Have You Ever…?

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Seeing as some folk complained that they didn’t know when the debut was last week (spoof), I will start off with a plug. If anyone is in Dublin tomorrow night (tonight? Thursday, the 2nd) round 2 of stand-up in Ireland is going ahead in Temple Bar, the more hecklers the merrier! I can’t believe I’ve just advertised on the blog, I have well and truly sold out. How much did I get paid for that? Back to the blogaruu…

Have you ever been introduced to someone, who you already kind of know, but was never properly introduced to them? Sober anyways. And you know that they don’t like you. As in numerous people might have told you, how much that person went on about your immense downfalls or shortcomings, over and over again at a party one night, that kind of thing. And you probably don’t have time for that person either, seeing as they bothered to bitch about you, without ever even speaking to them. However, the person who is introducing, is completely oblivious to all this. Then the third party slowly starts to get a vibe, as it finally dawns on them, that X does not seem to like you, and you don’t seem to be too open to X in return. The great, awkward “Oh, do ye know each other already? Have ye met before” moment kicks in. And the fun is had. No? Me neither.

Have you ever had to catch a train to Dublin at 8.30, but decided to first jump in the shower at about 8.04. With the train station about a 15 minute drive at least, depending on traffic. And leaving any bit of packing to be done, until after the shower? Then wonder why you bothered? Nope? Me neither.

Have you ever then, to make matters worse, actually spent the whole entire train trip making out a demo mix, which you have actually been asked for a while back, and asked again today, by a promoter of a brand new club in L.A. Could be a big break. And you are on fire! One of the greatest D.J’ing performances, known to mankind, is occurring on a train from Cork to Dublin. You will proudly show off your mixing and remixing talent, with this 2 hour mix that you have just performed, and recorded, on the mostly empty section of the train. Until, of course, you realize, whoops, must not have recorded that actually. You are certain that you did, better check again… no, didn’t work for some reason. The job. Anyone? Me neither.

Have you ever made out a highly important to-do list. Vital stuff on the list, in order of priority, buckle down and have to get through it before the weekend, must make this week count. Then, you realize that you have actually put at number 2 on that list, prioritizing it as the 2nd most important thing you need to do, is to buy a pen. Even though you are writing the list with a pen, and have a handful in your bag, you really need this special type of pen, or else you can’t move on to number 3 on the list. Nay? Me nayther.

Final one, have you ever woke up to rain absolutely bucketing down outside your window? Skies are grey, horrendous looking day, it is a bad start. From that alone, if you were to predict what the rest of it may be like, you would think “bleak”. Then, within 5 minutes, or however long it might take you to read a text and check your emails, it immediately turns into the best day all week. By far. So far, anyways. All those annoying things that you were impatiently waiting on all day Monday, started to trickle back your way, all with good news. Good as in progress was still being made, baby steps and all. Yeah? Me too! Today! Pretty weird.

I lied, one last one… Have you thought to yourself “I am fairly tired. Very in fact. I know, I’ll do a blogaruu based around the game – Have you ever? – and it’ll actually be a good one. Yeah, that sounds like a plan” Then, after you type it all up, you realize, eh, maybe that was a horrendous idea? Maybe that did no go as well as you planned. Perhaps you should’ve slept on the train, instead of not recording a great mix? Em, not fully sure, but I think I may have definitely done that one too. Does not bode well for stand-up tomorrow night!

New songs a plenty, here is just one…

Fleet Foxes

Blue Spotted Tail - Fleet Foxes

Bob Hope, Bob Dole, and Bob Hoff!

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I have yet to see the movie “The Hangover”. However, I have been told it is brilliant, hilarious, and some other complimentary adjective which eludes my tired brain at this point. So, after waking up this morning, it is safe to say that the movie is in no way related to, or set in, Ireland. Today was my first proper hangover since being home, and I woke up with the hope completely gone. Depressing, painful, and regretful, it would make a horrendous movie. Not even the regret of… oh no, not her, again. Even worse, the more common regret in Cork… ugh, why did I bother going out. Someone had burst my bubble, I was after being infected. However, I found a cure within minutes. Gay gym remix on! I was back again, oddly and annoyingly optimistic!

Speaking of which, I must say mucho gracias to Jim Magilton for hooking me up with le gymnasium. And, on an unrelated subject, how wonderful the gym in the hotel near my house is, you should really check it out if you can. Ha. Anyways, I figured out last night, that if someone uses the term “Ah, I’m only joking” after a statement made to you, they are, without a shadow of a doubt, not joking. It would appear to me as well, that some people have double standards when it comes to mocking, and being mocked back in return. As in ‘Jesus, your hair is atrocious” being retaliated with… Thanks, the smell of curry from your fake tan blends in nicely with your b.o…  to me, at least, is tit for tat. Others do not seem to think so. Bald people mocking my hair, on the other hand, is funny.

Another thing which I realized last night, and I am sure everyone knows this already, is that gimps who pretend to be buddy buddy with you when they are sober, then have as many snakey pops off you while they are drunk, are the biggest gimps of all. Ah, I’m only joking. Seriously though, funking apes. Final thing which I noticed, en route home, was that my cab man looked like he kept on dozing off at the wheel. Actually, he was dozing off at the wheel, there was no looked like it about it. It was bizarre. I think he was on heroine. Seriously. Ha. And, once again, I am only joking. Although, in his defense, I did most of the talking on the way home, so I might have bored him to sleep.

Since the last blogaruu, progress has been made on a few fronts. In case you might be wondering, like I am myself now, what these fronts are… 1. Getting back to L.A to shoot some scenes 2. Building up as many contacts as I can back here in Ireland 3. Acting/writing/stand-up/D.J opportunities. 

Getting back to L.A – a phone meeting was held with a visa lawyer in Yankland. Apparently there are 3 possible visa routes available to me, pending certain factors. Bizarrely, these are now related to writing and D.J’ing, looks like my Masters is no longer of any use, entertainer on! Since a few people were genuinely concerned for me last night about this department, I must ring back again tomorrow to learn more, so updates will be forthcoming. And, seeing as others were genuinely wanting me back out of Cork as soon as possible, those updates will also be for you.

Making contacts and networking – Firstly, people in Ireland do not give themselves enough credit. I am still split on why this is… modesty, or lack of confidence. Some people, if you ask them for advice, will modestly tell you that they don’t know anything, shur I’m only X, Y or Z. Yeah, actually, you’re far further up the ladder than I am, any help will do. Over in Hollywood, people are dispensing advice all over the place. Obviously a lot of it is waffle, but better to have too much advice thrown at you, then none at all.

Thinking about it, maybe them being modest is why they got a bit of success. Nothing worse than being a cocky fool, who thinks they know it all, and have nothing to back it up with. We all know plenty of fools like that. Just like… Moving on, some people have been hooking me up as well, giving me nuggets of info, so I have a few things lined up for this week up in Dubla. Boring, rambling update really, ha.

And as many fingers in as many pies update… my DJ’ing debut in the Emerald Isle is lined up next Saturday in Cork! Re de de, how will my laptop and I get on. Will people be baying for some gay gym remixes. Or will they want to bottle me for not playing proper rock. Or will people even show up. You must be so nervous for me. Oh. My. God. Like Rent, Spud, Sick Boy and my cab man last night, my cash flow is in need of the injection, so happy days. And, still waiting for it to be confirmed, but hopefully I’ll be making my stand-up debut up in Dublin this Tuesday. Which should be hilarious. In a bald people mocking my hair kind of way. Oh Jesus.

As my notebook have been full for the past few days, I have had nothing to write my gibberish down on and remind me of at a later date, so thats about it for now. I need a better phone too, where I can just write stuff at length into it, instead of having to save texts of gibberish to myself. If there is any Jim out there wanting to hook me up, think of the magnificent, hidden, shrouded plug you might get in return. Well worth it!

And, speaking of which, last bit… ALESSANDRO, there is your shout out for recommending a name for the book or sitcom. Just after remembering too, but seeing as one guy cried on the spot, a la acting class, and another quoted a few lines from the blog, CRYING DUDE and STRIPEY SHIRT, there are your mentions! Happy days all round. I am a big fan of yours too. Ah, I’m only joking.

Two songs of the weekend, from the same band which I only just found…

Miike Snow - Animal

Animal - Miike Snow

Faker - Miike Snow