Tag Archives: Mark Hayes

Hold Me Closer, Private Dancer

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Elton John

Dancing In The Moonlight – Thin Lizzy

Thirty minutes in. I think I might be drunk. A tad tipsy. High as a kite. On my way to skunks who are drunks town. In the non-literal sense. Obviously. Literally, I’m 45,000 feet in the air on the way to Miami. High flying. Fly in the sky. It’s early. Half seven or something. One hour earlier I was in bed. Two hours before that I was watching the end of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Mighty movie. Sidetracked me from packing though. And also meant I stupidly only had two hours sleep. So it’s early. I’m drunk. And I’m on a private jet. Oh yeaaah.

Private jets are Continue Reading »

RanDumb Teaser… An Irish-American Classic.

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Made this a while ago for TV meetings and the likes. Tease on, as they say. Here’s the tale of it all -> I Shot The Sheriff. Sticking it up for Paddy’s Day, how wonderful. RanDumber shall be free this weekend too so keep on eye out for that. Spread the glorious gibber. Watch on!

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Boring Bob

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Boring Bob

Everybody Wants To Rule The World – Tears For Fears
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Harking back to my college days, oh what a lark, one thing that sticks out in my mind is texting girls on behalf of my friends. Not all the time, just some times, if they got stuck trying to woo a girl. Sometimes I still actually do it which might be a bit harsh on the unlucky girl – making her think my wit (or lack there of) is his wit and all that. I’ll get over it, I hope. Anyway, I was usually asked for help when a friend might want the girl to come out and meet him but she was leaning more towards staying in. Through my own means, I found one trick that almost always worked. The texting conversation might go as follows: Continue Reading »

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Comfortably Dumb

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Sweatpants

Cause – Rodriguez

So yesterday a couple of lights, bombs, bells and whistles exploded off in my head. It’s a been a while. Epiphany on. I was talking to a guy who asked me a simple enough question:

What have you been doing lately?

Rattled off the usual replies.

This.

That.

The gibber.

Grand. As you duu. Until he asked a follow up: Continue Reading »

LonDumb – Part VI (Or, Am I Being Deported?)

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Toilet

Continuing on from…
LonDumb – Part I 
LonDumb – Part II 
LonDumb – Part III
LonDumb – Part IV
LonDumb – Part V

Pompeii – Bastille

Eating all that paper. Not the best preparation for a flight back to America. Customs. Fully to the fore. What if they do what they did to Kailand?! But I’m legal, fully, I have a visa! I know, calm down, it’s just you might get a guy who’s having a bad day and he could screw you over somehow. But I have a visa, I’m all good! Well we didn’t even think what happened to Kailand could have possibly happened and you know how well that went! Oh balls. Me bowels. Durchfall. At least I was in business class. Paranoid but comfortable. Always key. Although I do need the bathroom.

Dose.

Both taken.

Wait. Spot a guy on the other side waiting too. Obligatory nod hello. Ignores me. Nice. Standing. Wishing. Thinking. Waiting. Did I ever Continue Reading »

LonDumb – Part V (Or… Why Did I Eat Paper?)

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Goat

(Continuing on from… LonDumb – Part I LonDumb – Part II LonDumb – Part III LonDumb – Part IV)

Walking On Broken Glass – Annie Lennox

Pa Ranoid they might call me, if my name was Pa, Paddy, Pat or Patrick. Thankfully, it is none of the above. But I am paranoid. And I’m in a hotel lobby. On my final morn in London. Waiting for a car to show up to take me to the airport. Wondering whether I should just eat all this paper? Or… Can’t see any other option really.

So the day before Continue Reading »