LonDumb – Part VI (Or, Am I Being Deported?)

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Toilet

Continuing on from…
LonDumb – Part I 
LonDumb – Part II 
LonDumb – Part III
LonDumb – Part IV

LonDumb – Part V

Pompeii – Bastille

Eating all that paper. Not the best preparation for a flight back to America. Customs. Fully to the fore. What if they do what they did to Kailand?! But I’m legal, fully, I have a visa! I know, calm down, it’s just you might get a guy who’s having a bad day and he could screw you over somehow. But I have a visa, I’m all good! Well we didn’t even think what happened to Kailand could have possibly happened and you know how well that went! Oh balls. Me bowels. Durchfall. At least I was in business class. Paranoid but comfortable. Always key. Although I do need the bathroom.

Dose.

Both taken.

Wait. Spot a guy on the other side waiting too. Obligatory nod hello. Ignores me. Nice. Standing. Wishing. Thinking. Waiting. Did I ever Continue Reading »

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LonDumb – Part V (Or… Why Did I Eat Paper?)

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Goat

(Continuing on from… LonDumb – Part I LonDumb – Part II LonDumb – Part III LonDumb – Part IV)

Walking On Broken Glass – Annie Lennox

Pa Ranoid they might call me, if my name was Pa, Paddy, Pat or Patrick. Thankfully, it is none of the above. But I am paranoid. And I’m in a hotel lobby. On my final morn in London. Waiting for a car to show up to take me to the airport. Wondering whether I should just eat all this paper? Or… Can’t see any other option really.

So the day before Continue Reading »

High Five. You Goat. Hug My Ear.

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Goat

One other downfall that I forgot to mention yesterday, with regards to DJ’ing, is that the day after, I feel highly hungover. Even more so when I don’t drink. Completely wrecked. And end up having the productivity levels of a sleeping goat. Like I did all day today. I’m not going to harp on again about the bewildering aspects of people and their requests. Still though, for it to keep occurring on a nightly basis, has me questioning the average person’s mental state. Then wondering, perhaps, is it my own that is the problem. Not sure where the fault lies.

After overhearing one girl tell her friend that it was her mission to annoy me for the night, the only logical reason that I could think of why so, was that she must’ve read the blog, and thought it would be funny to do it? Why else would a stranger go out of her way to do that? However, after briefly speaking with her, I soon realized that she was definitely not up to the reading level to do so. She was an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, Continue Reading »

Vi-Ya?

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Border Control

To all those who have stuck with the blog through the dark ages of being back in Ireland, I have some good news. The light is beginning to shine at the end of the tunnel. After a long and em, fun wait for the past few weeks, I finally had my visa appointment on Friday. It was a long and nervous event, so I’ll try a new brief technique…

Sleepless night. Wrecked. Porridge. Eggs. Protein shake. Coffee. Dodge. Nerves. Stomach. Rumble. Queasy. Embassy. Searched. Frisked. Entry. Early. Waiting. Forms. Letters. Photo. Photo? No photo. No joy. Start again. Continue Reading »

Hello, Small Talk, Goodbye. Hello Again!

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Today has been spent taking care of annoying little errands, in preparation for tomorrow. Which I achieved, surprisingly, with immense efficiency. All went to plan. Big day tomorrow. I’ll give you a clue… starts with v, ends with ah. I and agra in the middle. A new batch is being delivered in the morning, hopefully. As I managed to take out my bundle of small tasks so well, I had plenty of time to notice small, innocuous, pointless, yet interesting little things. Wuu. Such as…

The wonder of small talk. 

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Fail Whale

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Yesterday, writing wise at least, was fairly productive. I must admit I felt invigorated having a project to get stuck into. As I bounced out of bed this morning, I had high hopes for another day of the same. These hopes were quickly dashed. Checking emails first thing in the morning might have to be cut out of my routine. First email was from my accountant. In case you might not know, technically speaking, I have my own translation company. A checkered past. If you need any documents translated from German to English, you now know who to come to. I specialize in gun manuals as well. Strange but true.

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Hang On, The Hangover?

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Isn’t that an ingenious title?! No? Thank you, only took me 2 songs to think of it. Anyways, I know I am about a year late, but I finally saw The Hangover tonight. And, to be honest, even though I was hoping it was going to live up to the hype, I thought it fell a bit short. Too many people saying it was too funny and over hyping it a bit up too much. Although it is probably the funniest movie of the summer and all that.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was good, especially compared to other recent-ish comedies, but it wasn’t really hilarious. In fact, thinking back about it, there were only a few funny-funny parts. Not a lot of really hilarious scenes though. More just Vegas incidents, tiger in the bathroom, perhaps, as an example. It is nowhere near as good as a Superbad, or the likes, in my opinion at least. I went to see Superbad two days in a row in the cinema with buddies who thought it was equally as good. Chumps? Maybe. Was it worth going again? Definitely.

Tonight as we left the cinema, myself and my buddy were banding around a few quotes from the movie. Or trying to, at least. I think we got as far as one, the pronunciation of retard, ha, which was funny. Think of other movies though, Superbad or Old School for example. A plethora of funny quotes pop into my head straight away (pick any of Frank the Tank’s or any scene from Superbad). Maybe that’s just me, but I couldn’t think of a lot from The Hangover. Which is probably why I think it was over-rated. The fat guy is obviously brilliant and the main guy makes a good lead, but the other parts don’t really shine as much as I thought they would. I think the guy who lost a tooth is brilliant in The Office, but here not as much, only a few laughs? I almost laugh at every line he says in The Office.

Now that I think about other parts, the Chinese guy was kind of funny, but not top dollar, more of a ha, than a proper laugh. Compared to how it turned out in the movie, the Tyson punch looked way funnier in the trailer. What made me leave thinking the movie was initially better than it might’ve have been, were the photos in the end credits. Especially after the boring wedding ending (bar the singer in the band part). The photos just made me think that it would have been some laugh to have made that movie… in Vegas, surrounded with all Vegas has to offer, how could it not have been good?! No wonder they all looked so pleased. 

Anyways, there is a point to me being so critical of a good (but not great) movie. It has spurred me on with the dumb belief that I could do better. I know you might be thinking that I sound like an ape or an arrogant fool, but if I don’t have the faith that I can write a better movie than that, then who will have the dumb faith?!! Bold statement, all I need to do now is shut up and deliver. It will come, we all have a “Good Will Hunting” in us. Believe!

Besides that, kind of related today, was the news that I know now when my visa appointment is to find out do I get my fancy new visa approved. Touch wood. About 3 weeks away for the appointment, so I kind of have a deadline-ish to produce one polished and hilarious script at the very minimum. Deadline all the way. Finally this limbo land living has an end on the horizon!

Has to be done, a few of the best parts of Superbad…

Rainbow Bridge

Big Wave Rider – Rainbow Bridge