Jiggling Jugs!

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No Diggity – Chet Faker 

Tough week. Realised a few things. Such as: My ability to make women puke is still going strong. Take yesterday. Setting up to DJig. Girl comes over to me. Big. Drunk. Mexican. (Big as in overweight. Drunk as in demented. Mexican as in Meximerican.) Stands in front of me. Starts pointing. Swaying. Pointing. Slurring. ‘You’rrrre verrree goood luuk inn.’ Why thank you. Suddenly her head dips. And then she pukes all over her own feet. Delightful. Looks back up at me. Smiles. And before I could ask if she was OK, she puked again. Beautiful. Thankfully her friends carried her off (with one oddly rubbing her breasts the entire time. Giving me dirty looks when I looked at her do so. Is that a girl thing?)

More good news: My ability to make girls Continue Reading »

The Not So Typical Day Of An Irish Guy In LA…

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Starlight – The Supermen Lovers

Last Friday I had an early morning interview with the Sunday Independent (Irish newspaper). Feature of some sort. Not too sure what it was for. Either way. Mighty stuff. Good to go. Wake up. Answer the phone. How’s it going. First question. Only question. Eh. Balls. I don’t know the answer. Time to ramble on. Hour later. Get off the phone. Figure out I did know the answer. And it was such an easy question: Describe your typical day? Well. Now. Ha. Eh. I don’t know…

Friday:

Morning – Woke up. Did an early morning newspaper interview.

Day time – Planned a stand-up tour. Wrote some of book two. And. Duu.

Night time – DJigged the night away. New venue. Better every week. Dance. On!

Oh What A Feeling...

Saturday:

Morning – Ate lots of porridge. Drank bowls of tea.

Day time – DJigged a Nicole Richie fashion event. Unveiling of her new Continue Reading »

More On! Moron…

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If You Got The Money – Jamie T

Did you know… Book two is in full flow? Well. Maybe not full flow as in I’m gushing. But full flow as in I’m beyond leaking. No looking back. Not sure why I got so hung up on the flow metaphor. Not even that time of the month. Oh Jesus.

Did you know… DJigging is fully in full flow? Flow on! All sorts of gigs. Thursday in a castle. Friday in what can probably be described best as an empty room. Saturday in what can only be described as a bar full of people going absolutely miiiiintal! And Sunday in a pub full of lesbians. All sorts of flow. Go money go!

Did you know… Surrounded by 100 lesbians sounds better than it actually is?

And What Else... ?

Did you know… People actually come up while DJing and sincerely say ‘Music is my religion. This is my church. Can you play me the new Britney song…’? Would that make Britney your God? Your priest? And are you of the Moron fate?

Did you know… Urinals can be interesting places? For example. Continue Reading »

Watch Me Wow!

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Short film of Randumb book whuring at the LA Book Festival. Mighty dancing. Imagine: This went on for hours! Amazing. Filum on!

P.S Apparently you can call anything a short film these days.

Shamwow To Look Now!

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We Are The People (Jimmy2sox Remix) – Empire Of The Sun

Two years ago I went to my first fair in LA. As a Shamwow salesman. Obviously.

Sold my first Shamwow to a Neo-Nazi. Mighty.

Also did a bit of moonlighting as a carny. We all have a dark past.

Exactly two years later, I went to my second fair. As an author. Peddling my book.

Oh. Betsy!

All aboot the baby steps! LA Book Festival all the way! On over the weekend in USC. Huge affair. Thousands of people at it. Time to shine! Spread the good word of Randumb! Time to sell some books to… Convicts? What? OK… Continue Reading »

If The Mountain Won’t Come To The Prophidiot…

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Woke Up New – Mountain Goats

You know when you’re lost in a valley of mountains. You’re standing at the foot of one of the mountains. And you’re all like… What the funk?! I just climbed a mountain. Seriously. Just did it. Look! And everyone looks as you point to the smaller mountain behind you… Now you’re telling me I have to climb this one as well? This is even bigger too! From the very bottom? All the way to the top again? For funk’s sake. I thought that first mountain might’ve been enough? Surely that’s plenty? Just retire after that? No? It’s not?! For funk… Who’s in charge of this bull-sugar?! Tut. Someone promised me it would be easier than this. Tut. So you decide you’re just going to stand there. Looking at the mountain. Mouth open. Head cocked to the side. Tuting away. King Tut. Waiting for something to appear. Anything at all. Until nothing does. So you just start climbing up again… Continue Reading »