Handle With Care – Traveling Wilburys
So the other day I walked into the doctor’s and said:
Hello, doctor Ian, I have this slight cough for a while now, can you-
Say no more, he said, just drop the pants, jump up on the bed, lie on your side and we’ll take a look.
Down they went. Up I jumped. Over I lay. And only then did I think:
So that was odd. Cold. Knuckley. And uncomfortable.
But at least the cough’s now gone.
Finger Licking Bad
Speaking of fingers, there I was yesterday, dressed as a leper chaun, getting ready to go about my daily business. Slightly late for a party I was going to, scuttling out the door, brisking my way to the elevator, jamming the button to make it hurry, finally came, in I jumped. Looked at my outfit in the mirror. Nay too shabby. Except. Balls. Spotted a stain. Right by my… Balls. Spotted a stain. Right by my… Tut.
Quick lick of the right index finger. Start scrubbing the powdery stain off. Lick lick lick. Scrub scrub scrub. One finger. Doing the business. Getting into it. Getting it out. Lost in the scrubbing. Didn’t realise the elevator had reached the ground floor. Doors slide open. I look up. Two men looking at me. While my finger is rubbing up and down my crotch. And I’m in a full-on, head-to-toe leperchaun outfit. Quite awkward.
Well, mostly because one of them was about 60. And dressed as a cockroach. Big bug outfit. With a big something else being emphasised. Cock. Roach. Get it? Delightful.
So yeah, it was only awkward because of the sleazy creepy smile that he gave me.
Go on the WeHo Halloween fair. The freaks were out to play!
Living It Up!
Speaking of creepy smiles, it has been quite a mighty Halloween weekend. As I’ve said and described here and there before on this wonderful blogaruu, Halloween is ridiculously bizarre/mental/crazy/mighty in LA. Now I’m not one to just go repeating myself here on the blogaruu, so I’m not going to just retell the tales of the weekend as they are very similar to the previous two years and also because I’m not one to just go repeating myself here on the blogaruu.
However, one thing I did note over the weekend: Life in LA is funking savage! Seriously. It’s now November and the sun is still shining. Today was roasting. Seeing the sun everyday is beyond savage!
Every day in my current short term memory has also been quite dancing. Friday I spent editing and discussing my new book, arcs, titles and all that with my mighty editor. Saturday was spent DJigging a mental Halloween party in a bar on Sunset. Sunday was spent poolside at the Sky bar, swimming, chilling, bantering et al, followed by a mighty wining and dining in Cecconis.
Yesterday was spent up at my buddy’s heavenly abode, chilling in his pool and jacuzzi, being plumped up and fed to the brim by his unreal personal chef. (Seriously, quite possibly the world’s greatest chef.)
And then last night was capped off with a pretty ridiculous over the top Willy Wonka style Halloween party up in the Sky bar again. All in all, nay too shabby.
You Can Take The Creep Off The Sheep...
Bar waking up today feeling like my life is moments away from falling apart. Ah but that’s just par for the course. What goes up, must come down. A bit, anyway.
Highlights of this Halloween:
Wearing a leperchaun outfit makes you just want to dance and jig at all times. It is quite mighty.
FYI, women of the world: Goddess outfits are quite hot.
Even if the event is kind of crap in a way, you can still have a mighty laugh.
And in case anyone wants to see my mighty Halloween outfits this year, here’s me as a creepy little leprechaun. Creep on!
And here is I as an Irish gypsy. Also known as me in a red top hat:
All aboot the dodgy hats! And what a great blog this has been! Thank you. Must now bounce. Book two is calling. Time to weave and re-edit some more. Work starts now. Finishing line in the sight. Betsy. Run on! Book two all the freddie funking way. Oh, and also: I’ve changed the name once again. Amazing. Wuu!
Here Comes The Sun – The Beatles
P.S If you get a chance, you should watch the George Harrison documentary ‘Living In The Material World’. Some man.