Free The RanDumber Chapter – Yee Huu!

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Because The Night – Patti Smith

Chapter 19

First. Ever. Shhh…

Did I ever tell you I’m a fan of the crust? The heel. You know, the start and end parts of a loaf of bread. Whichever name you want to call that rose. Lot of folk don’t like it at all. But I’m a fan. Particularly when it’s toasted. Tasty. As. Funk!

So when I went to prepare a celebratory meal for myself last night, I did not mind that all I had left was one slice of bread crust. Horsed it into the toaster. Checked the fridge. What else do I have for this fine meal? Hmm. Fridge. Bare. Naked. Tut. Although, I do have two baby tomatoes left. Wonderful. Anything else? Sniff. Balls. Toast. Burning. Burnt. Ah Jiminy. Not to worry, I shall make do. Nothing can sour this mighty celebration!

In the end, I had: One burnt slice of toast. Two sliced tomatoes. And. A glass of gin, to wash it all down. Mmhmmm. Tasty. Horsed it into me. Two bites. Two chugs. Gone. Quite the feast. Quite the celebrations. Standing in my kitchen. Alone. In my underwear. Betsy. Momentous occasion! Rejoice! Could’ve been a burnt sock for all I care. Especially as moments earlier I had finally finished a full draft of my first ever book. Wuu huu!

Rambling. Boney. Skeleton. The first draft.

According to Hemingway: The shit one.

Or as a clown might say: Continue Reading »

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Backsplash Flashback

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Climbing Up The Walls – Strange Talk

Bobby Beard. Nobby No Beard. Polly and Esther. Spanish Dexter (Spandex). Vinnie ‘The Straight’ Sanchez. Amazing week. Concocted some amount of new characters to talk to in my head. Some gibber. Speaking of which, Saturday night was amazing. In the sense it was the first Saturday in donkeys that I didn’t DJig. Night off. Oh Betsy. Even better, mighty party to go to. Buddy’s one year wedding anniversary. Up in the hills. Out the back of his mighty garden. Chandeliers dangling from trees. Lights sparkling in the bushes. All done up. Looking savage. Tables. Bar. Music. Food. Party on! Told it was a casual affair. Dress casually. OK. Show up. Everyone else more or less suited and booted. Mighty. Oh yeah. It was casual. But then I just found out it’s kind of formal too. Ah you’ll be grand!

Savage party in fairness. Host happens to have just arrived back from a musical tour of Europa. Watched a bit of footage of that. Looked beyond unreal. Funreal unreal. Singing in front of 70,000+ people must be some buzz. Mental stuff. Must admit I’m looking forward to doing my stand-up stadium tour even more after watching it. You know, once this book is finished and all. Obviously. Here’s an amazing photo showing me having an amazing time… Continue Reading »

Land Of Perplexion

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Recently I’ve been asked to do a couple of articles for Irish publications of various sorts. Big shot. Huge. Ape. Massive. All asking for the same angle. Life in L.A. Along with a few photos. No worries. Jot down a few adventures. Shillings. Hook me up. Not realising that they all actually meant something else. Celebrities you’ve met in L.A. Along with a few photos of these celebrities. Oh right. Sounds fun. Broke the news that I’ve being living in a cave for a few weeks. So wrote them an article about all the celebrities I didn’t get to meet. Told me they’d wait until I emerged. Friday night has led me to believe that perhaps I might not be the most perceptive kind of ape to do these articles. Continue Reading »