Sea! No Hangover…

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Woke up. Stood up. Swaying. Big time. Bounced off one wall. Slid into the bathroom. Drunk? Eh. Hungover? No. Should be. Thankfully. Not in the slightest. Just a tad tired. Drink all the fruity Merlins, Jerk and Merkatinis cocktails that I can come up with. Hangovers don’t exist in the land I’m in now. Figured that out after the first 3 days. No Fear to fear here. Plain sailing. In the land of the sea. Left my brain back at the port. Hangover off! Climb the spiraling stairs from my cabin. Hey hup. Fresh fruit platter me up. Brunch on. Stewardeses scurrying aboot. Smiling while I order. Cursing me with their eyes at my order. Good old healthy eating. Eat what you have to. So you can drink what you want. Wrap it all up with a please and danke.

Bermuda Triangle

Everyone else is already up and aboot. Music is playing. Being played. Piano being delicately danced on. Give us some more Barry Manilow! Listen to the lyrics of a new mighty song being worked on. Big thumbs up. What do I think of these lyrics for the other song? Thumb up. One thumb sideways. Quick rejig. Two thumbs up. Now we’re dancing! Literally. Quick jig. Horse down the food. Get the nod. Skis are ready. Jet on. Scuttle past the piano. Out the sliding doors. Running jump onto a jetski. Giddy up! Well. More of a careful walk towards the jetskis. Maybe tumble into the water first. Either way… Off we go!

Nurf Shark! Oh... Nurse Shark?

Shooting away from the boot. Heading towards the lagoon we were told about. Full speed. Lagoon laid out like a speed track. Go on the Mother Nature. Water as blue as a berry. Shark whizzes by underneath one jetski. Did you see that? Eh. Yeah? (I didn’t. Half pretended I did. Then fully convinced myself I might of…) Oh Jesus. Shark! Nurf Shark!! Plough on! Head down. Actually. Head up. Standing up. Whizzing through this unreal water track which is somehow here in the middle of the ocean. Although I’ve actually no clue where we are. Somewhere in the Caribbean? Who cares?!

Scuttling. Funking pumped. Jet on. Sun belting down. This is. The. Life! Even better. My one! Giddy up ya pup! Happy thoughts screaming in my head. Thank funk I’m not stuck in an office! Wuuuuuu!!! (Apologies if you are reading this in an office right now. Holiday on!) Jets at full throttle. Skidding around corners in the river glades speedway track. Standing up on the jetski. Screaming at the top tip of my voice. Wuuuuuuauuuuuu!!!!


Getting William Wallace on it… This is freedom!!!!! Free and dumb!!! FREEDUMB!!!! Wuuuuuu… Needing to sit down. Woah. Still feel a tad pre-tty drunk. Drunk on life! Oh Jesus. Roll-over jackpot! Actually feels like I’ve won the jackpot. Giddy up. Wuuuu. Duuuuu. Wahuuuuuuuuu! Yooooooooouuuuuu!!! Yoooooooouuu! You? Who? What? What what?! Definitely still drunk… Who cares… Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Jesus. Look at the sky. So blue. And look. This water is so clear. I can actually see the sand beneath me now. Could actually almost touch it. How cool is thi… Oh shhh… Oh Jesu… Thump. Funk. Sand. Bank. Hit. Bang. Balls. Sore. Water… Where the funk did you go?! Shallow whure. Deserting me. More balls. Not moving. Grinding. Tractor stuck in mud. C’m-ooon the jet-ski. Power through!

Quick. Sand!

Vrrrrrrrroooowmmmapfh. Bob Hope. Nada. Vrrrrrrrrrroowmmmmapffh. Driving it into more sand. Well done. Not the slow kind either by the looks of it. Funking blueberries. Stuck. In quick sand. Free and dumb? Is that what you were just screaming? Well done. Dumb and stuck. Good work. Uninhabited brain. Over thinking. This river glade stuff looks like alligator territory. Oh sweet Jesus. Tide is going out pre-tty quickly as well. Hear the other jet-ski… Maxwell!!! Judy!! Swooooop! Over here boss. I’m stuck. Be wide. Crocodiles aboot! Where’s that shark we saw earlier?! Oh Jesus. What was that that just flew by overhead?! Was that a shark?! Nurf shark!!!


All in all. Buckets of fun. Turning into a Spartan trying to get a jetski unstuck from quick sand. Just in time too. Just before those crocodiles – merely figments of my imagination – appeared. Eventually got the ski back in deep enough water. C’mon Maxwell. Race you back. Freedumb on!!! Back to the boot. To be more exact. Back to the small boot. The one aboot 30 feet long. Which then took us back to the main boot. To be exactly exact. Back to the private super yacht. The 140 foot one. Guddy ip! The mighty super yacht that was our home for 10 days. Super on! “What did ye get up to lads?” Ah not much. Bit of jetting. Bit of getting stuck. What’s the plan? Off to snorkel around some caves, rocks and savage hidden beaches? Find some mermaids? Gilligan’s island? Chase tornados on jet skis? Sounds good. In fact. Sounds mighty. Just as yesterday was. And just as I am sure tomorrow will be. Some hoot. Once again. Hoot on the boot!

Sense and structure shall be back tomorrow. Coherent sense off. Memories on! Time for some Manilow Magic!

Copacabana – Barry Manilow



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