Oh Ja. Ganz Toll!

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German Chat-Up

Off the top of my head, I am struggling to think of things which are fun to do in German. Maybe cursing. ‘Leck mich am Arsch!’ always makes my inner me laugh if I rattle it off to someone. Doesn’t really have a serious tone to it. In fact, if I ever hear people rattle off a fiery line or two in German, it always makes me laugh. I remember one guy freaking at me because I tackled him properly in a game of Fussball, and while he tried to berate me ‘Du Arschloch. Fich dich, Weckser!’ he just ended up making me laugh. Which made him worse. So worked well on all accounts. That’s one fun thing to do in German.

A better one comes to mind. Trying to chat up a girl in German, is usually hilarious. Especially at the start, if you move to Germany and have little to no clue what you’re trying to say. You can’t really embellish a point, or drop in a few innuendos. It is all up-front, basic, cringe-worthy attempts. You end up churning out the German equivalent of ‘Yes, it is a great night. Thank you so much for asking. You and your dress looks good looking on this night’… struggling to bridge the gap… ‘Shall we go back to my place of living? Nein? Ja? Nein. Ok, super. I will look at you again soon. I mean, see you soon.’ Then you realize that they all speak better English than you do, and you’re flying ‘Yup, giddy up them steps, yup, yup!’ Or whatever the English equivalent of that might be. However, initially it is pretty funny to hear how dumb you sound when you try to be suave in German.

Only The Two

The list stops there for me. I’m sure there are plenty, plenty more fun things to do in German. Unfortunately, I know writing parts of a book in German is not on that list. In the slightest. Not yet anyways, when my German is a rusty old nail. The last time I wrote anything in German, it was translating machine gun manuals for the Navy. Sit in the seat. Hold the gun. Pull the trigger. Reload. Repeat. Clean the gun after use. Well done. Except slightly more technical than that. Obviously. And I mean far more technical. Technically speaking, I probably know the insides of one of those guns better than I know myself.

Ramble On

Trying to do a crash course this week on humorous, witty, colloquial, easy to read German, has my brain on overload. Deadline is Friday for samples from the book for the book fair in Frankfurt next week. It is as if I have to make the transition from technical geek trying to chat up or impress someone with analogies of ‘pistons’ ‘shafts’ and ‘release the trigger’. Snort. To the way a normal person might speak. Thank God I have a German girl proof reading my efforts so far. Gott sei Dank! I hear you say, Gott sei Dank. I know.

One last analogy. I imagine no girl really ever wants to get married just for the sake of it. Less of a proposal, more of an ultimatum. Especially if they are the ones who initiate it… ‘Look, marry me, or it’s over.’ To which the guy exhales, shrugs his shoulders and half heartedly gives in. If I have to, let’s just get it over and done with. Happy? No clue at all why I thought I’d use that comparison. At all. It popped into my head as if it had happened to one of my friends. But I’m beginning to think I might have seen it in a movie, maybe. Or else just blatantly made it up. Anyways, I thought it would suit the approach to the book somehow? That I must make sure I don’t just rush through it, for the sake of getting it done. Want to make sure it’s done the right way? Even if it is a big old mountain of work? Sarah Palin wrote a book in under four months. People see her as a clown? I’m hoping to write a book in about four weeks? What has that to do with anything? Worst analogy ever? Oh ja, ganz toll.

Cold Cave

Life Magazine – Cold Cave

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