Tough Life at Sea…

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Here be an article I wrote that was in the Examiner last week. Front page too. Wuu.

Ways to Go – Grouplove

Imagine you are a fish, swimming in an ocean filled to the brim with other fish who are a lot like you but better in many ways. And instead of not wanting to be caught, you, the fish, are desperate to be reeled in by the fisherman. “Cast me, cast me!” you plead with your eyes as the fisherman toys with you in his net. “To keep and cast or to be thrown back in the ocean with all the other duds?” the fisherman asks himself as he examines you up and down like a piece of meat. Imagine all that – Welcome to the wonderful world of Hollywood auditions! Continue Reading »

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Muck Man vs The Adonis

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Adonis

Dear Dairy,

How are you today? I am good. That is nice. Long time no gibber. Hope you’re not sour. It’s been a month since we spoke last. So much gibber to flow. Where to start? Yesterday a guy at the coffee shop called out my name as Muck when my coffee was ready. Muck?! What a hoot. Now, what else… Continue Reading »

Octo-Ape!

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Paganini Rocks (Feat. Au Revoir Simone) – Robortom

What an unreal week! Simply amazing. Brimful with the most amazingly pointless revelations one could have. Amazing. Take Sunday night. 5 in the morning. Big breakthrough. Shook me to the core. After years and years of thinking – nay -knowing the opposite, something finally clicked… Christian Bale and Jason Bateman are actually not brothers. What what?! Ridiculously pointless. Ridiculously wrong. For years I thought they were. Why? Because Christian Bale played the character Patrick Bateman before…? I know! Incredible!!!… ly dumb. Actually gave Jason Bateman more credit for being his brother too. Christian was the really intense actor so his brother tried to be the funny one. Good balance. I did wonder why he never said anything when it was claimed Christian attacked his Mum and sister though. Kind of odd, not sticking up for the family. And again, no sound-bite about the incident with Senor Bale and the sound stage guy? No one ever asked Jason for his opinion? Why was that, I wondered. Always found it peculiar. Now I know why. Some revelation. Amazing. What else has my brain got wrong? What other facts has is made up or misconstrued? I assume buckets… Continue Reading »

Clueless

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Off the top of my head, odd things which I have a slight clue about, is how to speak conversational Cantonese, particularly if you’re a taxi man from Hong Kong, and I have a clue how to dismantle, clean, and operate a Naval machine gun. Pretty strange I suppose, only 2 I can think of at the moment. On the other hand, one bizarre thing which I am completely clueless about, is how exactly the acting side of the business works in Ireland. Specifically, how one might go about trying out a few auditions, just to get some practice. Not a notion. Are there any? Where might they be? Not a clue. In L.A, obviously enough, providing you have a visa and all, auditions, how to submit yourself, open calls etc. can be easily found in abundance. However, in Ireland, as far as I can tell, there seems to be nothing. As in, nothing. I am confident that I am actually wrong. However, after a fruitless few attempts today trying to figure it out, I have come to the conclusion that there is nada.

Who do you ask? Unfortunately, for a change, it seems not Google. He will not deliver as well as he usually does. And when you don’t know too many people in the acting business (t.v or film sides anyways), Google might be your first and last call. Maybe if you’re looking for a course in acting, Google can hook you up. If you want the websites for the Irish Film Board, the Irish Film Centre, or anything like that, Google will deliver. “Acting auditions in Ireland” or some similar term typed might hook you up with an audition in Iowa, and other parts of America, for some reason, but not much in Ireland. Not the most helpful. The best I got was a list of casting agencies in Ireland, that either never existed, or that most seem to no longer be in business.

I know as well, that if you were young, just out of school maybe and wanted to start acting from scratch in Ireland, there’s the whole doing an acting course, getting in some theatre work, moving up the ladder that way, doing it as something on the side and wading it out for a big break. Which, it seems, if you stay in Ireland and hope to get, the most you might muster in the movie world is to be an extra on the set of War of the Buttons, or The Wind That Shakes The Barley. Better still, you might end up being an extra for something even bigger, like Braveheart or along those lines. Which would be good to say to people, I suppose. If I was 16.

Do a course, join a theatre group, start that way. Or, be an extra, along with thousands of others, hoping that you will be plucked out of the crowd for your ability to stand around better than others. And pray you then make an impression. Preferably a good one. As you might gather from these scenarios, I don’t really have a clue. Either way, neither of the two above are really great options. Neither are really options if I’m being honest. Not for me at least while I am back in Ireland.

I remember the one full time actress I spoke to since I have been back, told me that if you want to do any acting in Ireland, t.v or film work anyways, you need to go to London. Apparently you have a far better chance of getting an audition for a show even like Fair City, if you were based in London, than if you were based in Dublin. Which is very heartening to know. Especially when you’re mostly based in Cork while you wait to hopefully sort out a visa back to L.A. Her beliefs proved to be spot on after my attempts today. In this day and age, if the information is not online, then it is probably looking dodge. At least now I am a bit more clued in. Slightly. Acting will have to be kept on ice for a while. 

With that in mind, I turned my attentions back to writing today. As I’ve said before, you can thankfully do that anywhere. In theory anyways. Preferably, I’d like to do it in places where the inspiration is over-flowing, i.e not really here. Still though, with a combination of perseverance and dedication, along with some weird thing called patience, that mental barrier can be overcome. At least, thats the great advice Google provided me with today. He would not leave me hanging in the writing department! Go on the Google!!!

Song on…

The Big Pink

Dominos – The Big Pink