Today was a fun day of meetings up in Dubla. And by fun, I mean productive. On a quick side-ish note, not mainly today, but I’ve realized something which happens now and again to me during meetings. That is, I am not always fully, 100% aware of what point exactly a person might be making to me. Perhaps, the person making it actually doesn’t know themselves, but who knows. Anyways, the person might be telling me something, maybe gets bored half way through and then rambles off. I am looking at them enthusiastically, waiting for the big bang point, so I can respond. The point that doesn’t really come. A bit like a few of my new jokes for stand-up, the ones needing proper punch lines. In the end, I am just left looking enthusiastically/intensely at the person, who is in turn looking back at me, waiting to hear what I have to make about their point. The one I didn’t really get. So we end up just sitting there, for a brief awkward moment, looking at each other, not knowing who it is that is meant to be actually speaking next. Which is always fun!
Tag Archives: Cork
Mental Weekend
4 CommentsNot too sure exactly how, particularly after Friday night, but the weekend somehow got more nuts and hectic by the night. It was mental! Which was highly surprising seeing as I presumed that Friday night would easily be the pinnacle. How can you beat a night of hoovering the house?! It was tough to see how that would be topped. Saturday and Sunday somehow pulled a few gems out of the bag though. On a side note, anyone not in Ireland probably won’t have a clue what hoovering is. Not actually a drug related term as someone in America mistakenly thought before, her eyes lighting up when I said I must buy a hoover. It is another term for vacuuming. However, unlike the drugs she thought I was on about, hoovering is cool no matter what term you apply to it!
Saturday was a highly productive day. I got some savage new songs and mixes under my belt. Pretty exciting. After the excitement of that, and the night before, I decided my best bet for a quiet, uneventful, innocuous night, free of all the annoying, good music I had to listen to that day, would be to go out in Cork. Hardy har. Main incident of note from the night out, was trying to figure out which girl it was that left such a lasting impression on me. I have it narrowed it down to two. Two apes, of equal measure. Too many reasons to go into for them to be painted with the ape brush. The big impression one of them left on me was a hand print from her fake tan on my top. Funking lovely. Worryingly large sized hand as well. Similar size to a bear’s claw, to give you some sort of an idea.
Which leads me on to Sunday. And, all sarcastic tones aside, it was actually a good night. Got a call late on to D.J, happy days. Particularly seeing as I had a basket of new music to try out. Without doubt it has been my most enjoyable gig in Ireland. There was no selling of the soul, play what I wanted, wuu to the huu. Sounds obvious as funk, but once you get girls dancing, the rest will follow. Easy enough really. Its not like a group of guys will lead the way and start gyrating together on the dance floor. That is never going to happen. Unless you happen to have DJ’ed in a gay gym. Apologies to the guys who requested good songs last night that I ended up dodging. I’m sure they are reading. Again, might sound obvious, but sometimes savage songs, are not really savage for a club, if you get what I mean!
Speaking of requests, that fun area is one which is there for life I think. I think it’s the minority have me scarred. The majority were grand last night, as long as you just say yes to every request, people are happy. Playing them barely matters. It was just those 3 or 4 special people that would make you wonder at times. Two girls at the end telling me they loved the music, now could I play either Galway Girl, or any Tiesto, as the last song. I like neither. More importantly, I don’t have either of them. So, I split the difference, and played them Rick Astley. Which lead to a 3rd buddy coming up to tell me I was a prick, and had ruined their friend’s birthday. By not playing Galway Girl. Or a Tiesto song. The success of the friend’s birthday must have been on a fine line if that was the difference between a good and bad night.
There was one in girl in particular, who was very bizarre. A gem really. I think she was the first into the club with her buddies. Initially, I thought she was Polish. I couldn’t understand what she was saying to me, plus a few guys that she was there with were Polish. She didn’t have the same accent though. So, obviously, I thought that she must have been twisted drunk. Apparently, there’s a song out at the moment called One? Or Number One? I thought she was asking for that one, that song, you know that one? No, what song? One, that one? That lost me completely. When I copped on it was me being dumb, I decided to give in to one of her other many, many requests.
When I asked her what other song she wanted, she kept on asking me for the same song over and over. Coming up, asking me was I playing it next. About 5 times. When I played it, she had a little dance for herself, then came back up and asked for it again. Apparently her buddy was in the bathroom, and didn’t get to hear it. When I tried to fob her off by saying I couldn’t understand her fully (which I couldn’t), she started to write me notes, asking for that song to be played one more time, please, I will love you for it, please! The club was still quiet, so I played a snippet again for her and her buddy to dance along to. But she didn’t dance with her buddy. She just stood at the DJ booth and stared at me while the song looped over. I gave her a few thumbs up, but they didn’t scare her off. Standing there, staring at me, Boris style. Around this time, it slowly dawned on me that she must be mentally challenged.
When I turned back to my laptop, she slipped into the DJ booth, right behind me. Standing there, with a blank expression. Asking me if she could just flick through my songs on the laptop, to see what I could play for her next. This is when a barrage of bad breath almost made me puke. I don’t know why more people don’t carry mints, chewing gum, or tic-tacs with them. Or why their friends don’t tell them how bad their breath might be. If it was me, I’d prefer to know. Anyways, I tried to explain to her that I needed my laptop, she couldn’t flick through it, sorry. Could she just stay here in the booth, she asked? No, sorry. She got disgruntled, pushed me to try and get to my laptop, and then asked why I would not just play that song one more time! I kicked her out of the booth, she stood there with the same weird blank expression, but finally went off in a huff. A bouncer came over but I told him it was cool, not too sure but I think she’s mentally challenged, it was fine.
Night was over, equipment packed up, lights were on, good to go. I was making my way out of the club, when she came up to me one final time. “Will you play me one more song, Halo by Beyonce.” This was as people were leaving, with the bouncers herding people out the door. She asked again, for a different Beyonce song, giving me grief on top. Trying to be nice, I gave her my pack of tic-tacs instead of playing her the song. When she threw them away, and asked if I was going to play the song, I told her I would so. Just have to go outside to my car, and get my Beyonce CD from it. Best part was, she believed me. Told me she’d wait there for me. I just looked at her, in complete wonder, slowly realizing something. Now that the music was off, I could finally hear her properly. Turns out, she was not, in fact, mentally challenged. She was, simply, it seemed, a pikey. A traveller. Who spoke in whispers. And liked to stare. Probably mentally disturbed, not challenged. Kind of gutted now that I didn’t hold onto her number that she had written earlier on one of those notes. Would’ve made it a great weekend!
That is a long blogaruu. Two quick songs…
Longest Road – Morgan Page
Learnalilgivinanlovin (Passion Pit Remix) – Gotye
Dr… Fr… Ar?
12 CommentsOn a random note, people should really read more books. If not now, then maybe in a few months time perhaps. Blogs make you interesting, while books make you smart. I read that recently in a blog, by the way. Books are cool. Especially, entertaining books about gibberish. Also, on another separate random note, if doctors use Dr. and priests use Fr. in front of their names, in my opinion, authors should really start to use Ar. in front of their names. Just a thought.
Anyways, I had planned on doing a vlog to reveal the news which I got today. However, my laptop’s memory is almost full, so that plan must be put on ice. The tiredness levels are also high after my trip. I had to get up pretty early, and head to Dublin for a meeting. An hour max, more like 45 minutes, in Dublin. Then straight back home to good old Cork. However, the round-trip was well worth it! This is where I break the bad news. Bad news, seeing as it is actually good news, which in the past has proven to not be half as entertaining. Although, off the top of my head, has there ever actually been substantial, definitive good news?! More like little steps of progress. Which have all led me to today. Step 2 in my plan. Which is… I am dragging this out far too much… dun dun dun… I have a book deal!!! Wuu huu!
A few weeks back I met with, whom I can now call my, publishers, about writing a book. I am not too sure if I mentioned that in the blog at the time. Probably seeing as, in one way, meetings do mean something, I suppose, but at the same time they mean little until whatever it is, is definite. Take my meetings with RTE, for example. Anyways, that was a few weeks back. Today the details for the book deal were ironed out and the arrangement was finalized. 10 books, $1.5 million sign on fee, and a movie deal in the pipeline. Good deal, I think. It is amazing how knowledgeable and adept Mahalo and Google can make you appear! Now I can sit back and relax. I have made it. My work here is done. I joke. Especially seeing as I still have to actually finish the book.
I wont lie, hearing plans for your own book, is funking cool. Still a bit off, but talking about the cover, the title, the artwork, mock-ups, tying up the story arcs, the foreword, the marketing, the promotions, the book, your book, my book, is cool. Book fairs, the different regions and countries to launch the book in, prequels, sequels, trilogies, plus, obviously, the groupies that come with a book, and the invites to the Playboy mansion which should start flooding in my door any day now. If you ever want to see a publisher shift nervously in their seat, mention their favourite word… Advance! I presume as well that the royalties will be the equivalent of a number 1 Christmas song, “Fairy Tale of New York” kind of thing. Dan Brown just rang to congratulate me. I could tell he was freaked with the new competition though. I presume as well that this automatically makes J.K Rowling my new best friend? Obviously.
In case you are wondering, the 2 main things people have said to me when I told them the good news, are… 1 – “How much do you get paid?” Very surprising question, especially from Irish people. It is common knowledge that you write a book to get rich, quick. And, number 2 – “Put me in the book. Seriously, just mention my name once, somewhere.” Even a buddy, who I suspect might never had read the blog, has rang me 3 times already with that request. At least to put him in the appendix. A final weird comment I got, was being asked if it was going to be a hardback or softback book? When I told them I had no clue, didn’t even think of it at this stage, they just tutted, and said if it wasn’t a hardback, must not really be that good. So true. Tut.
All jokes aside, the best part of the book deal, is having physical evidence of progress. From now on when people ask “Who are you? What have you done?” I can at least say, I’m the idiot who wrote this international best seller. This will at least spur me on for another good while, baby steps are being made! Plus, it raises the profile. Bouncing ball kind of thing. Already talks were had about other avenues to explore, in preparation for the book release (clear your spring schedule). Overall, it was a good day. I now have two things to occupy my mind for the next few months. What will be the first sentence and the last sentence. Not sure why, ha, but thats what I thought about on the way home. Pressure is on!
Two songs, first one just came on my iTunes and haven’t heard it in a while…
The Middle – Jimmy Eat World
Second is one a buddy has flogged to me a few times, and it is pretty class in fairness…
Beautiful Life – Gui Boratto
Hop, Skip & A Dump
Leave a commentStop start kind of day really. Or is it start stop? Humidity might have been a factor. Mugginess is a killer. I like to think thats the reason why I can get irritable and headaches pop up when ever it is about. More than likely it is all in my head though. Which is true either way really. Managed to line up another few potential DJ gigs to keep me ticking over for the next few weeks. Plus I have started working on plans for where to live, work, pursue acting/writing and other such wonderful stuff, in anticipation for my return to L-Hey, whenever that might be. Oh, and I fell down a stairs. Kind of. The last few steps of a stairs at least. And took a nice hop off the floor when I did.
At the gym earlier, Boris wasn’t being too full on as he usually has been, which was good. I think it is because a few of his buddies seemed to be there as well. Seeing as I only had under an hour before the gym closed, I was racing through a few leg exercises, far too quickly really. Not recommended when doing squats. Between the humidity, and flying through the gym, I was a beaten docket as I left. At the same time I was leaving one section of the gym, I spotted Boris sticking his head out of the other part, and making his move as I departed. With this in mind, I bounded down the stairs. Stupid call really. It has happened a few times, where I have forgotten how dodge my legs are after squats, and nearly tumbled. As I briskly made my way down the two flights of stairs tonight, the last few steps were literally a step too far.
Dodgy left knee buckled first, should really get that checked out. Flimsy right leg followed. Thankfully I managed to break my fall by nicely hopping my shoulder off the ground, and ended up in a heap at the end of the stairs. Just lying there. At the front door. Panned out. Like a weak, defeated flower. Feeling fairly wrecked, and wondering if I had done any damage, I decided to just lie there for a minute, and suss out any potential injuries. A minute feels way longer when lying down on the ground in public. I might have lay there for longer, until I heard others coming down the stairs. Not wanting to surprise or shock Boris by having me passed out on the floor, waiting for him to scoop me up and carry me to my car, I brushed myself down, realizing only my pride and shoulder had been bruised, and off I went.
I’ll cleverly skip the part about the what is going on tomorrow. Let’s just say that hopefully my round trip to Dublin will all be worthwhile. Which would make a welcome change! If you remember my plan I wrote about before, that will give you a clue. In fact, it might merit another wonderful Vlog tomorrow to mark the occasion, which would be a bit ironic. A weak link to skip but it will have to do!!!
While I was lining up DJ gigs earlier today in town, I happened to bump into a girl I half know. And by that, I mean I dont know the half that has her name. Anyways, while I was talking to her, or listening to her complain to be exact, I noticed myself drifting away, and instead just looking in complete wonder at different parts of her body. Not in a sexual way, oh dear Lord no. In a completely bewildered way. Seeing as I think it was the first time I have seen her in the cold light of day, I only today noticed how her hands, feet, face, neck and ears were all different colours. I admit that I might be a bit obsessed with fake tan. As in my dislike and disdain for it. Still though, when someone’s skin changes from orange, to kind of green, to patchy white, back to speckled orange, I can’t really be the one who is odd for noticing it. I have forgotten how unforgiving the cold light of day can be!
However, by far the worst part had to have been the smell. Maybe I was just unfortunate to be standing down wind from her. It is chronic though. I was at least a foot away from her today. Actually, thats almost on top of each other now I measure a foot out with my hands. Say 3 feet. And I could still get the smell of a weekend old fake tan. At this stage, I prefer the smell from the dump, than that of fake tan. I would say I prefer the smell of someone’s dot dot dot, but thats just weird either way you look at it. Not something you’d really prefer to anything. Only the smell from the bathroom in the old bus station in Cork, and puke, are worse now for me. Just in case you were wondering. I am sure you were dying to know how much I do not like the orange curry powder.
Wrap it up, the heading probably outshone the rest of the blogaruu! Seeing as I am tired, time for a chilled song…
Casimir Pulaski Day – Sufjan Stevens
The Big L.C
4 CommentsToday, I had a bit of an epiphany. While out for lunch celebrating my sister’s Leaving Cert results, as I realized what was going on around me, I finally saw the funny side of how my life is panning out at the moment. Pretty funking funny. To me, at least. Laugh at, laugh with, laughable? There is no other way to look at it, just as long as some sort of laughing is involved. Especially when it seems like you are having lunch in what felt like an old folk’s home. For whatever reason, besides my parents, sister and myself, the rest of the clientele at the restaurant in the hotel were O.A.P’s. A few were just dozing off while eating their food. Conversations were trailing off into the wilderness. People were saying hello and goodbye to the same people every two minutes, perhaps forgetting that they had just met.
Immediately I got flashbacks of my Spring Break fiasco, where I stayed in a similar style old folk’s home/hotel in Mexico. Big difference being, it was Mexico, and only short term. At the moment, this is my life! And will be for another few weeks. I am dining with retired folk, discussing the lovely beef, admiring the fine portions they gave us. It has yet to make an appearance, but surely gardening will be on my to-do list soon enough. All jokes aside, if you were to ask me on the day I got my Leaving Cert results, would I be in this situation now, I would have probably laughed. And said hopefully, yes. Please God. Good to know that my life plan is on track!
In a similar vein, last Thursday a buddy was down in Cork for a night from Dublin. We mulled over the thought of going out on that night. Even though we wouldn’t be in town until 12 bells (it was a late idea), for a while we half fooled ourselves that something amazing might potentially happen. However, do you know what swayed me to stay in… ? My Mum asking me would I like a cup of tea! My buddy was just after sending me a text, saying he was 50/50 about going out, my call. What to do? Which do I choose? A cup of tea? Or a night out in Cork? Best case scenario for option B “Yeah, it was grand”. Or, a nice cup of tea, which you know will not disappoint? Easy option, tea on!
Anyways, the epiphany did me good today. I can’t help but laugh, and look forward to see what else springs out from my current daily way of life. My sense of humour is back fully I do believe. Which helped in my daily work today. The work of studying sitcoms, unlocking their formula, and using them to improve upon what I have done for my one so far. As far as I remember, that too would have been on the tip of my tongue the day I got my Leaving Cert results, if you had asked me what I’d be up to in a few years time.
Wrapping up, seeing as I am going up to do stand-up in Dublin again tomorrow, I needed to work on new material. Otherwise I was just going to go with a rant about the current state of Irish radio. Which would have been great. Thankfully, the seeds for new material are kind of above, in case you were wondering. Probably not. The train ride up tomorrow will be used to plump them out. Throw in pointless cursing too for some reason. And, obviously I’ll be adding in the really funny parts and hilarious punch lines then as well. I held them back. Obviously. Re de de, I am looking forward to bombing on stage, it has been far too long!
Song on, after the hectic and frantic pace of that blogaruu, a more chilled affair…
Upside Down – Banjo Or Freakout
And secondly, a magnificent opening beat…
Ottoman – Vampire Weekend
Slow Down!!!
Leave a commentLife!!! Slow down! Chill out woman! You are going at too fast a pace for me at the moment. I am neck and neck with the snails. Trundling along at quite a speed. Events, festivities, stories, and dumbness are all happening far too fast for me to write any of it down!!! Seeing as I am using this week to write, I left the stand-up off in Dublin, so sticking around Cork for the second week in a row. Which is fun. And, I got my DJ’ing events mixed up, thanks to a dumb error on my behalf, so I have the weekend off too. Perfect time to write, but not much else seems to be going on.
I mentioned a while back that I was going to try new things while stuck, I mean, back in Cork. Tougher than I thought. The blind date possibility, which I mentioned before, is well and truly done. Never got out of the starting blocks really once I tried to resurrect the situation. It is tough enough at times to transmit wit or sarcasm through a text. When the person getting the text has a limited grasp of English, those tones, plus getting her name wrong constantly on top, do not bode well. Could have made a good blogaruu. Always next time. I suppose could still try the blind date from the classified ads section. Although I can only imagine what standard of fruit would put their name in the hat from those ads. Especially after surveying the situation on nights out recently. Recessionary times seem to keep good looking women locked up at home. Obviously there should be an abundance of sarcasm just bursting out of that sentence. Sure.
Lets just call today a lull. It is kind of a necessity to be mostly trundling out of Cork, the city of excitement. Seeing as I am saving bobs for heading back to L-Hey, it would be completely stupid to think of moving up to Dublin full on, or trying out London, for a few weeks, while I am waiting on the visa. I admit to maybe at times doing dumb things, but I’m not (that) stupid. Perfect time to write. Is what I keep telling myself. Discipline. Suffer for the art!!!
Being honest, I can deal with the lull at the moment. The lull from the fun, exciting, dumb events which used to land on my lap. When I finished college I was in the same boat. The boat where time/life feels like it is wasting away a bit. Meandering, ox-bow lakes left and right. Life just trundles on, days turn into weeks, weeks are now over a month, and it goes on and on. I can deal with that buzz, and know how to pull out of it. At the moment, it is only a temporary event. It is you, the reader, who I feel a bit bad for. Started off rocking around L.A, bounding and galavanting through many a bizarre maze. Now, I am waddling around the street of Cork, taking in the familiar, yet horrendous, whiff of curry powder. Don’t worry though, the good times will be rolling back soon, I can feel them coming!
Maybe next week when I am in Dublin for my stand-up gig, I’ll kill two birds with the one gig, and bring a classified ad date along. Without telling her that I am actually going to be doing the gig. If my new material starts to bomb, that story alone should pull me through. I would obviously not do that though. Life is not that slow. Yet.
Song of the lull, is a new one with a bit of a kick, thank funk! I used to highly, highly dislike this band, and now, guess what…
Enough Talk, More Writing! 