Mechanic? No. Idiot? Hopefully.

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There shall be no more long, looong posts giving writing advice, or any advice really being dished out, it has more or less been decided. The reason being, using this simple metaphor, is that if you wanted to find out about cars, you would probably go to a mechanic. Or someone who knew what they were on about. You would not go to an idiot who would know bob all about them… “Yeah, the key goes here, and then the petrol goes there, and thats about it I’d say” then giving you two thumbs up. As a side note, there shall also be no car related advice either.

Today has been spent trying to thrash out the last few scenes of the sitcom episode. The worst thing I could’ve done was get so much done in one day, a few days back. I set the bar too high, or else made myself relax too much. I have the end all in my head, good to go, but for some reason I do not seem to want to put it on paper. Perhaps, it is because I got an old bout of doubt today. This episode is average, grand, is it really even funny… that kind of thing. I think I need someone who either has never met me before, or read the blog, to read the episode, so that I can get a fully impartial opinion. Or someone who is not a fan of mine, in the slightest. Surely, in fact I am positive, that there is a bucket load of people who fit that description.

I’ll snap out of the doubt by tomorrow, back on the horse again, almost there and all. I half decided today as well only to blog on, from now on, when I am in L.A, as that is 99.9% of the reason people read the blog. I think, or presume anyways. Stats alone have shown that if I throw a celebrity name into any story, the reading figures will go through the roof.

For example, the most eventful thing to happen to me, today, was being chatted up by a girl, in a very mundane situation. This might be stating the obvious, but I am a big fan of when a girl goes out of her way, to chat me up. Who isn’t? I think the reason why, for me, is that it is so rare. To be chatted up, unexpected, without initiating. I am a fan. Usually I would be the one with a dumb old approach, not that hers was dumb. It was just so ordinary, going out to my cousin’s jeep to get my phone, and being asked for my number.

See, that in itself is a fairly pointless and stupid story. The kind of one which I have previously stated I would not tell, as nobody wants to hear those kind of stories. People are probably reading it, saying to themselves “What an ape, who cares? So what, do you think you’re cool now that a girl chatted you up. Well done. Stay in L.A, don’t ever leave.”  However, it was told for a purpose, to highlight two facts. One, I need to get out of the house more while I am in San Francisco. And two, if that girl was attached to a celebrity name, the story would be transformed into something else. She would not even have to be a good looking celebrity. Or a successful one. Or even for it to be a girl! If I was to say the girl was Rosie O’ Donnell, or Ellen DeGeneres telling me we had similar haircuts, and it happened in L.A, in Hollywood, the whole story would be seen in a new light.

People would now be reading it, probably, saying to themselves, depending where they were reading it “Jaysus/Oh my Gawd, he has some life in L.A, off being chatted up by Rosie or Ellen in L.A, some life”. It is a bit odd. Instead, it is just some random girl, whose name I can’t remember. 

There was another, underhanded, sly reason for that story too. Hopefully, and I am positive of this too, there has to be someone who read as far as here, and is now saying to themselves “What a f**king idiot, why did I just waste my time reading this crap when I could’ve been on Facebook”. If you are that person, if you are, then get in touch. I need your opinion on the episode I have almost finished.

Two songs today. The first is a pretty cool video, all done in one take, by a dude who is talented as funk by the looks of it. B*****d. Impressive hula hooping too.

In Step by Frankmusik

Second is by another highly talented dude, good title too. Plus, my gym buddy has a cameo! I love L.A! And celebrity stories! Wuu!

I Poke Her Face by Kid Cudi (Feat Kanye West, Common, Lady Ga-Ga and A-Trak)

Back To Basics

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Enough with the laziness by me, and the articles about me. This blog is not really about me. It is more about the stories, I am merely just the idiot involved in them. I was going to do a highly interesting blogaruu, all about writing, the tips I have acquired, the difference between when I first wrote a sitcom pilot, and how I have advanced in my ways this time around. But funk that, too boring, at least until tomorrow’s blogaruu that is. For now, I will re-tell a meddle of tales which have somehow occurred even while I have been holed up in an apartment, furiously trying to put a sitcom episode together, venturing out minimally.

Thankfully, this weekend, while I was stressed out with the writing, and struggling to build the pieces together, a friend kindly decided to visit me. A really nice friend, shows up now and again, particularly when I used to have exams before and stressed a bit. Or maybe if I was after a few heavy nights out in a row, this friend might come stay with me a few days, just to nurse me better and ensure I thought twice about going out and hurting my body even more. Now and again, he would just show up, unannounced, for no particular reason or occasion, and stay indefinitely! Sound buddy, we all have them I’m sure.

Although, come to think of it, this friend has yet to really visit me down in L.A. Maybe he knows that his kind is not welcome down there. Or that his kind is never seen in Hollywood, once in a blue moon maybe. Usually, if this kind of friend was to call over for a few days, in Hollywood, you would probably expect to lose a few friends over it. Anyways, this time around, my friend decided to set up shop on my right cheek, ha. Thankfully, he did not bring any family members, or other friends, along with him. He came alone.

Which, perhaps, is why it might have brought so much attention. Or subtle attention. My friend, on my right cheek, has half made me realize what it must be like for a big lunged girl. When a friend like mine comes for a visit, like big lungs, people’s eyes subtly drift away from your eye-line, and take a little peek now and again. Although, probably all in my head, but I only really care what goes on in my head most of the time anyways, so thats what counts. Over the weekend, I noticed a slight change in the encounters in the gym. The weirdos were no longer asking me strange questions, or giving me strange looks, instead, they were directing them towards my friend. In a bar the other night, while deep in conversation with a girl, I noticed she was slyly giving my friend the eye. Obviously, being fair and all, I slowly gave her lungs the eye back.

While in the shop yesterday, one lovely lady behind the counter asked me about my friend, what was he background, where did he come from? I have learnt that at times it is fun to say “Oh, my friend on my cheek, I never even noticed that, thanks for pointing it out, thats a …” and reversing the awkward little moment back onto the other person. However, the easier and less complicated option is to, simply, make some story up, usually the more extravagant the better. Not sure why, but it gets a better response than the truth. Any of the following have gotten sympathetic responses, as opposed to “Oh,ugh, ok, ugh”… Cut myself shaving… Walked into the door… A cat scrawled me in the face, lucky enough really!

Moving on, that is quite enough about my friend, who should be gone by tomorrow, I am kicking him out. Another thing which I have noticed in San Fran, is that the weirdos here are far more along the lines of normal weirdos. And by saying normal weirdos, I mean that in a bad way. As in the weirdos in L.A have all, so far at least, been fun weirdos, who I end up having a bit of banter with. They just seem like the kind of folk who went to L.A in hope of pursuing their sitcom and film ambitions, ended up over-staying there visa, and ran out of money. Those kind of weirdos. The kind of weirdo which I am counting down to soon becoming, I cannot wait!

However, the more normal weirdos in San Fran, are weird in the sense that they freak you out more. They seem like they will take the banter the wrong way and you will end up on the news because of it. Or on the side of a milk carton. If they do that sort of thing anymore, not really sure. I noticed this a few times in the past few days. First time around, was while waiting to cross the street (which, if my records are anything to go by, is a great place to pick up writing material). While standing at a busy street, waiting to cross, I got the sense of the girl next to me just staring at me. Not looking across the street and slightly to her left towards my direction. But directly at me. I gave a half look to my right, to make her flinch and look away. Did not work a tap. So I then turned to almost face her. Which also did not work, in fact it made it worse. Seeing as she gave me a freaky smile. She seemed to be in either her late teens, or early 30’s around that, I’m not too good with guessing. Besides all that, her smile was similar to this…

Sweet Smile

Bear in mind this was before my friend came to visit, so she could not have been staring at that. And there was no desire involved by either party. It was just pure freaky weirdness. I noticed the exact same smile today, twice, in quick succession. I was at a local car wash with my cousin, which is a phenenomen that can only be seen to be believed. The Mexicans have the car washing business down to a fine and efficient art, at least 8 cars hand washed to perfection in 10 minutes. While using the bathroom at the car wash, I was left with the unfortunate scenario of the lock not working. And the door being slightly too far from the toilet to block it with my foot. And the actual toilet facing the same way as the door, so if someone walked in, they would walk in and just see you and what it was you might do in the bathroom.

Which, obviously, meant someone could and did walk in on me. As they would. Some weird looking dude. Who, had a little look down for himself at little old me, and gave me a creepy smile, similar to the girl at the zebra crossing. Only when I asked him – Do you mind? “No, not at all” creepy smile… Funk off – did he eventually leave. Weird thing was, this happened less than 30 seconds later, but a different dude. I did not care how many bottles of water I had been storing, it could wait, time to get out of there. Worse part was, when I went back outside, I noticed the two of them sitting together on the same bench, they were friends, with freaky smiling faces. Did the first guy send weirdo two in? Not sure. All I know is that they were highly weird. The normal kind of weird which one would come to expect. Like this, without the purple…

Lovely Chap

End of the rambling, some lefting updates tomorrow are in order. Head down and write on, it is slowly coming together nicely! Maybe that is why I am a bit giddy now and rambling on about complete and utter… Ok, I must go sleep, have to get up early and hopefully see my friend off.

Song of the day is… Confusion Girl (Don Diablo Remix) by Frankmusik