A clever family member suggested the following way to get the articles below onto le blog, so here they blow …
(Click on the bottom two to get a disturbingly fuller view)
And, finally, a song, to wind it all up… Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel
To start with, I would like to thank all 13 people who completed the trial poll since it has been posted, two posts ago. Mucho gracias to those 13. As for all the others, just know that WordPress gives daily readers figures, I shall be noting this for the future. While I am at it, I suppose, I would also like to thank those who put their sitcom name suggestion into the hat for the big prize I put on offer. Ha. Thanks to all those entries. Although, it is a one man show after all, so the lack of entries will not be held against anyone.
Now that that is out of the way, I must tell you my head is broiled. Seeing as I am on the healthy eating route these days, saying it is fried just no longer sounds right. In case you do not yet know, as with most things I have been doing lately, I am learning by numbers, slowly but surely, as I go along. The same applies to this writing malarky. Especially when I am trying to be clever and come up with an immense sitcom episode that I can pass around to people in L.A, to show off my writing work. Tiring work I must say, my brain is not happy with me.
So, seeing as it has been a fairly long day for my writing brain, I have decided to give it a bit of a break tonight. A few funny stories have been building up, along with ridiculously good writing advice, which I feel I should pass along, seeing as I got it for free myself. Just not tonight. Instead I shall post two published pieces of work, which a few people have been asking for or asked to see before.
The first is a watered down article I did for a newspaper back home a while back, edited on but not too bad I suppose. The second is an interview I did (electronically) for a new magazine, The Corkonian! Unfortunately, for some reason, I cannot upload them up as the pdf files I have, complete with newspaper/magazine design and all, so text alone will have to do.
Article first, followed by the interview, wuu…
My life in
La La Land
Mark Hayes, 25, from Rochestown, has decided to chase the
American dream — and moved to Los Angeles to become an actor
and writer. Here, he reveals the ups and downs…
“HI… Merrick? Or was it Eric?” No, my name is Mark, I say. “Oh sorry! Omar, I apologise, have you done much acting before Omar?” No, none really, I have to reply, giving up on the whole name thing. I have a commerce degree though, and a Masters in e-business, I’ll be fine! “Ok, have you done much writing before?” Again, no, not really, I wrote a sitcom pilot though, plus I blog a bit now too, I’ll be fine!
This is a typical conversation I have at the start of every acting class I’ve bragged my way into for free here in Los Angeles. As you can imagine, the teacher is highly impressed by my background in the fine arts. Although, mostly, they struggle to understand my Cork accent, so they might not get what I’m saying to them — which reminds me, I must talk my way into some free accent-coaching classes soon.
In mid-January, I decided to move to LA to give acting and writing a go. I had no previous experience in either, but it was always something I wanted to do, and I decided it was now or never. It didn’t matter that I knew no-one here, had nowhere to live, hadn’t a clue how to break into the business, and had no job lined up. I’d be fine, right? I unknowingly moved into the gayest part of LA, West Hollywood, living with two sisters who are models — it all balances out! Since then, to borrow a lyric, “My life got flipped-turned upside down”. It has been bizarre, brilliant, frustrating, overwhelming, exhilarating and absolutely nuts! And that’s on a quiet day.
I have gone to acting classes taught by some of the most prestigious teachers in the world (not that I had any clue who they were, or what Method or Meisner were). One teacher likes to reel off the actors who hire him to coach them through their movies — Will Smith, Gerard Butler, Jennifer Lopez — he can now proudly add my name to that list… if he remembers it! The more classes I go to, the more I see how do-able it all is, not a million miles away like it might seem back home. As long as you can half-act, it seems, and are lucky enough to get a break, or have the right person like you, you have a good shot. It’s only half a million miles away now!
My idea for writing was to develop an Irish sitcom. Thanks to living in LA, I now have a plethora of material to work with. Almost as importantly, living among successful writers has benefited me considerably. They have given me nuggets of advice here and here, how to get your foot in the door, what steps I must take to get a writing career up and running, etc. Again, it’s no longer a dream a million miles away.
The most eventful part of LA so far has just been daily life. Previously unthinkable encounters or situations are presented to you on a daily occurrence. I now regularly play five-a-side soccer in Robbie Williams’s house. I’m sharing drinks with actors from TV shows I like and watching soccer matches with musicians from bands I love! I’m trying to chat up my hot actress neighbours — one of whom was in Neighbours — as if they are regular Joe Soaps. In case you’re wondering, famous actresses give the cold shoulder the exact same as a regular old Josephine Soap would do!
Unsurprisingly, LA is a tad fake at times. People do not always say “Hi, how are you?” when you first meet them. Instead, it might be “Hi, who are you?” Even though I’m getting more used to it, it’s weird having a girl whip out her iPhone and Google your name to see who you are, checking if it’s worth talking to you. She’ll have a bit of trouble finding someone called Omar/Eric/Merrick!
All in all I have realised LA is like no other place on Earth. You never know what to expect. It can obviously be tough and overwhelming at times. However, I see now it is very do-able, and once you’re here, things just start to happen for you, as long as you’re smart and adaptable. I must say, LA all the way!
● All Mark’s tales so far can be read in his blog “Enough Talk, More Writing” on his website http://trickaduu.com
FROM CORK TO LA
MARK HAYES
WHERE IN CORK ARE YOU FROM?
Rochestown.
WHEN DID YOU MOVE TO LA?
January.
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IN LA?
I wanted to give acting and writing a go, even though I never really tried either before. Plus, being LA was an added bonus.
WITH NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK INTO ACTING?
I have faith in my abilities! I figured if there were so many bad actors in movies and on TV, surely there was room for one more.
HAVE YOU GOT ANY WORK YET?
Not a sniff.
WHAT DOES YOUR AVERAGE DAY INVOLVE?
I have no average day really. It usually just involves a random comedy of errors, which is why I set up my blog, http://trickaduu.com.
WAS IT DIFFICULT TO LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY?
They had a big going away party for me. The day after I left. It was tougher for them I imagine…
WHAT IS THE MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE IN LA AND LIFE IN CORK?
Weather, people, food, quality of life, random daily encounters with famous people, value for money. Not too much really, so.
IS THERE AS MUCH RECESSION DOOM AND GLOOM IN LA AS THERE IS IN IRELAND? IF NOT, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
There’s not really as much doom and gloom in LA as there is in other parts of America I’ve been to recently. LA is a bubble of optimism/people fooling themselves, so the recession is kept out. People don’t really moan here so I haven’t even heard one person mention the big ‘R’.
WHAT’S THE ONE THING YOU MISS MOST ABOUT CORK AND LIVING IN IRELAND?
Moaning about the recession.
HOW OFTEN DO YOU COME HOME?
Everyday. I am not homeless yet.
HOW HAS LIVING ABROAD CHANGED YOU?
I don’t have to go online anymore to buy nice clothes.
WOULD YOU DO IT ALL AGAIN? WOULD YOU DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY?
Its not fully done yet! If I could do one thing differently, it would be to choose to win the lotto before I left.
HOW DOES THE HEALTHCARE COMPARE? WHAT DO YOU PAY AND HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO USE THE US HEALTHCARE SYSTEM?
Pass.
WHAT ABOUT WORK PERMITS ETC., DID YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO GET CLEARANCE TO WORK?
Phone a friend.
HOW DOES YOUR WEEKLY SHOPPING BILL COMPARE TO THAT OF SOMEONE IN IRELAND?
I can’t remember the last time I did a weekly shop in Ireland. The food here is cheap though, plus it’s good quality as well. I could buy a mountain of food for myself to last the week for about $70? Trader Joe’s all the way!
WHAT ABOUT SOCIALISING, WHAT DOES THE AVERAGE NIGHT OUT INVOLVE AN WHAT DOES IT COST?
A lot of my nights out have been either hit or miss in LA. I think the nights where I have tried to do my own thing have been the worst. And also the ones where I have spent the most money. Other nights, usually if I head out with my roommates, I might be at a table in a cool club with free drink, no charge at the door, and not have to worry about a cab home. Just one of many perks living with two sisters who are models. A reoccurring theme on most nights out involves girls asking me “Who are you?” and then Googling my name in front of me on their iPhones. I have gotten used to the look of disappointment on their faces at this stage.
WHERE DO LA DWELLERS GO ON HOLIDAY?
Mexico, Hawaii, or Dingle usually.
DO YOU PLAN TO REMAIN IN LA OR WILL YOU EVENTUALLY COME HOME FOR GOOD?
I plan to stay here for as long as I can, or need to, but I have no clue how long that will be. I could be sent home by the time this article is published!
Follow Mark’s LA adventures, updated regularly at:
One day this week, I believe it was yesterday, not fully sure, I watched a random DVD. Something about going through the decades of music, and giving you the history of the era for each song or album that was the best or biggest hit at the time. I was running very low on procrastinating material. Anyways, the introduction to the DVD claimed that it would be “an informative and fun journey” or something along those lines. Straight away, that threw me off. Those two adjectives, in my view, don’t really go together. Informative, and fun. Surely, it is one or the other? The DVD was absolutely horrendous, had to be turned off after a few minutes. Watching the Pope visit America, and looking at album covers from that era (instead of hearing the actual songs) was neither informative, or fun, for me. The most fun was had throwing the DVD disc out the window.
Instead of watching the DVD, I went to the shop nearby, to pick up my photos from the disposable camera I have been lugging around with me in L.A recently. While waiting for the girl behind the counter to locate my present of photos, another little random Asian woman kindly came up to me and gave me a great compliment. Well, I think. Depends what angle you look at the compliment from. Highly obtuse would be my recommendation. This was it… “I must say, that is a really nice mullet you are trying to grow.” Ha, what a compliment. Again, nice and mullet? Can they really be used side by side? Or, seeing as I finally get a chance to use the word, in such a juxtaposition?
Two things hit me straight off. Firstly, there was the fact that she was actually wearing a Bon Jovi t-shirt at the time. And secondly, I had never met this bizarre looking Asian girl before, that I know of, so not sure if she would just mock a random stranger with such ease. I could be wrong. Which made me think she was being genuine. Which led me to wonder, what are you meant to say to that kind of comment? My initial reaction was to tell her thanks, you are horrendously good looking yourself, in hope of confusing her back. But, as she seemed genuine, it threw me off a bit… Eh, pardon? Mullet? No, this is just my hair, it is flowing a bit alright but at the moment, getting a haircut is not a priority. Mullet, though? No. Maybe. No.
“I love mullets, you could have one so easily if you wanted. Just trim the sides down, it would look great. A lot of people don’t like that look, but I do.” The compliment was being developed by her, so I started to consider it for a minute. Looked in a little mirror next to us, maybe a mullet would be a good look, tucked my hair even more behind my ears, then snapped out of it, and just told her I would mull it over. Hardy har, I thought it was quite clever at the time myself! Don’t think she got it though. Anyways, before she left she told me all of her favourite guys who sport a mullet – Bon Jovi & Billy Ray were the only two I remember or knew of – and that I should try the look out. And that maybe she might see me in shop the next time, who knows… and gave me a wink along with two “Bang-bangs” with her fingers. Well, no wink, and only one bang-bang, but still, all quite tempting. Oook, thanks.
All of which led me to ponder on the way home, what if the roles were reversed. What if I had just came up to her in the shop, and gave her a double barreled compliment? If I had remarked, I must say, sorry to interrupt but I like your rather jolly arms. And as for those chins of yours, don’t get me started… divine! But, don’t worry, I have a thing for larger women, so these are actually compliments. Jaysus, I’d love to get you up on the Wii Fit sometime, see if you get the obese rating. That would be hot. Maybe you and I could do something sometime, bite to eat perhaps? Think about it anyways, mull it ov.. actually, chew the fat over it (? horrendous, I know I know), and let me know. Bang-bang.
Not fully sure now, but I think, I think this peculiar scenario, coupled with the other little phrase from the DVD, got my brain thinking along one train of thought. Which all helped me to solve a conundrum. And that conundrum was… the name for my sitcom. So, that, my friends, is the fun and informative story of how I thought up of my sitcom name. Or at least the one top of the shortlist. Top by a country mile.
As for the informative and fun together attempt, at least I tried. In vain and unsuccessful, but I tried. And like the DVD disc, feel free to throw your laptop out the window after reading my effort to crack them both.
Enjoy these two songs which have, amongst many more, kept me ticking over all day…
Everywhere (Fleetwood Mac Cover) by Vampire Weekend
I would highly recommend getting the original version of the next song, if you don’t already have it. I could only hunt down this live version… (For Bob, who at least waited until after this song to be kicked out) … Unless It Kicks by Okkervil River
If anyone has their own suggestion for the sitcom name, feel free to leave a comment! If yours gets picked, you might win a magnificent prize. Surely ‘might’ will get me out of any legal contract if it every came to it. Might do, we shall see!
Back to Old El Frisco, good old San Fran. Normal, regular, used to love you but nay as much now, San Francisco. My previous trip back to SF has been blogged about in the past (click here to be reminded if needs be) so I will not repeat my feelings once more. Instead, I will simply describe them in a different way, ha.
About a week and a half ago, I was looking forward to getting out of L.A for a while. Made the call, up to SF to write the sitcom pilot, get away from the madness and random ways of L.A, it would do me good. In fact, I was pumped to go to SF, my pilot needed and was going to be written, time to work! Then, I actually got a job, that will pay me, made a few more contacts, two more job opportunities were then put in front of me, and I had a great week. The whole week was a bit blurry, so I decided not to think about my decision to come up here. The blur has lifted, replaced by the SF fog, but I can now see through the haze.
Something about San Fran is just not the same as L.A. When I give a homeless guy a dollar in L.A, I usually get a bit of humour out of it (last time I found out that he has more pairs of socks to choose from than I do, odd enough, I should’ve written more on that when it happened). At worst, I get a friendly punch in the ear, well worth a dollar for a story like that though. However, here, in SF, it is different. Yesterday, I gave a homeless guy a dollar, out of habit and also as he looked like he would do more than just give me a friendly punch in the ear if I didn’t. As I put the dollar into his cup, I noticed he was also flicking through songs, on his iPod, one earphone in his ear, the other earphone dangling down, similar to what I was doing at the time. In fact, I got a shudder as if I was looking at a mirror version of myself, only 5 weeks into the future.
However, his iPod was a far newer version than mine. I would almost say it was an iPod Touch, but not fully sure. And I was giving him a dollar? Didn’t feel right. Who needed that dollar more, I pondered, as I realized I no longer had enough for a coffee. To make matters worse, after walking a block further down the street, my iPod gave up on me. The battery didn’t die, it just froze, which has been happening lately. I am tapping on it still like one might on a fishbowl, trying to revive my goldfish, so to speak. Now and again, I get a flutter of the tail, but it is on its last legs. This would not have happened in L.A!
First night up here, I went out with my cousins for a friends birthday. Down to the local pub, then off into the heart of SF’s bustling nightlife centre. And, I noticed a few things. It is far harder to bluff your way past queues here. Nobody cares that you are Irish. Far more jock dudes in the bars. Far, far less quantity of women in the bars here. The women are far less plastic looking here. And on top of all this, the abundance of good looking women is far less plentiful here. However, I suppose they can hold a conversation better and don’t ask “Who are you?”. All depends what you’re looking for really. Personally, I miss L.A. A lot.
At least the public transport in SF allows you to get around the place easily. Unlike L.A, which has none. Well, two buses I think, but no clue where they go to (5% of the reason I walk everywhere in L.A). It could have something to do as well that usually I have nowhere to go in L.A (another 5%). And the buses seem to be used by homeless people only. Not that I am a snob who thinks he is too good for the bus full of homeless people, that goes God only knows where, or anything like that (90% of the reason). So, that is one plus for San Fran, yay San Fran, wuu, hang in there Harvey.
Last night it occurred to me, why it is that I way prefer L-Heey to San Fran. In L.A, I walk 2 blocks to the gym, roughly. Up here, I walk 16 blocks. That 2 block walk has thrown up all sorts of stories, conundrums, encounters and so on, more than I can think of now off the top of my head. Here, the 16 block walk, always, always passes without incident. The loss of possibility is immense. Life is far more regular and normal here. Not saying that is a bad thing, at all. However, in L.A, when are you trying to get a break, make contacts, network, get material, get people interested in your sitcom etc., the possibilities are absolutely endless. You never know who might be buying you a round next, singing karaoke with, or be next to in the gym, and so on. Actors, singers, directors, producers, or simply wannabes like myself, you just never know. And it happens daily, hourly at times, all fairly fun and eventful. The possibilities and opportunities are endless!
Either that, or I just prefer only having to walk 2 blocks to the gym. Although it is not that there have been no funny stories occurring here, there have, just not as many. I suppose the whole interest/obsession people have with Hollywood is a good added bonus to any story though. That is why my sitcom will be based there! And, in case you are wondering, the writing is going great so far! Made a lot of progress today. Went off and bought a big pile of index cards and an A4 writing pad. Which both look well next to my little notebook, which is on top my larger notebook. Alongside my 4 different pens. All sitting next to me on the table, jealous of my laptop. Going well so far, still not one word down on paper. Oh Jesus.
Two songs of the day. First I am a big fan of, mainly for the first two minutes. Not sure why so much, but here it is. After this long winded introduction. I now present you with… The End (Riva Starr Retrip) by The Doors
And the next has been annoying me the past day or so, finally figured out what song it was from having a snippet in my head over and over… Your Woman by White Town (for any Spanish readers, nicely subtitled for you. First and only video I could find that would allow me to embed the Mandy Mhuuure)
Writing so far has started off like I would do when studying for exams before. I waste a good few days procrastinating and get nothing done. Particularly during the day, I am more of a night person. Usually, after a week or two of this, the fear kicks in, and I cram it all in the day and night before the exam. However, this is not going to work with the writing. Time to grow up, in the writing world at least, time is a ticking. There was only one reason, after all, why I came here, yet I somehow have developed a mighty to-do list!
So, I have decided to try and help myself out, by naming and shaming the ways I have procrastinated today, doing everything but writing the pilot, in hope that it will, figuratively speaking, slap myself in the head to cop on.
Procrastination List:
1. Watched Days Of Our Lives.
2. Watched General Hospital.
3. Bought more pens (takes the total up to 4 fully inked pens).
4. Bought more paper to write on (takes the total up to 2 notebooks, an A4 pad and 200 index cards).
5. Brought my disposable camera to the shop to get developed.
6. Cleaned my already clean runners. 3 pairs.
7. Walking around the apartment a few times, looking for my phone, while on the phone.
8. Went to the gym.
9. Collected the photos from the shop.
10. Wrote this list.
11. Made this poll
(As you can quite clearly see, some high levels of procrastinating going on. Don’t worry, I am busy formulating the episode/scenes in my head while doing all this, it is coming along nicely! No need to fret!)
Today was my day of being the music man. I had it set aside, get three music playlists finished today. Worst call ever. I am sick to death of music. I thought it would be mighty, music all day, wuu, wrong, especially seeing as they are three different types of playlists that I have to prepare. One is for the gym (I like to keep it fresh, different music every time, ha, ape), one is for the 4 hour gig in the bar tomorrow night (rock, indie, punk kind of thing) and the final one was a half hour demo for the new club that has yet to open, the one I have already been in, that one.
So I had gym music, bar music, and club music, all mashed into one, all day long. Roughly 2 hours, 4 hours and a 1/2 hour. That is a fair amount of hours to be trying, fruitlessly, to do three different genres at once. By the way, do you know how long 4 hours is? As in music terms? 60 – 70 songs, I was told, which is a lot of songs. Particularly when I use my shrewd method of matching similar songs to improve my mixing, horrendous, I think I will have to formulate a new strategy. Plus the girl told me her bosses will be in, so it is my chance to shine and nail a regular slot. Happy days, although I did get stumped when she asked me for my DJ name, anyone have any good suggestions? Tricks, Trickaduu, Tsector, Two Secs There, and World’s Worst are what I’ve been mulling over.
The other two major activities I did today, were working on my sitcom, and buying groceries. Which provided me with material for the sitcom, as a walk in L.A almost always does. Firstly, while waiting to cross the road, I overheard two people talking. It went a bit like this… “I must tell you, I think you are so, so, so nice” – she was interrupted here by the other lady, who swooped in with – “Oh my gosh thank you! You are so nice too, I’m so glad we met” – first lady continues on… “but, as I was going to say, I think you and your dog are idiots. We shouldn’t go to the dog park anymore together”
Ha, it was hilarious. Unfortunately the light went green and they stayed on the same side of the road while I slowly forced myself to cross over, so I didn’t get how the rest of the conversation went. I presume, it went very well! If only the slightly less plastic looking ladies had waited for her friend to finish her sentence!
Second incident was with a girl in the vegetable isle, who wanted to know if I was excited to watch American Idol tonight “Only a few left now, oh my Gawd, I cannot wait”. If there is one thing I was not looking forward to, it was that horrendous show, particularly after a day of music, even if it was polar opposite (i.e good to Idol’s bad, my view at least). So, I duly told her, no, not at all, I only listen to traditional Irish music, and techno, at the same time, which she did not understand, in the slightest. She did get a bit offended though when she got the gist that I did not like American Idol “Oh, well you could at least keep me happy and pretend to be excited about it too” Again, I duly obliged, and gave her a fake wuu, wuu duu, wuu, and punched the air, Harvey Milk style. This also did not make her happy! What the funk?! “Oh my gawd, no need to be sarcastic about it, I never said you had to like it”. Ok, let me just pick out a few carrots then and I’ll be gone.
Finally, when at the till, paying for my carrots et al., the guy sitting there asks where I am from, I R land, I’ll take paper bags please boss. “Well I’ll be damned, an I R ish man, and a guy from a little farm in Arkansas, interacting in L.A, Hollywood no less, who would’ve thought that?!” Yeah, that is just amazing… how?! “Well, you know, who would’ve thought that? I certainly would not have, did you ever think it?” Again, what the funk?! No, I would not have thought of that, just like people a hundred years ago would not have thought of the internet, or the iPod, before they all happened, unless of course they went on to invent them, or whatever, you get the gist. It made no sense whatsoever to me! To keep him happy, I gave him a wuu and a Harvey Milk too, which at least seemed to please him more than the girl, as he gave me a wuu back, even if it was more reserved.
Thats about it, thats my day. This post has been a bit rushed. I was going to do a whole post made up entirely of song titles, I had it all planned today (I have a bit of free time here and there to mull these things over). However, I have been invited to go along to the Maxim Hot 100 party!!! Wuu huu, Harvey Milk all the way!!! Time to go bring the level of good looking people down a few notches. I wonder if they rate us as we enter the door or how it works? I’m just happy to be in the top 100 people. Who would’ve thought it, huh, a dope from Ireland with a disposable camera in amongst some hot women?
I actually have the post time delayed, so if I get back early for any of the following reasons: too ugly to be let in; my buddy hasn’t put me on the guest list; get kicked out for having a disposable camera, or numerous others which I don’t have the time to write, I’ll do my great song title paragraph or two! You must be so excited! Go Harvey Go!
Song of the day was going to be The Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson, but his version of Tainted Love might be more user friendly…
Enough Talk, More Writing! 