Victim Hayes

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Lights And Music – Cut Copy

Not sure where newspapers get photos of me. An educated guess is that they pull them out of a bag of cats. Photos with both my eyes closed. One just after a soccer match, panting, sweating, looking with one wonky eye. The most recent one has me looking like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Remember, he was a blind, feeble old man? Well, just like that except I also look like I’m sitting in a wheelchair. Don’t get my wrong, delighted with newspapers picking up on my current ranking of being rated #1 on the Amazon Humour charts. Obviously. Just a pity they don’t ask for a photo. Anything at all. Potentially, I’m better looking than that. No, no: Seriously. In the right light. With the right make-up. And the right amount of airbrushing. I’m fairly sure I can scrub up better than that. I swear. Ah stop… Continue Reading »

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You Can Call Me Al – Paul Simon

So this is pretty mighty…

You know what this means, right?

I now win a million dollars! Wuu huu!

Right?

Huh?

Ahem.

Dance on! Book two all the way!!!

Keeping The Dream Alive – Munchener Freiheit

New Free Book Chapter!

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Who Are You? – The Who

You know what’s mighty: RanDumb’s now rated #2 on the Amazon Humour charts. Oh. Betsy!

You know what’s not so mighty: Toothaches. Almost sent me back to Ireland yesterday. Just so I could go home and hide in my bed until the pain was over. I know, my threshold is high. Praise the Lord for booze. Kill those wisdom germs.

You know what’s weird: When you go to the bathroom and a fly just lands on your, eh, um, ahem. And then stays there. While you’re mid-stream. Pre-tty odd. Must be some sort of omen. Lots of spillage. And this is a great story! Thank you.

To celebrate all of the above happening yesterday, I’m going to horse out a probable preview free chapter teaser from my highly anticipated new book…

‘Hubbulla!’*

*May not be the actual name.

I’m going to try a little experiment as well for a few days. To read the PDF of the sample chapter ‘Choking The Chicken’ all you have to do is simply click on the link below and Tweet or Facebook that you just downloaded it. Pre-tty easy! I think. Let’s see how it goes. First draft too. Go easy on her. Now… Chicken on!!!

Or if you can’t figure out how to Tweet, click here -> Duu?

Shuffle – Bombay Bicycle Club

Rise Of The Ape!

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Smalltown Boy – Bronski Beat

Interesting news. All aboot the rise of a certain ape. Betsy. Randumb has been climbing the Amazon top rated Humour charts like there’s no tomorrow! Chart topping. Show stopping! Notified that it was in the top 40. 30-something. Hmm. Interesting. Few places above Tina Fey’s book. Sure she’s gutted. Checked the next day. Into the top 20. Mighty. Climbing. Giddied up over Jimmy Fallon’s book! Again. I’m sure he’s freaked. Let’s look again on Friday… Lucky #13!

Like all apes, I was now checking every chance I got. Saturday night… Continue Reading »

Free. Megan Fox. Music.

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The Night Out – Martin Solveig

Apparently. If you have Megan Fox in a headline, people will automatically click on it. Did it work? Nice insider trick for any copy writer out there! Speaking of inside information: You’d be surprised at how many people book me for DJ sets without ever hearing a mix I’ve done. No clue if I’m good or not. Amazing. Take Friday. Deep down the writing well. Late afternoon. Email: Hello fine sir. Got your contact details from another DJ. Want to play at this venue tonight? Emmm. New venue. In fact, probably Hollywood’s new hot spot. SBE group’s latest venture. (If you’ve ever watched The Hills, all those clubs are SBE.) Anyway. Decide. In. Or. Nay? Money wasn’t what one might expect. But. Foot in the door and all that. Cool. Dance on. I’m in. And just like that, you’re DJing at another Hollywood hot spot. Mighty. Ish… Continue Reading »

The Ultimate Randumb Experience!

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I Can’t Go For That (Member’s Only Remix) – Halls & Oates

Earlier today I saw an offer from an author on Twitter. Buy my book in bulk. Get an experience in return. Buy 75 books: Get a personalised thank you video. Buy 350 books: Have a one hour chat with me on Skype. That kind of thing. Book whuring full on. Honestly I found it pre-tty bizarre. I’m happy when someone buys one copy of Randumb. Who would buy in bulk like that? Was this not just a way to buy your way into the Amazon or New York Times Bestseller charts?! Why did it reek of used car salesman techniques?! Focus. What am I having for lunch!?

Anyways. Apparently. It works. People like to do this kind of thing. Amazing. I know. The author in question (Gary Vaynerchuk) told me he got 100’s of people doing it for his first book. No way… Yes way. Interesting. Got me thinking. Perhaps it’s time for an ultimate Randumb experience. You buy my mighty book. In return. Personally touched. By. Me. Wuu! Duu? So. Here are the mighty experiences I and my team of I have come up with. Please form an orderly queue. Touch on! Continue Reading »