Category Archives: Writing

Dr… Fr… Ar?

12 Comments

On a random note, people should really read more books. If not now, then maybe in a few months time perhaps. Blogs make you interesting, while books make you smart. I read that recently in a blog, by the way. Books are cool. Especially, entertaining books about gibberish. Also, on another separate random note, if doctors use Dr. and priests use Fr. in front of their names, in my opinion, authors should really start to use Ar. in front of their names. Just a thought.

Anyways, I had planned on doing a vlog to reveal the news which I got today. However, my laptop’s memory is almost full, so that plan must be put on ice. The tiredness levels are also high after my trip. I had to get up pretty early, and head to Dublin for a meeting. An hour max, more like 45 minutes, in Dublin. Then straight back home to good old Cork. However, the round-trip was well worth it! This is where I break the bad news. Bad news, seeing as it is actually good news, which in the past has proven to not be half as entertaining. Although, off the top of my head, has there ever actually been substantial, definitive good news?! More like little steps of progress. Which have all led me to today. Step 2 in my plan. Which is… I am dragging this out far too much… dun dun dun… I have a book deal!!! Wuu huu!

A few weeks back I met with, whom I can now call my, publishers, about writing a book. I am not too sure if I mentioned that in the blog at the time. Probably seeing as, in one way, meetings do mean something, I suppose, but at the same time they mean little until whatever it is, is definite. Take my meetings with RTE, for example. Anyways, that was a few weeks back. Today the details for the book deal were ironed out and the arrangement was finalized. 10 books, $1.5 million sign on fee, and a movie deal in the pipeline. Good deal, I think. It is amazing how knowledgeable and adept Mahalo and Google can make you appear! Now I can sit back and relax. I have made it. My work here is done. I joke. Especially seeing as I still have to actually finish the book.

I wont lie, hearing plans for your own book, is funking cool. Still a bit off, but talking about the cover, the title, the artwork, mock-ups, tying up the story arcs, the foreword, the marketing, the promotions, the book, your book, my book, is cool. Book fairs, the different regions and countries to launch the book in, prequels, sequels, trilogies, plus, obviously, the groupies that come with a book, and the invites to the Playboy mansion which should start flooding in my door any day now. If you ever want to see a publisher shift nervously in their seat, mention their favourite word… Advance! I presume as well that the royalties will be the equivalent of a number 1 Christmas song, “Fairy Tale of New York” kind of thing. Dan Brown just rang to congratulate me. I could tell he was freaked with the new competition though. I presume as well that this automatically makes J.K Rowling my new best friend? Obviously.

In case you are wondering, the 2 main things people have said to me when I told them the good news, are… 1 – “How much do you get paid?” Very surprising question, especially from Irish people. It is common knowledge that you write a book to get rich, quick. And, number 2 – “Put me in the book. Seriously, just mention my name once, somewhere.” Even a buddy, who I suspect might never had read the blog, has rang me 3 times already with that request. At least to put him in the appendix. A final weird comment I got, was being asked if it was going to be a hardback or softback book? When I told them I had no clue, didn’t even think of it at this stage, they just tutted, and said if it wasn’t a hardback, must not really be that good. So true. Tut.

All jokes aside, the best part of the book deal, is having physical evidence of progress. From now on when people ask “Who are you? What have you done?” I can at least say, I’m the idiot who wrote this international best seller. This will at least spur me on for another good while, baby steps are being made! Plus, it raises the profile. Bouncing ball kind of thing. Already talks were had about other avenues to explore, in preparation for the book release (clear your spring schedule). Overall, it was a good day. I now have two things to occupy my mind for the next few months. What will be the first sentence and the last sentence. Not sure why, ha, but thats what I thought about on the way home. Pressure is on!

Two songs, first one just came on my iTunes and haven’t heard it in a while…

Jimmy Eat World

The Middle – Jimmy Eat World

Second is one a buddy has flogged to me a few times, and it is pretty class in fairness…

Gui Boratto

Beautiful Life – Gui Boratto

Hop, Skip & A Dump

Leave a comment

Stop start kind of day really. Or is it start stop? Humidity might have been a factor. Mugginess is a killer. I like to think thats the reason why I can get irritable and headaches pop up when ever it is about. More than likely it is all in my head though. Which is true either way really. Managed to line up another few potential DJ gigs to keep me ticking over for the next few weeks. Plus I have started working on plans for where to live, work, pursue acting/writing and other such wonderful stuff, in anticipation for my return to L-Hey, whenever that might be. Oh, and I fell down a stairs. Kind of. The last few steps of a stairs at least. And took a nice hop off the floor when I did.

At the gym earlier, Boris wasn’t being too full on as he usually has been, which was good. I think it is because a few of his buddies seemed to be there as well. Seeing as I only had under an hour before the gym closed, I was racing through a few leg exercises, far too quickly really. Not recommended when doing squats. Between the humidity, and flying through the gym, I was a beaten docket as I left. At the same time I was leaving one section of the gym, I spotted Boris sticking his head out of the other part, and making his move as I departed. With this in mind, I bounded down the stairs. Stupid call really. It has happened a few times, where I have forgotten how dodge my legs are after squats, and nearly tumbled. As I briskly made my way down the two flights of stairs tonight, the last few steps were literally a step too far.

Dodgy left knee buckled first, should really get that checked out. Flimsy right leg followed. Thankfully I managed to break my fall by nicely hopping my shoulder off the ground, and ended up in a heap at the end of the stairs. Just lying there. At the front door. Panned out. Like a weak, defeated flower. Feeling fairly wrecked, and wondering if I had done any damage, I decided to just lie there for a minute, and suss out any potential injuries. A minute feels way longer when lying down on the ground in public. I might have lay there for longer, until I heard others coming down the stairs. Not wanting to surprise or shock Boris by having me passed out on the floor, waiting for him to scoop me up and carry me to my car, I brushed myself down, realizing only my pride and shoulder had been bruised, and off I went.

I’ll cleverly skip the part about the what is going on tomorrow. Let’s just say that hopefully my round trip to Dublin will all be worthwhile. Which would make a welcome change! If you remember my plan I wrote about before, that will give you a clue. In fact, it might merit another wonderful Vlog tomorrow to mark the occasion, which would be a bit ironic. A weak link to skip but it will have to do!!!

While I was lining up DJ gigs earlier today in town, I happened to bump into a girl I half know. And by that, I mean I dont know the half that has her name. Anyways, while I was talking to her, or listening to her complain to be exact, I noticed myself drifting away, and instead just looking in complete wonder at different parts of her body. Not in a sexual way, oh dear Lord no. In a completely bewildered way. Seeing as I think it was the first time I have seen her in the cold light of day, I only today noticed how her hands, feet, face, neck and ears were all different colours. I admit that I might be a bit obsessed with fake tan. As in my dislike and disdain for it. Still though, when someone’s skin changes from orange, to kind of green, to patchy white, back to speckled orange, I can’t really be the one who is odd for noticing it. I have forgotten how unforgiving the cold light of day can be!

However, by far the worst part had to have been the smell. Maybe I was just unfortunate to be standing down wind from her. It is chronic though. I was at least a foot away from her today. Actually, thats almost on top of each other now I measure a foot out with my hands. Say 3 feet. And I could still get the smell of a weekend old fake tan. At this stage, I prefer the smell from the dump, than that of fake tan. I would say I prefer the smell of someone’s dot dot dot, but thats just weird either way you look at it. Not something you’d really prefer to anything. Only the smell from the bathroom in the old bus station in Cork, and puke, are worse now for me. Just in case you were wondering. I am sure you were dying to know how much I do not like the orange curry powder.

Wrap it up, the heading probably outshone the rest of the blogaruu! Seeing as I am tired, time for a chilled song…

Sufjan Stevens

Casimir Pulaski Day – Sufjan Stevens

Hang On, The Hangover?

Leave a comment

Isn’t that an ingenious title?! No? Thank you, only took me 2 songs to think of it. Anyways, I know I am about a year late, but I finally saw The Hangover tonight. And, to be honest, even though I was hoping it was going to live up to the hype, I thought it fell a bit short. Too many people saying it was too funny and over hyping it a bit up too much. Although it is probably the funniest movie of the summer and all that.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was good, especially compared to other recent-ish comedies, but it wasn’t really hilarious. In fact, thinking back about it, there were only a few funny-funny parts. Not a lot of really hilarious scenes though. More just Vegas incidents, tiger in the bathroom, perhaps, as an example. It is nowhere near as good as a Superbad, or the likes, in my opinion at least. I went to see Superbad two days in a row in the cinema with buddies who thought it was equally as good. Chumps? Maybe. Was it worth going again? Definitely.

Tonight as we left the cinema, myself and my buddy were banding around a few quotes from the movie. Or trying to, at least. I think we got as far as one, the pronunciation of retard, ha, which was funny. Think of other movies though, Superbad or Old School for example. A plethora of funny quotes pop into my head straight away (pick any of Frank the Tank’s or any scene from Superbad). Maybe that’s just me, but I couldn’t think of a lot from The Hangover. Which is probably why I think it was over-rated. The fat guy is obviously brilliant and the main guy makes a good lead, but the other parts don’t really shine as much as I thought they would. I think the guy who lost a tooth is brilliant in The Office, but here not as much, only a few laughs? I almost laugh at every line he says in The Office.

Now that I think about other parts, the Chinese guy was kind of funny, but not top dollar, more of a ha, than a proper laugh. Compared to how it turned out in the movie, the Tyson punch looked way funnier in the trailer. What made me leave thinking the movie was initially better than it might’ve have been, were the photos in the end credits. Especially after the boring wedding ending (bar the singer in the band part). The photos just made me think that it would have been some laugh to have made that movie… in Vegas, surrounded with all Vegas has to offer, how could it not have been good?! No wonder they all looked so pleased. 

Anyways, there is a point to me being so critical of a good (but not great) movie. It has spurred me on with the dumb belief that I could do better. I know you might be thinking that I sound like an ape or an arrogant fool, but if I don’t have the faith that I can write a better movie than that, then who will have the dumb faith?!! Bold statement, all I need to do now is shut up and deliver. It will come, we all have a “Good Will Hunting” in us. Believe!

Besides that, kind of related today, was the news that I know now when my visa appointment is to find out do I get my fancy new visa approved. Touch wood. About 3 weeks away for the appointment, so I kind of have a deadline-ish to produce one polished and hilarious script at the very minimum. Deadline all the way. Finally this limbo land living has an end on the horizon!

Has to be done, a few of the best parts of Superbad…

Rainbow Bridge

Big Wave Rider – Rainbow Bridge

Slow Down!!!

Leave a comment

Life!!! Slow down! Chill out woman! You are going at too fast a pace for me at the moment. I am neck and neck with the snails. Trundling along at quite a speed. Events, festivities, stories, and dumbness are all happening far too fast for me to write any of it down!!! Seeing as I am using this week to write, I left the stand-up off in Dublin, so sticking around Cork for the second week in a row. Which is fun. And, I got my DJ’ing events mixed up, thanks to a dumb error on my behalf, so I have the weekend off too. Perfect time to write, but not much else seems to be going on.

I mentioned a while back that I was going to try new things while stuck, I mean, back in Cork. Tougher than I thought. The blind date possibility, which I mentioned before, is well and truly done. Never got out of the starting blocks really once I tried to resurrect the situation. It is tough enough at times to transmit wit or sarcasm through a text. When the person getting the text has a limited grasp of English, those tones, plus getting her name wrong constantly on top, do not bode well. Could have made a good blogaruu. Always next time. I suppose could still try the blind date from the classified ads section. Although I can only imagine what standard of fruit would put their name in the hat from those ads. Especially after surveying the situation on nights out recently. Recessionary times seem to keep good looking women locked up at home. Obviously there should be an abundance of sarcasm just bursting out of that sentence. Sure. 

Lets just call today a lull. It is kind of a necessity to be mostly trundling out of Cork, the city of excitement. Seeing as I am saving bobs for heading back to L-Hey, it would be completely stupid to think of moving up to Dublin full on, or trying out London, for a few weeks, while I am waiting on the visa. I admit to maybe at times doing dumb things, but I’m not (that) stupid. Perfect time to write. Is what I keep telling myself. Discipline. Suffer for the art!!!

Being honest, I can deal with the lull at the moment. The lull from the fun, exciting, dumb events which used to land on my lap. When I finished college I was in the same boat. The boat where time/life feels like it is wasting away a bit. Meandering, ox-bow lakes left and right. Life just trundles on, days turn into weeks, weeks are now over a month, and it goes on and on. I can deal with that buzz, and know how to pull out of it. At the moment, it is only a temporary event. It is you, the reader, who I feel a bit bad for. Started off rocking around L.A, bounding and galavanting through many a bizarre maze. Now, I am waddling around the street of Cork, taking in the familiar, yet horrendous, whiff of curry powder. Don’t worry though, the good times will be rolling back soon, I can feel them coming!

Maybe next week when I am in Dublin for my stand-up gig, I’ll kill two birds with the one gig, and bring a classified ad date along. Without telling her that I am actually going to be doing the gig. If my new material starts to bomb, that story alone should pull me through. I would obviously not do that though. Life is not that slow. Yet.

Song of the lull, is a new one with a bit of a kick, thank funk! I used to highly, highly dislike this band, and now, guess what… 

Muse

Today

Leave a comment

Today, I watched a lot of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Maybe 4 episodes of each. Which is a fair amount when you are not just watching them. More studying the episodes really. Anyways, after all that, I was a bit spaced out of it throughout the day. So much so, I decided to throw my iPod into a bin. Unintentionally. Obviously. Once again, I struggle to multi-task. Or hold a few items in my hands, and know which one to let go off. It was money a couple of weeks back. Now my iPod. Just dumb.

Walking into the gym, I was holding car keys and towel in one hand, empty can of Red Bull and iPod in the other. I wonder which one it was that I wanted to dump. Worst part is, that I actually really  focused on making sure I threw the can into the bin. Well, it seems that I focused on not throwing the keys and towel into the bin. Or the can. I think I stared at my right hand too much (something about the towel had me mesmerized) and forgot there was an iPod in my other hand. Luckily, the bin was full, so the iPod landed on top after I lobbed it in. However, as I was still staring at my right hand, I did not notice what happened at first. When I did, the iPod was already after cleverly finding a route, so that it could sink to the bottom. So that was nice. Shoulder deep in a bin, fishing through wet rubbish for a lifeline of mine. Always fun. At least my iPod survived, wuu!

Today, I got a bit of good news towards my visa application. Which is looking promising. Wuu funking huu for that. Still not in the bag, yet, but it is hopefully en route. Keep the wuu’s on ice I suppose. This did make me realize something though. Fairly obvious really. Well, maybe if you don’t tend to dump iPods, it is obvious. Which is, that the return to L-Hey is on the not too distant horizon perhaps. Still another bit to go, but round 2 is coming up. Time to get prepared. Which I’m not. Coasting along a bit in that sense. I had a meeting earlier, and I was asked what my plan is when I head back. And, being honest, I didn’t really have a definitive plan as an answer. Not even close. Kind of an outline, but not a real plan. And, you know what apes say, every man needs a plan. Or my new ape saying “A goal without a plan is just a wish!”

Today, I also read an article about needing grit to succeed. “Pick a specific goal in the distant future and don’t swerve from it”. I am a big fan of the word grit. Waaay better than that horrific word patience, which I think I may forever struggle to deal with. Patience always makes me think of just sitting around a waiting room, and having to wait to hear back about news. Grit, on the other hand, makes me think of digging in, fighting on, head down and plough on. That kind of gibberish. Patience makes the front of my head throb with annoyance when I think about the word. Grit makes me clench my teeth like a complete ape. Ape over annoyance any day! Grit on.

Not too sure why I thought “Today, I…” would be a good theme, or even a theme for the blogaruu. I will cut it loose and wrap it up. Now that I remembered the word grit existed, I seem to have a new kick of determination. Dumb enough if thats what gives me a kick on, but whatever works! Somehow today, a plan has also been thrown together for me until I get a definite answer for the visa. Write on and build up my artillery of material for the return to L-Hey. The original sitcom perfected, plus 2 spec scripts ready and willing to pimp out. You never know, maybe a short movie on top. Unrealistic? Perhaps. Do I care? Not too sure how that question is relevant. I lost my train of thought. Spaced buzz is coming back. Time to go to stare at that towel. Tomorrow on!

Song or two. I’m a bit obsessed with a remix of the Billy Idol one. And the new Arctic Monkeys song.

Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol

 

Arctic Monkeys

Crying Lightning – Arctic Monkeys

Clueless

Leave a comment

Off the top of my head, odd things which I have a slight clue about, is how to speak conversational Cantonese, particularly if you’re a taxi man from Hong Kong, and I have a clue how to dismantle, clean, and operate a Naval machine gun. Pretty strange I suppose, only 2 I can think of at the moment. On the other hand, one bizarre thing which I am completely clueless about, is how exactly the acting side of the business works in Ireland. Specifically, how one might go about trying out a few auditions, just to get some practice. Not a notion. Are there any? Where might they be? Not a clue. In L.A, obviously enough, providing you have a visa and all, auditions, how to submit yourself, open calls etc. can be easily found in abundance. However, in Ireland, as far as I can tell, there seems to be nothing. As in, nothing. I am confident that I am actually wrong. However, after a fruitless few attempts today trying to figure it out, I have come to the conclusion that there is nada.

Who do you ask? Unfortunately, for a change, it seems not Google. He will not deliver as well as he usually does. And when you don’t know too many people in the acting business (t.v or film sides anyways), Google might be your first and last call. Maybe if you’re looking for a course in acting, Google can hook you up. If you want the websites for the Irish Film Board, the Irish Film Centre, or anything like that, Google will deliver. “Acting auditions in Ireland” or some similar term typed might hook you up with an audition in Iowa, and other parts of America, for some reason, but not much in Ireland. Not the most helpful. The best I got was a list of casting agencies in Ireland, that either never existed, or that most seem to no longer be in business.

I know as well, that if you were young, just out of school maybe and wanted to start acting from scratch in Ireland, there’s the whole doing an acting course, getting in some theatre work, moving up the ladder that way, doing it as something on the side and wading it out for a big break. Which, it seems, if you stay in Ireland and hope to get, the most you might muster in the movie world is to be an extra on the set of War of the Buttons, or The Wind That Shakes The Barley. Better still, you might end up being an extra for something even bigger, like Braveheart or along those lines. Which would be good to say to people, I suppose. If I was 16.

Do a course, join a theatre group, start that way. Or, be an extra, along with thousands of others, hoping that you will be plucked out of the crowd for your ability to stand around better than others. And pray you then make an impression. Preferably a good one. As you might gather from these scenarios, I don’t really have a clue. Either way, neither of the two above are really great options. Neither are really options if I’m being honest. Not for me at least while I am back in Ireland.

I remember the one full time actress I spoke to since I have been back, told me that if you want to do any acting in Ireland, t.v or film work anyways, you need to go to London. Apparently you have a far better chance of getting an audition for a show even like Fair City, if you were based in London, than if you were based in Dublin. Which is very heartening to know. Especially when you’re mostly based in Cork while you wait to hopefully sort out a visa back to L.A. Her beliefs proved to be spot on after my attempts today. In this day and age, if the information is not online, then it is probably looking dodge. At least now I am a bit more clued in. Slightly. Acting will have to be kept on ice for a while. 

With that in mind, I turned my attentions back to writing today. As I’ve said before, you can thankfully do that anywhere. In theory anyways. Preferably, I’d like to do it in places where the inspiration is over-flowing, i.e not really here. Still though, with a combination of perseverance and dedication, along with some weird thing called patience, that mental barrier can be overcome. At least, thats the great advice Google provided me with today. He would not leave me hanging in the writing department! Go on the Google!!!

Song on…

The Big Pink

Dominos – The Big Pink