Amerricka! Funk Yeah!

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I Want To Break Free – Mariachillout


Seeing as the rest of America is celebrating its birthday and its right to dance, I feel now is the perfect time to do a quick expose. Show the people of Ireland (et al) the truth! What it’s really like to live in LA. Won’t lie, pre-tty gruesome. Remember Schindler’s List? Kind of like that. Exactly. Ish. Maybe. Not at all…

So at times I’m required to work under absolutely dreadful conditions. Outside. Sweltering. Loud. Noisy. Crowded. Eye sores. Everywhere. Just. Tut. Terrible.

Apologies. Should’ve given ye a warning. My bad. As you can see, that was tough. To make matters even worse, some days we’re required to do this after work…

Again. Awful. I know. Doesn’t stop there though. Sometimes. Far too often for my liking. Between working a day and a night shift. We’re forced to socialise and mingle with all sorts of dodgy people. Corrupt characters if ever I’ve seen one…


Pretty cruel. All of this hardship is having an awful effect on my buddy Willie Moggs and I. See that weird finger on the table? Willie’s silent screams for help.


Finish with a randumb story. Saturday. Poolside at the Sky Bar. Guy comes up to the DJ booth. Big fan of the music. Happy days. Asks if he can buy a mix. Eh, yeah, I suppose so. Hands me a wad of cash. Keep up the good work. Cheers boss! (People who like to request song after song after song in a gruff, ape-like manner, take note! This is the way to go. Far more appealing than ‘Play me ‘Do The Dougie’ right now!’) Anyway, exchange emails. Realises I’m Irish. Tells me he was just in Dublin for three months. Oh yeah, how come? ‘I was sent in to help the government out. I’m the guy who came up with the plan to save Ireland from going bankrupt. Must go back soon to implement it.’ Ireland’s saviour! Sound dude. Check my email later on… ‘Great meeting you today. Looking forward to the mix. Don’t worry. I will read your book (and save your country!).’ Ha. Fair to say the country’s in good hands, if his hands have held a copy of Randumb! And now. Back to writing book two for the night. Go on the Eh-Merrick-A. Funk yeah!!

American Woman – Lenny Kravitz


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