Category Archives: Writing

Hey Day, It’s Not You, It’s Me.

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Not You, It's Me

Now and again people like to pass the buck along. Blame someone else, if something doesn’t go our way. Lately, I’ve gone down an alternative route. I have taken to blaming stuff on the day. ‘Mondays are brutal, so slow.’ Followed the next day by…‘What? Another slow day?!’ Today started off not so bad. Unfortunately in the last few hours it has turned into a slow night. Watching the most mediocre game of football I’ve seen in years, followed by a failed attempt at going to the gym. When your car is blocked in by another car, and the keys are not here to move it, you could easily blame the day. ‘Here we go again, another slow day.’ Not anymore. I’m taking it as a sign that the day is sick of me blaming everything on it. Not the day that is slow. The day has done nothing to me. It’s me. I’m the slow one. Acknowledging it is my first step on the road to recovery. Continue Reading »

V-No. Bi-O. Eh, No.

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Wine

My assignment was pretty straightforward… ‘Could you please supply a short bio note that can be used for press releases and the cover of your book. Roughly about 100 words. You can decide if you want to be either light hearted or just stick to the chronological facts.’ Sounds pretty easy, should take me a few minutes. Needed for Monday morning, I’ll do it up quickly on Sunday sometime. Off to enjoy my weekend, 100 words, I will see you Sunday.

Foolishness. While I did anticipate that I would probably be hungover yesterday, I never considered it might be a wine-induced hangover. Normal hangovers slow me down considerably as it is. Wine hangovers, as I remembered yesterday, make me embarrassingly dumb. Smartest thing I did was not to leave my house. At least the embarrassment could be restricted to staying within a confined space, and not spread its wings. Most of the time. Now and again it found its way out through the loophole of texting. Continue Reading »

Oh Ja. Ganz Toll!

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German Chat-Up

Off the top of my head, I am struggling to think of things which are fun to do in German. Maybe cursing. ‘Leck mich am Arsch!’ always makes my inner me laugh if I rattle it off to someone. Doesn’t really have a serious tone to it. In fact, if I ever hear people rattle off a fiery line or two in German, it always makes me laugh. I remember one guy freaking at me because I tackled him properly in a game of Fussball, and while he tried to berate me ‘Du Arschloch. Fich dich, Weckser!’ he just ended up making me laugh. Which made him worse. So worked well on all accounts. That’s one fun thing to do in German.

A better one comes to mind. Trying to chat up a girl in German, is usually hilarious. Especially Continue Reading »

As I Sat At My Desk…

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Pondering

… I pondered, ‘Why the funk am I having thoughts in the form of paragraphs, as if I’m reading them out of a book?’ For about a week, I have been catching myself thinking long, continuous thoughts. Fully formed sentence after fully formed sentence. As if they were written down. Except there is no book in front of me. I might be speaking to someone. Watching t.v. Or DJ’ing. But instead of the usual routine of random thoughts bouncing around aimlessly, subconsciously, they are now coming into my head as ‘As I played the final song for the night, I was quite looking forward to going home. Oh sweet Jesus, I thought to myself, not this woman again, requesting the song I just played for her.’ Instead of simply ‘Can’t wait to go home. Oh no, not you.’ Worse still, words like ‘however’, ‘eventually’, ‘all in all’ and so on, are being used in my head without me purposely doing it. When do you ever purposely think the word ‘however’ without meaning to?! Why I say worse still, is down to the fact that Continue Reading »

Save The Dolphins!

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Dolphin

Last night I made the conscious decision to do absolutely nothing. After a day of re-writing, I was fairly tired. Kind of. Decided to take the night off from the gym. The night off from doing the blog. As opposed to not being able to do them, for whatever reason. Usually involves a tipple or two. Thought it might be good, get an early night’s sleep, fully refreshed and raring to go today then. Nay. Worst call ever. Well, again, kind of. I believe, I might be addicted to the gym and the blog. For the simple fact, that I reckon the lack of endorphins being released last night, were a contributing reason, to a wall of something hitting me, out of the blue. Continue Reading »

An Honest Mistake

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My Bad

One of the best things I have found about playing Fussball throughout the years, is that you end up with a wide spectrum of buddies. City folk, farmers, millionaires, bums, guys who are younger than you, older than you, and everything in between. The basis for you getting on so well with them, usually comes down to the banter ye have with each other. You mock me, I mock you back, we all mock each other. Just the way it went. Usually the people who you mocked more, were the ones who you were better buddies with. Better laugh with each other. Not always, but usually. As opposed to one-off, snide remarks, for example.

Sincerely Yours... Seriously

One year I played on the same team with a guy who was in his late 30’s. We got on well, even though we only played with the same club for a short time. He might mock my clothes or hair. In return, I’d question his real reasons for playing on, at such an age. Harmless banter. One night, out after a match, fairly hammered, Continue Reading »