Tag Archives: DJ

So There I Was… P’Peuu Pe’Peww!

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Got Some Teeth – Obie Trice

So there I was… DJigging. Rodeo Drive. Ivanka Trump party. Showcasing her new jewelry collection. Diamonds crusts everywhere. Swanky. Classy. Plus. Me. Suited. Booted. Looking slick at least. Kitted out in my mighty Reiss suit. Perk of DJigging fashion events. Free clothes! Dancing. Although. Tad tight. Slim-fit-as-funk kind of tight suit. Anyways. Setting up for the party. Women dressed up to the nines. Older guys itching to drop big wads of cash on their younger wives. All busy around me. People coming and going. Commotion. Just about to start. Corner of my eye. See a woman about to knock a speaker over. Oh balls. Knock. Speaker. Wobble. I jump. Catch the almost stricken speaker. Avert the mishap. Contort my body weirdly. Bend in some sort of way. Make a belly for myself. Making my pants erupt. Explode out. Mid-drift turns into a gun-toting cowboy. Feel something fly off. Clasp bit that looks like a staple… Ping! Bullet out of a gun. P’peuu pe’peww!! Strikes a woman’s wrist. Slow motion. Matrix style. Ricochets off the $10,000 bracelet she’s showcasing. Apologies, Ivanka. Continue Reading »

How Did Stella Get Her Groove Back… ?

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Lisztomania (Alex Metric Remix) – Phoenix

Just got back from DJigging a big charity event. Also known as a D lister party. D-listers. D-lusters. Reality show heads. Famous ex-wives. People in commercials. Rich old men. Young empty women. Desperate older women, out looking for husbands. Empty. Vapid. Fake. Gift bags. Mighty fun! Thank funk I was DJigging. At least I discovered that romance novels are a great ice-breaker. Got home. Done. Dusted. Dancing? Eh. Nay. Kind of has me pondering. How’s my plan going? You know. Every man needs a plan, plan. So. In the past month I have:

  • Boozed
  • Danced
  • DJ’igged
  • Boozed
  • Been a single parent
  • Been a tour guide
  • Been a host
  • Boozed
  • Watched intense Harrison Ford movies
  • Watched brooding Keanu Reeves movies
  • Criticised movies I’ve never even seen
  • Boozed
  • Watched stand-up
  • Watched soccer matches
  • Played soccer matches
  • Enjoyed pool days
  • Lounged about
  • Boozed
  • Read romance novels
  • Read scripts
  • Read books about writing
  • Prepared for writing
  • Boozed
  • Ate
  • Slept
  • Flown around
  • Boozed
  • Did this
  • Did that
  • Paid rent early
  • Almost ended up being on a really big TV show
  • Went on a sunbed

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Oh Betsy…

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Everything Is Everything – Lauryn Hill

Rattled, to say the least. New Year’s. Cat allergies. Ape man flu type thing which keeps rearing it’s horrendous head. Not feeling the May West. Betsy. Brain is working at 10%, at most. Now would be a great time to mock me. Probably have a comeback thought of by Wednesday. Quip me with your mocking stick. Quip me. First blogaruu of 2011. Amazing, I know. 2010 has been a mighty year. It is what you make of it, if you ask me. People seem to enjoy complaining at this time of year. Actually blame the year for all their bad luck, woes, misfortunes, etc. Perhaps the year was not at fault. Perhaps. Think aboot that, Moaning Marys. Not a big fan of looking back, as when I did it for the book, it involved a lot of dredging. Ending up waist high in my mind’s swamp. However, I will go back to the blogaruu I wrote exactly this day one year ago. A mighty blog where I decided it was “Time to horse a few targets out there. Not really going to be ‘resolutions’ though. The word doesn’t hold much weight to me. Resolves nothing.” I knew writing the targets down would eventually have a use! Everyman needs a plan. So. How did I get on… Continue Reading »

TGIFTG… Turkey On!

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Rollin’ & Scatchin’ (Chilly Gonzales Rework) – Daft Punk

While Ireland is being battered by all angles at home, it seems, I too have some important news to start off with: Got a hair cut this week. As opposed to a haircut. Hairdressers truly do baffle me. Ask for one thing, forced to deal with the some thing they give back. Tried to be as specific as possible. Almost as if I was asking them to do me this one favour, just one time. Please? Even had photos to help me describe what it was that I wanted. Hairdresser just looked at me. Down at me. Disgust. Contempt. Perplexed. Nonplussed?! All of the above. Eyes to heaven. And then went off and did her own thing. Cut one hair here. Cut half a hair there. Chat with her buddies. Slipped off to the bathroom. Still not finished. Please wait. Chilling and twirling in the chair while she disappeared. Returned. Did not cut one more hair. Decided, actually, she was finished. My hair was exactly as I had described. Twirled me around in the seat to show me the back of my head in the handheld mirror as if this was some sort of fool-proof proof that she did exactly as she was asked. Fooled me. Couldn’t see myself properly with their flattering light. Went to the bathroom to see if that was any better. Even worse. Made me look better. False light and smoke mirrors everywhere. Continue Reading »

Enough Talk, More Music!!!

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My plan for the weekend: Write. Big bucket load. That’s it. Back on the horse. Giddy back up. Stream of consciousness. Gibber on. Ramble. Flow. Let’s go! All that. So that was the plan! Pumped! Write on! Wuu! Here’s what I did instead… 

Friday: Somehow somewhere at some point in the night I lost my ATM card. Dose. Realised this aboot 5 in the morn. On the phone until 7 to my bank trying to cancel my card. Finally canceled my card. Slept. Woke up. Found my card. Wuu.

Saturday: Productivity highlight was probably gibbering together this joke: What do you call an old guy who scores 3 goals in a game… ? Jerry hat trick! Oh Jesus. Worked out a new stand-up angle: Fairy tales gone wrong… Tales from a fairy!!!

Sunday: Bought a bulb. (That’s today’s highlight… ? Yes. Well done. Thank you).

Quite an amazing weekend of writing. Brutal beyond belief! On the upside, the bulb is for my desk light. Light back on… Write back on?! Hopefully it’ll be better than this muck. Muck on. Better than none!?! Anyways, enough talk, more music! Continue Reading »

Dancing With Leperchauns

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Maybe I’m just a wee bit of a funking idiot. Maybe it’s just because I had an average day and night. Maybe I just didn’t celebrate it the right way. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to go to a parade. Or. Maybe. Perhaps. Paddy’s Day. Is. Quite over-rated. Ridiculously so? Maybe if I was American. And needed to feel more Irish. As it is the cool thing to be. To be true. Perhaps. Or. If I worked a 9-5 job and got the day off work, just to celebrate. Then. Perhaps. Paddy’s Day might live up to the hype. However. I am not. I do not. Instead. Tried too hard. Thought too much. Hype machine. Overload. Hyperventilating. Brown bag. Hi Pip. Meet ape. Continue Reading »