Fine. I’ll Comb It.

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Who wants to hear a ridiculously pointless story?! Ah well, it’s not ridiculously pointless. Ah well, it actually is. Maybe not completely pointless. To one person. Probably just the one. Probably. Although if you are one of the many people who have ever felt the need to insist I should comb my hair, maybe you might find it of note. Probably. Not. Thing is. I just remembered. How big a combed head I used to be. Immaculate parting. Straight as an arrow. Splitting hairs. Like a landing strip. White line down the centre of my head. Nicely tanned during the summer. Brazilian. Or whichever one that is. Perfect divide. No stragglers. East. West. A combing king. King Combs! Bit of Brylcreem. Followed by a quick flick of a brush. Either side of the Berlin Wall. Little bit of a fringe. Check in the mirror. And. I. Was. Dancing! Continue Reading »

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Simply Don’t. Probably Wont.

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Over the past few days I have realised that there is a bucket load of things I don’t quite understand. And probably wont. Ever. Perhaps better off not. Such as, wearing jeans in the gym. Not to the gym. But actually in the gym. Working out. On a thread mill. Going all out. Hell for leather. Also wearing what can also only be described as a sports bra. Or else a very, very, very small and tight belly top kind of piece of clothing. I didn’t get it. And I never will. Particularly as the person in question was a guy. Bizarre enough to say the least. Not a fan of using a thread mill as it was. This incident ensured that I won’t be trying them out again too soon. Although, being honest, even if it was a girl, a good-looking girl to up the ante even more, I still wouldn’t get the wearing jeans in a gym part. Continue Reading »

Back To Basically You’re An Ape

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Ape

A day can make a big difference in L.A. Seven of them can be huge. This time last week I was just starting to get over my freaking out period. The hump was being climbed on and giddied over. Since then, every day has been on the up. Back to the good days of L-Hey. Looking back, you would wonder why bother getting so worked up over small, small issues. A scissors? Some ape. You know 6 months down the line they will mean nothing at all. I know this, yet I was still being an ape. Once an ape… and all that. I seriously do think it was the gin comedown, a drop never again. Now that I’ve moved on from that, I need to get a few things prioritised. Unfortunately today has stagnated big time with the back to basics spoof. Now that things are being ticked off the to-do and get settled list, the slippery slope of bums-ville is creeping upon me. Continue Reading »