Carmafunkingidiot

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Big Bad Wolf – Duck Sauce

Carmaggedon: Some spoof. Never seen the roads so quiet. Hollywood hype! Waste of a shotgun. End of the world will have to wait.

Me: Some idiot. Have you ever tried to take shortcuts, even though you’ve never been in the place before? Some clown. Driving back from a gig on Saturday. Never there before. But I know where I’m going. Let’s take this left here. Down this lane. Now if I just swing around on this 270˚ angle. Go up this hill. Along this back road. And I should be home… Why am I on the Pacific Coast Highway?Heading for San Francisco? Some funking idiot. Berating myself in the car: Why are you trying to take shortcuts?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!! Only took me thirty five minutes to get back to the original road I was on. Some. Ape. Dope.

DJigs: Corporate gigs are the way to go. Forget bars or clubs. One night. About two hours of work. Rent. Sorted. Giddy up! No wonder singers and the likes do those weird gigs in Saudia Arabia or on a Russian billionaire’s yacht. Money talks. Let’s not mention how irregular they can be. Shhh. Nice views too. Rooftop on… Continue Reading »

Free. Megan Fox. Music.

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The Night Out – Martin Solveig

Apparently. If you have Megan Fox in a headline, people will automatically click on it. Did it work? Nice insider trick for any copy writer out there! Speaking of inside information: You’d be surprised at how many people book me for DJ sets without ever hearing a mix I’ve done. No clue if I’m good or not. Amazing. Take Friday. Deep down the writing well. Late afternoon. Email: Hello fine sir. Got your contact details from another DJ. Want to play at this venue tonight? Emmm. New venue. In fact, probably Hollywood’s new hot spot. SBE group’s latest venture. (If you’ve ever watched The Hills, all those clubs are SBE.) Anyway. Decide. In. Or. Nay? Money wasn’t what one might expect. But. Foot in the door and all that. Cool. Dance on. I’m in. And just like that, you’re DJing at another Hollywood hot spot. Mighty. Ish… Continue Reading »

Amerricka! Funk Yeah!

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I Want To Break Free – Mariachillout

Seeing as the rest of America is celebrating its birthday and its right to dance, I feel now is the perfect time to do a quick expose. Show the people of Ireland (et al) the truth! What it’s really like to live in LA. Won’t lie, pre-tty gruesome. Remember Schindler’s List? Kind of like that. Exactly. Ish. Maybe. Not at all…

So at times I’m required to work under absolutely dreadful conditions. Outside. Sweltering. Loud. Noisy. Crowded. Eye sores. Everywhere. Just. Tut. Terrible.

Apologies. Should’ve given ye a warning. My bad. As you can see, that was tough. To make matters even worse, some days we’re required to do this after work… Continue Reading »

Free The E!!!

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Murmurs Of Middle-Earth – Pogo

Short and sweet. First of all, remember I gibbered on before about free books for all? Well. How about some ebooks for some?! Simply Facebook status or tweet this simple tweet to be in for a chance to win. Leave a comment to say you’ve done it! I’ll horse out five or ten free Randumb ebooks to readers or tweeters…

Oh Betsy!! How I want to win some free Randumb books… Free The E!!! http://bit.ly/mP60Vo #Randumb #On! FreeTheE!!!

Or if you prefer to support the cause and buy it, you can do so here and there. Also. Here’s the article about me in the Sunday Independent this weekend. Some reactions to the article before you read: Continue Reading »

Dropping E!

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Loser – Beck
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Women Are From Nuts. Men Are From Morons!

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Sun Of A Gun – Oh Land

Tough old week. Got chased by an angry snarling Alsatian. Not sure. But. Might be related to the previous blog? Speaking of which. Quiet on the blogaruu. My bad. Very busy doing highly important things. Such as… Walking into people. Rushing for the bathroom. Power striding. Bladder bursting. In synch. Hand out. Turned the door handle. Opened the bathroom door. Foot forward. Weight forward. Unfortunately. Guy exiting at the exact same time. Door open. Foot back. Weight back. Little chap. Walked into him. Onto him. Fell. And somehow ended up pinning him down to the bathroom floor. Half holding. Half hugging. Some little chap in a cap. Trying to break his fall. More importantly, break mine. All happened quite quickly. All ended quite awkwardly. Another guy came out of a cubicle. And looked down. At us. Tut. Tough week. As I said. Busy. Realising highly important things. Such as… Continue Reading »