12000+ Downloads. Yee Huu. Thank Duu!


Super Morrissey Bros – Lazyitis

Since we last gibbered, there has been some mighty dancing. Books. Flying. Shelves. Off. Into. People. Eyes. Bodies. Minds. Souls. RanDumber came out. RanDumb got an Amazon push. Twelve thousand people downloaded the dancer in the first three days. A fairy’s tale. Infected with my feck. Spreading the good word. #1 on Amazon Humor in the US and the UK at the same time. Right up there with Tina Fey and Karl Pilkington. #39 in Amazon overall I do believe.

Whured my dear life out. Book on. Had mighty help from numerous folk. Twitter. Facebook. Forums. Bookclubs. Here, there and all in our underwear. Thanks to all who spread the word. Thanks to all who downloaded. Thanks to those who already left mighty reviews. And also, in no particular order, a special thank duu to these mighty Twitter folk for helping to spread the word:

@Janebustard @Silke_tweets @CatChaton @katybaines @moonii__ @Mellers1313 @TeamBarlliams @luv4rob @antomalachite @cp148 @luacen @bbggmum @Sheriblue @AmyGawthorpe @Nuria1966 @rocketjsquirrel @mykai @KatharineAshe @meandmybigmouth @damienmulley @victorbarry @lanlih @PeterORiordan1 @jennywho @dingadeal  @davidgaughran @eims_mc @tomholohan

Amazon knows best… Continue Reading »

Toe-Knee! Tow-Me! Eh… Tony!


Apparently, the average Josephine Soap is more likely to come running to your aid if you shout out ‘Fire, fire!’ as opposed to ‘Help, yelp!’. Apparently. As long as you don’t make it sound like you’re daring your mugger with a gun to shoot. In which case you might be screwed. Another similar sounding word which makes me run, around like a headless chicken, is ‘Fine’. It is an annoying word to be true. Implying one thing. In reality another thing completely. Depending if an ‘a’ is used before it or not. That’s fine. Yeah, that is fine. The weather is fine. It is a fine day! One fine day! No, you idiot. I said that’s a fine. Oh Jesus. Head off. Chicken on. Continue Reading »

Chimping Away


I do believe that more people in Ireland should be on Twitter. And here is why… the number one question I have been asked in a hurry, since I got home, has been – “Are you on Meteor?” (For any none Irish readers, Meteor customers get free phone calls and texts to each other). I have since come up with a handy tactic. If I want to talk to that person, then the answer is yes. If I don’t, then I am not Meteor I’m afraid, why do yo… usually the person has hung up at this stage, so that no more of their credit is wasted. Am I actually on Meteor? Who knows, it depends, ha. The truth is, weirdly enough, my Yank phone, like in Mexico, is free to use in Ireland, so I am really still using that. 

Back to my great point. If more people were on Twitter, they could just text Twitter their group text, e.g Who’s out tonight? One text to Twitter, and they will have reached all their other friends, who are also on Twitter. Including those not on Meteor. I have noticed that some people are no longer friends with each other anymore, or may not have spoken with them in a long, long time, purely based on what network they now are. The big R, huh, a roll-on effect!

Although, it is fair to say that some people are on Twitter. Seeing as a girl I spoke to the other night, told me that she too was watching Neil Young on t.v, playing at Glastonbury (I did a Twitter of how good he was, savage, rocking on!). Anyways, I did get the impression that she was lying to me, perhaps saying it just for the sake of it. Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe she did see Neil Young, but seeing as she told me she loved Neil Diamond “He was so good at Glastonbury, I saw your Tweet” Neil Diamond? Are you sure? “Yeah, I love (cue singing voice) – Forever in blue jeans babe – he looked so good at Glastonbury, wish I was there” Neil Diamond? Definitely? “Eh, yeah, Neil Diamond, forever in blue jeans, my favourite…” I think she might have made the story up. But, maybe I’m wrong.

Come to think of it, maybe I’m wrong about a lot of things. I personally think change is good. But maybe I’m wrong. Recently, a guy came up to me who definitely was not a fan of change. I gathered this from “I remember you in school, you’ve changed. What are you up to? When are you going to cop on?” School. Not back in college/university, but back in school (which is another weird thing, in Ireland and Emerica everyone says college, all Europe say university, horrendously pointless point by me really). Not even sure if he was referring to secondary school either, or further back to primary school. We’ll say secondary though. Which would be about 8 years.  Changed in 8 years. What a weird thing to do. When I gave the compliment back, that he had not changed a bit, I could see that this pleased him immensely. Win, win really. Being honest, I only recognized him because of the school jumper he was still wearing. Oh Jesus.

See, maybe I am wrong. Maybe resigning myself to the fact that I have already had the best summer of my life, or the best night of my life, or the best haircut of my life, or have already been with the hottest girl that unreal night when my haircut was unreal, is the way to go. I wish I could go back to those days. They were unreal. Seriously. Greatest ever. Sounds like the better option really.

 Today has been progressive enough, chimping away all day! Ha, the chimp part came from a girl earlier, we’ll call her Theodore, mistaking the word chip, for chimp. In fairness though, chimpmunks and chipmunks are close enough. Maybe it wasn’t a fully productive day actually. Although, in the past few days, a good few innocuous incidents like those above, have got me thinking, and I now have a new light to shine upon the sitcom. A different approach, which is getting good feedback already. From family and friends. Which doesn’t really count. Only the opinionated shrill of a gay man counts these days it seems. They did set that bar high!

Speaking of which, the blog numbers have ballooned in the past few days. Go on the blog! Not too sure why. As in there has been no flogging of its amazing appeal. Obviously, the past few blogaruus have just been superb. Hoviously. Which leads me to believe, that maybe a third light could be shone on the sitcom angle. Perhaps one about a dope sitting around all day Twittering and Spacebooking, while pestering people with emails and phone calls, could be a big, big hit too. I think I may be onto something. Then again, I’ve changed. Maybe not. Who knows? 

Song of this chimpy day…

Vampire Weekend

The Kids Don't Stand A Chance (Miike Snow Remix) - Vampire Weekend



Ha, You’re An Idiot. Seriously.

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Strangely, the following two incidents occurred within minutes of each other earlier today. Firstly, I made a cup of coffee, but boiled the kettle without checking. Lo and behold, there was exactly half a cup’s worth of water for coffee. An exact half cup. I looked at the cup for a few minutes. Wondering about the irony. The meaning. A good few minutes. Just staring at the cup. Trying to decide if it was half full. Or half empty. Until I put in some milk, and it was well over half full.

Minutes later I was on Spacebook, chatting with a buddy, who reminded me that it was the June weekend. Which, in turn, reminded me how long I have left on my current visa. When I remarked this to my buddy, thinking to myself how time is ticking, crunch time, my head getting a bit dizzy at the thought of it, his immediate response was “Plenty of time, head down, write on”. Even though my coffee was almost finished, the cup was still half full!!!

Was it fate that these two incidents happened within a few minutes of each other, as to highlight the importance? Perhaps. Do these two incidents have any correlation or meaning, whatsoever? Highly doubtful. Am I just connecting two stupid events and making one longer story of them? Definitely. However, it did kick me into gear a bit. I am heading back to L.A on Sunday, must make a few moves before the visa runs it course. Initially I had planned on being back well before now, but the sitcom is taking longer than I anticipated (I think my self diagnosis of OCD is making me re-write every line so that it is absolutely perfect). Almost there though, good to have a deadline as well.

Another reason why I chose Sunday, is that I am DJ’ing in San Fran on Saturday night. One might say, I am being flown all over the West coast these days to play gigs. But one would be lying. Still though, any bobs are highly appreciated in this day and age. Gig on! My reputation must be growing, I was head hunted for the gig. Word must travel quite quickly up from L.A. Absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my cousin’s fiance works at the venue. Definitely was asked from word of mouth and reputation alone. Anyone up in Frisco reading this, come along. Its down on Castro, dress code is chaps only.

A word for any writer without a clue like myself, or anyone who might be interested. I mentioned before that I have a great guru in L.A, who supplies me with invaluable information about the business, as they call it, the ins & outs, of which I am ridiculously clueless about. Anyways, usually if I call him, or he rings me to see how I am progressing, he laughs a bit at the start of the conversation (I do like to laden my conversations with jokes towards the start, make a good impression and all). However, he’s not laughing with me, purely and directly at me. At how clueless I am. Which, in turn, freaks me out. Oh good God, what have I done now, can the situation be rectified.

There were a few reasons why the laughter was forthcoming this time. I mentioned a few posts back, that I had a marketing company lined up in L.A, who offered to help with my viral campaign for the scenes which I intend on making. I have typed that sentence before, so it should really have clicked with me, that a few glaring potholes were in place. But it didn’t. Not even close. I was just giddy that the offer was given to me, it had made me feel productive in some way. When I declared this, proud as punch of my achievement, I was simply told “You have well and truly put the cart in front of the horse. In your typical Irish way. If nothing else, you were entertaining me with your irregular (i.e clueless) approach to getting the sitcom made”. Go on, I’m listening.

Question 1: “What was it exactly that you are going to do a viral marketing campaign for?”

The sitcom. “What sitcom?” My one. The one I am writing. “Oh right, your script?” But I’ll get a scene or two made as well. That is what the viral campaign will be about – show people a scene or two. Get people interested. “And then, show them two scenes, and thats it? The buzz just dies off?” Eh, haven’t really thought that far ahead. “You need about 40 scenes (exaggerating). You need to make the best scene from the episode you write. Then make the second best, and so on. Until, if needs be, you have made your own episode. Then you have something to show people. To keep them interested. And wanting more” Oh right. Didn’t really get that part. I just liked the word viral and the thought of having a campaign for something I was doing.

Question 2: “How much info about the sitcom, name, episode, premise etc have you told people about? Particularly in L.A?”

In L.A, just one, my buddy who runs the marketing company. I just emailed him a few lines about the premise though. And the name. I can email it to you as well now, sound good?!!! Wuu. Actually, I told two people in Ireland too, I think, and… At this stage, I started to think I was going to be laughed at. The green naive trusting fool. No. Worse… I was calmly spoken to, in a serious tone… “Don’t trust anyone, particularly in L.A, especially in L.A. Including me. Friendship is friendship, but business is business. Put everything in writing. Everyday in L.A, ideas are being taken, stolen, overheard in restaurants and used. People who had a bit of luck with one project, but are now struggling to find their next big thing, are always on the prowl to take your idea and cut you out. It has happened to me” Oh Jesus. “Hang up the phone. Do not email or tell me anything. Go to the Writer’s Guild website, and register absolutely everything. The name, the pitch, your material, the episode you are writing, everything. Then, call me back and tell me if you like”

Oh Jesus. Beads of sweat were pouring at this stage. Straight onto their website, copy and pasted everything into one Word document, and registered it all. Mastercard, you pulled it out of somewhere, good work. Might not be much, but at least it is now legal tender. Rang my informer back. He told me to get writing, get working, get it done and start getting it to the right people. It was a brief call back. A mighty phone call in general though. I felt I should pass on the advice!!!

As a side note, I now know the word count for all the blog so far. So I decided to check the average length of a novel. And… I have well over a book written. Amazing. I can write in quantity at least. This, along with the fact that I can now read minds. How do I know? Well, when I say I think we might have a Christmas best seller on our hands – a book based on the blog – I know already what you’re thinking. Simply re-read today’s title.

I am in a chilled enough mood, and tired, so one apt song, and another in a different vein…

This might bring you close to tears, you have been warned! Vaka by Sigur Ros

And… Because feat Radiohead by Chiddy Bang