocking my view.
So I said… Pardon? (Thinking: And her breath stinks. Three for three).
She said… Can you not say anything else? I’m warning you. Leave! You’re so ugly.
So I said… Continue Reading »

Vaseline. Alley. Riding. Carrots.

4 Comments

Not too sure what a typical Valentine’s Day consists of… Bed. Breakfast. Chocolates. Flowers. Wining. Dining. Whining. Drunk. Lingerie. Hip hip hooray? Not too sure. Mine was similar enough to that. Ish. Kind of. Not at all. More like a typical Sunday. Back in the pre-cave days. Hand bags. Man bags. Russian. Riding. Chinese. Haggling. Dancing. Carrots. Juice. Mexican. Flowers. Bouncing. Drag. Puff. Vaseline. And. An. Alley. Typical enough. Continue Reading »

Red Or White?

Leave a comment

I shall not lie, over the past few days I was unsure if the 100th mark would be reached, never mind broken. However, I have decided to prove myself wrong, and write on! The reason for this uncertainty, initially, was due to me being unsure how long more I could stay in America for, on this current visa. With under 2 weeks left on the visa, I was weighing up another spring break trip to Mexico or Canada. My episode was good to go, being passed around, I was heading back to L.A in order to get a scene or two made, I had even been contacted about the possibility of meeting with a fairly reputable manager. Again, that sort of stuff is hearsay in my book until it happens, can only count on yourself really but worth looking into at least. Still, if it all went to plan, a quick spring break and back again, somehow, to keep the ball rolling.

Sadly, my Gran passed away this week back in Ireland, so that changed things even further. I was getting ready to go to the airport yesterday, packing my bags, and not knowing if I was L.A or Ireland bound. Managed to get a flight back in time for the funeral tomorrow, so instead of heading back to L.A for 10 days or so, bizarrely, and fairly surreal being honest, I am now back in Ireland for a few weeks. All happened fairly quickly, but no time to mull it over. Now, I shall just have to find a way to go back out there in 3 weeks, and make more than the 2 scenes I had planned for next week. Instead, I shall make a shorter version of the entire episode, start to finish if I can, must turn it into a plus! This now will be my visa trip as well. 

Just in the door and highly jet lagged, so decided to write on in hope to bore myself enough to fall asleep. I managed to lift my mental block of thinking that I could only write when in L.A, seeing as I managed to get a fair bit done in San Fran. Now the tougher test, can I pull fodder out of the bag for Cork and Ireland while I am back. I have the faith, in quantity, if not quality, at least! There shall be no whining or complaining about being back either, I miss L.A and all that. Put a cork in it (oh Jesus) and deal with it. Stage 1 has been completed, now plough on! Things can be worked on from here too while I’m back.

Although, I did forget that it was no longer L.A, or even America, that I was in, where the dress code is carte blanche. This was when I noticed bizarre items such as a hat (a hat?!) or a scarf (a scarf, oh my God, what an insane thing to wear!) get too many strange looks. Or maybe its that mullets are no longer as cool here as before. That statement is highly doubtful though.

The trip home, compared to previous airport adventures, was highly uneventful. There were no elaborate searches, terminal chases, mishaps or misunderstandings. I did, however, realize what my biggest fear is, just before boarding a long haul flight. And that, justifiably so I do believe, is the fear that my iPod will freeze just as I get onto the plane. And stay frozen until the battery dies. Which would be at least 12 hours. More than the flight. What a dose that would be. Obviously far worse could happen, but still, that would be highly annoying. Don’t mean to sound insensitive with the recent crash and all, but as we were taking off, I realized that was all my warped mind was worried about.

In fairness though, if I had no music, I would’ve been entertained by my new 4’2 (I think), Jordanian friend, Leen, who I sat next to on the plane. Or Gordanian as I liked to call it. Or Michael Jordan as I also liked to mistake it for. The jokes were flying out, it was a long, looong flight for her. I also used tried out my new truth line… I’m a writer -“Oh yeah, what do you write?” – A blog, ha… which went down well. So did her joke of… Yeah, I’m a terrorist, undercover sorority girl… so it was a hilarious flight home. I played two songs off the top of my head too, Lean Back, and Come On Eileen, which were received with two pitiful shakes of her head. Overall, a mighty flight! Especially, especially, seeing as I now have a joke to tell in Arabic (phonetically speaking)… Esh byakol hsaan looti? Hasheeeeeeeesh!!! (Say the punch line in a West Hollywood accent and you might be able to guess it).

Two things that did manage to put a pep in my step in the past hour… 1. My brother telling me that people who we might not have met before or seen in years, were blatantly showing him their disappointment, when he told them he wasn’t me when asked earlier at the removal, ha. Appears I have a Joe Dolan type of fan base building up. And 2. This song for some reason, which was used before but funk it, recycle on…

All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem