Do X, Y And Z! Or… Just Watch TV?


Beat The Devil’s Tattoo – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Exciting news! Got a haircut the other day. How exciting! Thought I looked like a penguin after it. Imagine!? Put my face where the big white belly part of the penguin is… Go on the Penguin! Until I saw the Oscars last night. Realised I actually have the same haircut as Halle Berry. Kind of nice of the hairdresser. Usually I end up with a Big Bird or Ellen Degeneres look. I’ll take Halle. Anyways, as I was saying, I watched the Oscars last night. Followed by a couple episodes of Seinfeld. Too many episodes of Sex and the City. Bit of stand-up on Youtube. Then some something something. Ending with some sleep. Something something is obviously reading a book. Obviously. Fun night, to be true. Although, a bit different to last year. Last year, out galavanting, going to some Oscar parties, contemplating running off with a winner’s Oscar that someone thrust into my hands, ending the night with me getting booted off a radio station back in Ireland, when they thought my response to ‘What are you doing right now that’s really crazy?!‘ (Emm, I’m having a cup of tea) actually meant I was on drugs. Well done. Continue Reading »


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Today, I watched a lot of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Maybe 4 episodes of each. Which is a fair amount when you are not just watching them. More studying the episodes really. Anyways, after all that, I was a bit spaced out of it throughout the day. So much so, I decided to throw my iPod into a bin. Unintentionally. Obviously. Once again, I struggle to multi-task. Or hold a few items in my hands, and know which one to let go off. It was money a couple of weeks back. Now my iPod. Just dumb.

Walking into the gym, I was holding car keys and towel in one hand, empty can of Red Bull and iPod in the other. I wonder which one it was that I wanted to dump. Worst part is, that I actually really  focused on making sure I threw the can into the bin. Well, it seems that I focused on not throwing the keys and towel into the bin. Or the can. I think I stared at my right hand too much (something about the towel had me mesmerized) and forgot there was an iPod in my other hand. Luckily, the bin was full, so the iPod landed on top after I lobbed it in. However, as I was still staring at my right hand, I did not notice what happened at first. When I did, the iPod was already after cleverly finding a route, so that it could sink to the bottom. So that was nice. Shoulder deep in a bin, fishing through wet rubbish for a lifeline of mine. Always fun. At least my iPod survived, wuu!

Today, I got a bit of good news towards my visa application. Which is looking promising. Wuu funking huu for that. Still not in the bag, yet, but it is hopefully en route. Keep the wuu’s on ice I suppose. This did make me realize something though. Fairly obvious really. Well, maybe if you don’t tend to dump iPods, it is obvious. Which is, that the return to L-Hey is on the not too distant horizon perhaps. Still another bit to go, but round 2 is coming up. Time to get prepared. Which I’m not. Coasting along a bit in that sense. I had a meeting earlier, and I was asked what my plan is when I head back. And, being honest, I didn’t really have a definitive plan as an answer. Not even close. Kind of an outline, but not a real plan. And, you know what apes say, every man needs a plan. Or my new ape saying “A goal without a plan is just a wish!”

Today, I also read an article about needing grit to succeed. “Pick a specific goal in the distant future and don’t swerve from it”. I am a big fan of the word grit. Waaay better than that horrific word patience, which I think I may forever struggle to deal with. Patience always makes me think of just sitting around a waiting room, and having to wait to hear back about news. Grit, on the other hand, makes me think of digging in, fighting on, head down and plough on. That kind of gibberish. Patience makes the front of my head throb with annoyance when I think about the word. Grit makes me clench my teeth like a complete ape. Ape over annoyance any day! Grit on.

Not too sure why I thought “Today, I…” would be a good theme, or even a theme for the blogaruu. I will cut it loose and wrap it up. Now that I remembered the word grit existed, I seem to have a new kick of determination. Dumb enough if thats what gives me a kick on, but whatever works! Somehow today, a plan has also been thrown together for me until I get a definite answer for the visa. Write on and build up my artillery of material for the return to L-Hey. The original sitcom perfected, plus 2 spec scripts ready and willing to pimp out. You never know, maybe a short movie on top. Unrealistic? Perhaps. Do I care? Not too sure how that question is relevant. I lost my train of thought. Spaced buzz is coming back. Time to go to stare at that towel. Tomorrow on!

Song or two. I’m a bit obsessed with a remix of the Billy Idol one. And the new Arctic Monkeys song.

Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol


Arctic Monkeys

Crying Lightning – Arctic Monkeys

Ahh… Ha?


Yesterday I spent the majority of the day cutting, dissecting, converting, molesting and butchering clips of my stand-up together for a reel I need to show Gina G. As you might tell from my lingo, I am not the most adept person when it comes to using iMovie. Once you get into the swing of things though, it is pretty cool to use. Even if the video you’re working on ends up looking like it was edited by a goat. Another thing which has cropped up from viewing back different stand-up clips I have, is that I tend to curse a lot while on stage. And ramble. Along with making people cry with laughter, obviously.

I also realized another thing yesterday, not only related to the stand-up, but also to my writing. The podcasts which I have been listening to were playing away all day, and two things stood out for me. Firstly, just because a character is real, it doesn’t mean that he/she is necessarily funny enough for what you’re writing. Knowing when to give up on a character, or cutting a joke that you like, is key. Not really well explained so far, but I suppose if a character in real life did a funny thing, that was due to more the circumstances than the character, probably better to cut the character. If you get what I mean? No? I’ve lost myself too with my point being honest.

Moving on, second thing which a lot of writers said in the pods, was that they didn’t really have the greatest imaginations in the world. If they did, they would probably be writing Sci-Fi. And probably at Comic Con right now. Instead, they draw on life experience and all that, working from there, then letting their imaginations run wild. Which made me figure out something. Just because a story happened in a certain X way, followed by Y, and then ended with Z, doesn’t mean I really have to stick to it. Again, just because it really happened, doesn’t make it always funny to others. We all have buddies or stories that are hilarious to ourselves. But, they are probably not always as funny to other people, particularly randomers. I might be painting a bleak picture of my stand-up or writing, but thats not the case. I just need to remember these points to bring them up a level! Time to let the imagination run loose. Inside jokes or scenarios where if you knew the back story, then you’d find it hilarious, have to be cut. Obvious points to a fair few people I would imagine.

Anyways, going along the theme of starting off with a funny story that actually happened, here’s another one. So, I have been waiting to hear back from numerous people about numerous avenues which I am exploring. Yesterday, I got the call from one such person. I had been wondering why it was taking so long to get in touch, meetings had gone well, part of the process, that’s life, chill out, and all that. However, I forgot completely that other factors come into play as well. Such as the real world. The one with the recession and cut-backs. And job losses. Have you ever seen the Seinfeld where they get a pilot made, goes well when it is aired, however they then get a call to say the boss has left the company, gone crazy, the new boss is not a fan and their show is getting chopped?

Ok, so that didn’t happen to me yesterday. Bring it back a few stages though, and something like it did. When I got told the news that the person who I had met with about a certain project, was being let go as part of cutbacks, my first reaction was obviously to feel bad. And concerned. For that person. Then immediately worry about where that left me. I know it might not sound the most compassionate, but its being honest. I felt bad for both of us. Now I knew why I wasn’t top of the person’s priority list, stupid old egotistical me, huh?! In the midst of me commiserating (it actually doesn’t make any sense having cut-backs in that person’s area) and giving words of encouragement, I managed to get the details of the person that was one up on the chain of command. The yes/no contact. All is not lost, but it was a curve ball which I didn’t really expect. I know its not the right word to use, but I suppose it is funny enough. From the laughing at my predicament, point of view anyways. Funny in an ahh… ha, kind of way. 

See, I think the above story is a prime example of what I was talking about earlier. Funny at the time perhaps, or somehow funny for me, but others might not get a laugh or see the humour in it. Who knows. Thank funk my L.A optimism was boomed back into place before it happened, it’ll all just make for a better book in the end! Plough on!

Two songs, first is pretty funking cool, in the James Dean way. Second one I downloaded, forgetting I don’t need gay gym remixes for the time being. However, seeing as its Friday…


Goth Star - Paperplane

Black Eyed Peas

 I Gotta Feeling (Remix) - Black Eyed Peas

Oops, I Did It Again!


Today was a tale of two jobs. With the outcome more or less the exact same – all work and no pay. I have a feeling it will be a looong post, so I will break it up into two, one for each fun job!

First on the agenda, was my DJ’ing debut in the gym. Mucho gracias to everyone on Spacebook that suggested songs for me to play, they were highly appreciated. Even though I actually did not use any of them this time. However, they did lead me down the long tail to finding ridiculously good remixes and bootlegs of class songs. So, once again, thanks for the indirect help. And to everyone on Twitter who might read this and did not bother to suggest anything at all, ye pr**ks, let me down.

With my music sorted, and my new brilliant DJ software in tow, I was highly pumped to get the gym rocking. And, this time, I wouldn’t just be pleasing big gay Jim on his own, I would get to please the whole gym of gay dudes, with the splattering of hot women, orgy on! In I went, confidently striding up to the front desk, unlike the last time. I am here to DJ. The guy at the front desk gives me the nod, I am good to go.

Up to the equipment and set up my gear. Which consists of my laptop, a lead to connect it to the sound system (they have it already, good waste of $18, a lot on my budget) and my headphones. I soon find out only my laptop is needed, headphones are props too it seems. I realize that the slot needed to connect to the sound system is where my headphones go. Headphones are needed for effect at least, so I plug them into the next and only other available slot, no sound comes through them, but at least it looks more legit than being caught with them not hooked up to anything but stuck in my pocket! I would now be mixing using headphones that will actually block out the music, ha, should be even easier now.

However, the minute the first song goes on, I know I am in a different type of trouble. I pick a remix of a well known song, not too left-field and well suited for a gym vibe. The people I can see in my vicinity perk up their ears. I can see the puzzled look of them recognizing the song kind of, they know those lyrics, but not the beat or the music. But their feet are tapping, hips are popping, asses shaking and heads are bopping. Oh no, this has started too well. There is only one way this is going and I am not ready for it after the big gay Jim incident

The song kicks in and the magic happens. Big gay Jim comes flaming out of nowhere “I love this song, pump it up!!!!” No problem Jim, where’s the volume though? Ha, amidst a sea of buttons and knobs, on the sound board obviously, I find the volume and we’re off! Here’s the opener… Smells Like Neon Spirit by Nirvana vs Disco Trash Music

Not one to blow my own trumpet, but I have done well and picked my music wisely. The place is soon rocking. The only mistake I feel is choosing Boyz by M.I.A (“where my boys at”) but going well besides that. I am getting away on the mixing side of things (end a song and start the next one with similar beats, blend, hope for the best, DJ on!) and big gay Jim wont stop giving me the thumbs up. Before I go any further, a Seinfeld joke springs to mind. One of his stand-up jokes is of how people take compliments about their clothes so personally. As in, if someone says “Nice jacket” the person wearing it might take the compliment too much to heart, as if they had personally stitched and hand made the jacket. When, all they did was pick it out and wear it. 

So, when people start coming up to me to compliment me on ‘my’ music, I give a thanks, they’re not actually my songs, I am a great picker though, cheers. The hardest part I found was making myself look busy up there and as if I was doing something. Headphone to one ear held up with one hand, fool around on my keyboard with the other, blend the two songs, look busy. It is all going swimmingly well, until my laptop crashes ruining my mixing, ha. At least two guys starting doing a fake chant “We want more, we want more” and then a big gay “Yaaaaaaay” when it was back up and running. 

The requests for Britney and Madonna are non-stop too, cliche on! A few people are even asking me for my DJ card, eh, what’s that? One guy, however, who is blatantly not a fan, is the guy behind the counter. I notice that when my head is up from pretending to be busy, he pretends to like it and bop a bit. But, when he thinks I am not looking, there is no foot tapping or bopping, until he sees me again, then spoof dances. The song I just put on is a long one, so having nothing to do, I decide to stare him down, to see if he cracks and just admits he doesn’t like it. Stubborn little guy though, he fake dances his heart out for me, I appreciated it.

Surprisingly, even a girl came up to compliment the music as well. Enthusiastic and popping off walls, she comes bouncing up to me, blah blah blah, what’s your name? She asked me this just when a song was changing, so I had to pretend to be busy and mixing. I tell her “Two secs there” as in, hang on two minutes, while I do this, and I will tell you then. She obviously understands me word for word, responds with “Tsector, what an awesome name, good job!” and off she bounces again before I could speak anymore hubbula hubbula to her. Unfortunately too, there was no sign of Bros, so his song will have to remain on ice until the next day.

My two hour set finishes up, I am pumped to the max, head is inflating from the new found respect I have from the gym staff and I manage to get Jim to realize it will never happen. As I am hobbling downstairs from the DJ area  (knee is still dodge), Jim is squealing in joy, balls, I made it too good again. Merrick, awesome, woah, I am sweating after that, and he then starts to tell me how much better it was than he thought it would be (the music and my DJ’ing, obviously). I am concentrating on my hobbling and the stairs and when he notices my gimp limp, asks why am I hobbling. Soccer, crocked, rar diddy rar. “Ooooo, you play soccer? What don’t you do?!!” Eh, men, for one Jim, sorry to disappoint. Ha, even if the guy behind the counter didn’t like my music, he laughed at my joke. In fairness to big gay Jim, he took it well too. The joke, obviously!!!

Song of the day, there could’ve been so many, but here’s a good one to make people think you can mix… Roxanne (DiscoTech Remix) by The Police