If The Mountain Won’t Come To The Prophidiot…


Woke Up New – Mountain Goats

You know when you’re lost in a valley of mountains. You’re standing at the foot of one of the mountains. And you’re all like… What the funk?! I just climbed a mountain. Seriously. Just did it. Look! And everyone looks as you point to the smaller mountain behind you… Now you’re telling me I have to climb this one as well? This is even bigger too! From the very bottom? All the way to the top again? For funk’s sake. I thought that first mountain might’ve been enough? Surely that’s plenty? Just retire after that? No? It’s not?! For funk… Who’s in charge of this bull-sugar?! Tut. Someone promised me it would be easier than this. Tut. So you decide you’re just going to stand there. Looking at the mountain. Mouth open. Head cocked to the side. Tuting away. King Tut. Waiting for something to appear. Anything at all. Until nothing does. So you just start climbing up again… Continue Reading »

Actuary. Actually? Not Exactly…

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As I am sure you are all already aware, my favourite subject in school used to be Maths. Or, Math, for any Emericano readers. Common knowledge, first topic on my Wikipedia page. You could almost say Einstein was my hero. But he wasn’t. Still though, for whatever reason, I used to get a good buzz out of solving a tough maths equation. That deserves a ha. However, it is true. Who needed drugs, when a maths buzz was enough to keep me happy. To this day, if I ever I am in a situation where I need to kill some time, I will just start multiplying figures in my head to keep me entertained. Works too if you need to zone people out. There was even a stage, a lengthy one in fact, that I was gearing up to study as an actuary in college. Imagine the women flocking when you subtly mentioned you worked in life assurance. Plus the lure of the salaries which actuaries were supposed to make in their first year, tickled my fancy even more. Back when I thought money was cool. What an exciting life that would’ve been… Money! Women! Life assurance! Would’ve been tremendous fun. Continue Reading »