Random Guilt

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Something I never understand is the issue of feeling guilty, when you haven’t done anything wrong. Completely stupid stuff, such as… if your buddies ask you to head out boozing. You initially give a maybe, 50/50 answer. In all honesty you are leaning more towards no. Then, in a moment of weakness, you commit a “Era shur why not, I’m up for it”. Quickly followed by you realizing, nay, bob hope, seeing as its a 12 o’clock sober situation on a Tuesday night. In Cork. Which is key. Not L.A. However, your one “Yes” is then guilt tripped on. To the stage that you think you were the one after setting up the whole thing, and you then decided to back out at the last minute. It is great fun. So, if you are an ape like me, you feel guilty for some reason, like you let someone down. Pure dumbness. 

On the other hand, it is a good sign. It really is time to focus for me. Seeing as I have the time to do it at this moment, progress really does need to be made with regards to the writing. Especially as today didn’t reach the heights I was hoping for. I didn’t use my burst of energy from last night to the fullest at all. I’ll call it one final day of preparation. Podcasts were playing over and over again all day. A bit of a quantity versus quality issue has arisen though. An hour’s podcast might give me 3 sentences of information that are actually beneficial to me. I think it could be the end of them, too time consuming, even when I only have them playing in the background. I ended up re-listening to a few thinking I had missed out on stuff here and there. I didn’t.

Another thing I realized today, was that the advice I am obtaining from different writing websites throughout the internet, might not be the best thing for me after all. There is a load of info online for writing tips for sitcoms and all that. A load. Too much. It got to the stage today where I was reading contradicting articles, so who do I go with?! What do I do now?!! As if these things are gospel, or a maths equation. Again, pure dumbness for me initially thinking I really needed them before I could get going on the re-writes.

Enough with the structure lessons and all that. What I need, and the key thing for the script, is quality dialogue and a tight story. I can edit it down and re-work it again when I am finished. Parts which have been highlighted already for me need to be changed. I know what I have to do already! What I also realized while reading all the articles today, is that the majority of people who wrote them, never really went on to do much. Not sure about you, but I’d prefer advice from people who started at the bottom, and then did X, Y & Z to get to the top. There were no gurus of sitcom giving out pages of advice.

In fact, two of the best things I saw today, were two quotes from the same writer, Graham Linehan, which were used in a few articles. One was along the lines… “If you think you have a great episode written, read it again in a month, and then decide”. The other “Rewrites sometimes means you have to actually start again from scratch and write a new episode”. Like the podcasts, maybe wading through a few hours reading, for those two quotes alone, might have made it worthwhile? Who knows.

What I need is to get back some random, bizarre events into my life. Or at least get my blog stories from L.A back circulating around my head once again. Who would have guessed that I’d miss the gay gym so much?! A few events occurred today, that would have been perfect if I was trying to write a sitcom about a Joe Soap in a small city where not much really went on. However, seeing as I’m basing the sitcom in L.A, I need to get my mind frame back to there. It helps having the random, odd events occurring on a daily basis to keep the ideas coming. Plus, if nothing else, they provide more interesting and bizarre blogaruus. I feel bad about the lack of them recently. Not sure really why, I’ll just put it down to random guilt I like to feel every now and again. From this day on as well, I will not allow any day to be less than productive to the brim! I am turning into a broken record.

Song on, like the podcasts and articles I read, there was maybe only a sentence or two in that blogaruu of actual significance…


Urgent (Remix) - Foreigner

Bob Dole!!!


Wuu huu! I am on the dole!!! Happy, happy days! Not literally. Unfortunately. Especially as any money is good money. Figuratively, however, I am on the Bob Dole. Which is great news. Finally, finally, my simple mind has gotten it’s head around the whole patience issue. About funking time.

Earlier today, I was talking to a buddy of mine, who was telling me about his quest for the dole. I asked him was he lined up to get a big bumper lump sum, seeing as he hadn’t worked in a good while, not since leaving college. Nay, was his answer. Well, more a plain “No”. Why so, I enquired? Because… “the dole office didn’t care about me and all that time I spent bumming around, or trying other things. I only came onto their radar, when I first went into them, for my first meeting. If my application goes through, then I’ll get a lump payment from that first meeting only, not a huge lump sum stretching back any further. Until then though, I’ll try to find something else while I am waiting to hear about it.”

If it is not jumping out off the screen at you, I will explain why those words made the internal struggle in my head gently float away. To an extent. Swap the dole office with television stations I have been courting/having meetings with. Application, with t.v show proposals. And a lump sum payment, with a green light to get the project made. See, all makes tremendous sense now. If I was to burst into the dole office, work some charm, and have the initial meeting go well, they would not simply say “Good work, you convinced me, here’s a bag of money, off with ya. Good boy.” Why would the t.v station be any different? Obviously that is not how things work. My brain likes to keep this kind of sense out at times, for as long as it possibly can.

My buddy told me that the dole process alone takes about 12 weeks. To get the dole! And I am trying to get a t.v show made?! Why was I frying my brain, thinking I should be told a.s.a.p. The t.v stations have no obligation to give a flying funk, or should they even, about my lack of patience or immediate desire to get the green light. Or to find out otherwise. They don’t really care that I have been struggling away at this for a while. Why would they be bothered with the ups and downs I’ve gone through in the past however long, since the adventure started. As far as they are concerned, with regards to these proposals, I am now only just after applying, and just now on their radar!

Hopefully I’m not giving off the impression either that I thought initially – Do they not know who I am? Do they not realize the struggles I went through? They should be knocking on my door. Nay, what I am trying to say, is that I couldn’t find the patience or self awareness to realize that I just have to wait. Simple as that. My buddy isn’t tearing his hair out, or frying his head, wondering about all these outsides factors that may or may not go his way. Nothing he can do, but he wasn’t really complaining about it. Obviously he would prefer to hear that he’s getting the lump sum sooner rather than later, but, tough. Just have to wait and see.

Same goes for me. “Patience is a virtue” and all that. Virtue on! Plenty to keep me occupied while I await the verdicts. Re-writes, proposals, spec scripts, and other stuff has filled up the to-do list.

Thankfully, I realized something last night while watching the show about Graham Linehan. (Again, not comparing myself to his genius. Just that I saw similarities. Which put my mind at ease. That I was not going nuts). That is, it is not just as easy as sitting down and the episode, for example, just flows out. I need to get my head back into that creative frame of mind. However, like a pregnant woman, I am pushing hard, and can see its head popping out. A delightful visual to end on. And, in case you were wondering which friend I was on about, it is… not me. 

Song of the day, two actually…

Little Joy

Don't Watch Me Dancing - Little Joy


Untitled - Interpol