My Piece of Crap Joke #19 (Also: Edit)


Float – KO KO

Ever get into a machine mode? As in you are Charlie Sheen’s Mum? (Ma Sheen. Get it? Hilarious.) Today was one of those days. Mighty. Dawn to dawn. (Nice girl.) Got some amount of buckets of work done. As in… Well, nothing concrete that I will bore you with now. But, let’s just say, it’s at least like wet cement at the moment. Let it sit. Let it settle. Let it go. Even now the gibber is still flowing. So. I made a video. Because I am an enigmanure. Obviously. Joke of the Day – Wahey!

Oh. And there was also this fine spread in an Irish paper today. Me naked legs spread wide over two pages. Mighty mighty. Although I was promised a seven page spread. But I’ll get over that. One thing that is odd to see is when your stuff is edited or quotes are just made up. Never really a fan of that. In case you ever wondered what goes on in the editing world, here’s an example of a slight edit… Continue Reading »

12000+ Downloads. Yee Huu. Thank Duu!


Super Morrissey Bros – Lazyitis

Since we last gibbered, there has been some mighty dancing. Books. Flying. Shelves. Off. Into. People. Eyes. Bodies. Minds. Souls. RanDumber came out. RanDumb got an Amazon push. Twelve thousand people downloaded the dancer in the first three days. A fairy’s tale. Infected with my feck. Spreading the good word. #1 on Amazon Humor in the US and the UK at the same time. Right up there with Tina Fey and Karl Pilkington. #39 in Amazon overall I do believe.

Whured my dear life out. Book on. Had mighty help from numerous folk. Twitter. Facebook. Forums. Bookclubs. Here, there and all in our underwear. Thanks to all who spread the word. Thanks to all who downloaded. Thanks to those who already left mighty reviews. And also, in no particular order, a special thank duu to these mighty Twitter folk for helping to spread the word:

@Janebustard @Silke_tweets @CatChaton @katybaines @moonii__ @Mellers1313 @TeamBarlliams @luv4rob @antomalachite @cp148 @luacen @bbggmum @Sheriblue @AmyGawthorpe @Nuria1966 @rocketjsquirrel @mykai @KatharineAshe @meandmybigmouth @damienmulley @victorbarry @lanlih @PeterORiordan1 @jennywho @dingadeal  @davidgaughran @eims_mc @tomholohan

Amazon knows best… Continue Reading »

Tweeting Out Man!


Driving Home From The Beach (The Feeling Of) – Teen Daze

Past few days have been spent galavanting aboot good old San Fran! Forgot how mighty it is up here. Not quite up there with L-Hey but still dancing on in her own way. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s actually a city with streets that have people and tall buildings which run parallel to other streets that are filled with more buildings and people who are all scurrying around by foot and there’s a centre to the city which is actually downtown and all this is walkable or tram-able and it’s a city! As opposed to a sprawled barren desert. Which does have streets. But the good ones are all about a 5 minute drive from each other. And go on for miles. And all the good stuff is spread out over those miles along these streets. So you can only really drive. Which means you then just spend a lot of your time sitting in traffic. Which is fun. I suppose. But a city buzz does make a nice change.

Although the fact that all the folk I know in San Fran are so sound and I haven’t seen them in so long might be more of the reason why it is so mighty here. Ridiculously sound. Go on the Irish! Go on the people understanding my accent! Go on the endless levels of boozing on! Go on the use of ‘sch’ instead of just ‘s’‘Schome nice pint of Schtella. Divil a bit.’ Whatever divil a bit actually means (Anyone?). Go on the endless cups of tea! Chats about tea! Go on the Irish-ness! Reason I’m up in San Fran was to go to my cousin’s wedding. Mighty night, to be true. Day after. Maybe the day after that too. Might has been flowing! An added reason for the trip is so I can get some writing done. Well actually, some reading first, and then some writing. Read. And. Write. Dance. On. Plan. On. Reading part has been going well. Ish. Wuu! Writing part has been… Well… Tut… Honestly… I have a problem. Another, says you. Divil a bit, says an Irish man. Problem must stop. Ruining me. Need help. Starting to Tweet the funk out man!! Continue Reading »

Toe-Knee! Tow-Me! Eh… Tony!


Apparently, the average Josephine Soap is more likely to come running to your aid if you shout out ‘Fire, fire!’ as opposed to ‘Help, yelp!’. Apparently. As long as you don’t make it sound like you’re daring your mugger with a gun to shoot. In which case you might be screwed. Another similar sounding word which makes me run, around like a headless chicken, is ‘Fine’. It is an annoying word to be true. Implying one thing. In reality another thing completely. Depending if an ‘a’ is used before it or not. That’s fine. Yeah, that is fine. The weather is fine. It is a fine day! One fine day! No, you idiot. I said that’s a fine. Oh Jesus. Head off. Chicken on. Continue Reading »

Chimping Away


I do believe that more people in Ireland should be on Twitter. And here is why… the number one question I have been asked in a hurry, since I got home, has been – “Are you on Meteor?” (For any none Irish readers, Meteor customers get free phone calls and texts to each other). I have since come up with a handy tactic. If I want to talk to that person, then the answer is yes. If I don’t, then I am not Meteor I’m afraid, why do yo… usually the person has hung up at this stage, so that no more of their credit is wasted. Am I actually on Meteor? Who knows, it depends, ha. The truth is, weirdly enough, my Yank phone, like in Mexico, is free to use in Ireland, so I am really still using that. 

Back to my great point. If more people were on Twitter, they could just text Twitter their group text, e.g Who’s out tonight? One text to Twitter, and they will have reached all their other friends, who are also on Twitter. Including those not on Meteor. I have noticed that some people are no longer friends with each other anymore, or may not have spoken with them in a long, long time, purely based on what network they now are. The big R, huh, a roll-on effect!

Although, it is fair to say that some people are on Twitter. Seeing as a girl I spoke to the other night, told me that she too was watching Neil Young on t.v, playing at Glastonbury (I did a Twitter of how good he was, savage, rocking on!). Anyways, I did get the impression that she was lying to me, perhaps saying it just for the sake of it. Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe she did see Neil Young, but seeing as she told me she loved Neil Diamond “He was so good at Glastonbury, I saw your Tweet” Neil Diamond? Are you sure? “Yeah, I love (cue singing voice) – Forever in blue jeans babe – he looked so good at Glastonbury, wish I was there” Neil Diamond? Definitely? “Eh, yeah, Neil Diamond, forever in blue jeans, my favourite…” I think she might have made the story up. But, maybe I’m wrong.

Come to think of it, maybe I’m wrong about a lot of things. I personally think change is good. But maybe I’m wrong. Recently, a guy came up to me who definitely was not a fan of change. I gathered this from “I remember you in school, you’ve changed. What are you up to? When are you going to cop on?” School. Not back in college/university, but back in school (which is another weird thing, in Ireland and Emerica everyone says college, all Europe say university, horrendously pointless point by me really). Not even sure if he was referring to secondary school either, or further back to primary school. We’ll say secondary though. Which would be about 8 years.  Changed in 8 years. What a weird thing to do. When I gave the compliment back, that he had not changed a bit, I could see that this pleased him immensely. Win, win really. Being honest, I only recognized him because of the school jumper he was still wearing. Oh Jesus.

See, maybe I am wrong. Maybe resigning myself to the fact that I have already had the best summer of my life, or the best night of my life, or the best haircut of my life, or have already been with the hottest girl that unreal night when my haircut was unreal, is the way to go. I wish I could go back to those days. They were unreal. Seriously. Greatest ever. Sounds like the better option really.

 Today has been progressive enough, chimping away all day! Ha, the chimp part came from a girl earlier, we’ll call her Theodore, mistaking the word chip, for chimp. In fairness though, chimpmunks and chipmunks are close enough. Maybe it wasn’t a fully productive day actually. Although, in the past few days, a good few innocuous incidents like those above, have got me thinking, and I now have a new light to shine upon the sitcom. A different approach, which is getting good feedback already. From family and friends. Which doesn’t really count. Only the opinionated shrill of a gay man counts these days it seems. They did set that bar high!

Speaking of which, the blog numbers have ballooned in the past few days. Go on the blog! Not too sure why. As in there has been no flogging of its amazing appeal. Obviously, the past few blogaruus have just been superb. Hoviously. Which leads me to believe, that maybe a third light could be shone on the sitcom angle. Perhaps one about a dope sitting around all day Twittering and Spacebooking, while pestering people with emails and phone calls, could be a big, big hit too. I think I may be onto something. Then again, I’ve changed. Maybe not. Who knows? 

Song of this chimpy day…

Vampire Weekend

The Kids Don't Stand A Chance (Miike Snow Remix) - Vampire Weekend