Yes, That Is I, Where Do I Sign?

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Thursday started with a tough choice, deciding whether or not I’ll walk to the acting class an hour away that night or walk to 5-a-side in Rob’s house which was a 2 hour walk away(the texts say “Footie in Robs’?” so I’m in the click and call him Rob now too, ha). So, Aaron or Rob, tough call. I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and decide which walk to walk later that night. I walk to the Coffee Bean near me to see what weird head I would encounter up there today.

On a side note, Coffee Bean is the newer, cooler, more hip version of Starbucks it seems. When I first arrived, thinking I was cool and in the know, asked where the nearest Starbucks was, I was scoffed at, and told “I don’t know, Coffee Bean is way” better. I crumbled and now follow the cool, hip, posing flock of sheep there. So far I’ve had a few chats with an actor who I recognized from an episode of Friends, some chick who was in porn apparently, and good old Amadeus.

Amadeus was this guy from New York, mid 40’s maybe, dressed in purple pajamas, long curly hair, rotting teeth, New York accent, kind of reminded me of Gene Wilder now that I think about it and Googled his name, who I met one day and spoke to me for a good hour about the origins of my chain and the origins of hemp. He got very offended when I asked if he was the inspiration for the song below.

Apparently, he knew the chain I was wearing had been in my family for generations(it hasn’t) and was worth a lot of, lot of money(it’s not). He knew all this though. Then he started rambling and rambling on about hemp, and a book about the emperor wearing no clothes, and Amsterdam, and Jack Herer, and his friend putting up money for hemp, and his mystical Irish friends who outdated the Greek mythology, and when he was young, and put Ab Simpson to shame for rambling. All the time speaking in a mix of a Welsh/Jamaican accent, thinking it was an Irish one. He then starting talking about guys from The Who and Led Zeppelin like they were friends. I just presumed it was all complete horse s**t until he starts lashing out $100 tips to the guy cleaning his table. Usually the old nuts ask for money at the end of the ramblings so maybe this guy is different. Or lashing out fake bills. Who knows.

Anyways (his rambling has caught on), none of my coffee buddies are up there so I throw on the I-Pod. After a while I see two guys next to me looking at me a good bit. Turns out they were a gay couple but this is not another gay story!!! So one of them says something but I’m not sure if its to me as I have my I-Pod on and Im busy looking newer, cooler and more hip in Coffee Bean. So, as he is looking straight at me and saying something, I take off my earphones and hear him finish the sentence…”I just love basketball, so does my boyfriend.” What the funk do you say to that!!! I decide on a swift and easy response “Cool, that’s good”. Then he excitedly asks me if I could get him tickets to a game. Kind of a weird request, but no sorry, I can’t. “No problem, how about an autograph?” An autograph? Why? “Emmm, do you not play with the Lakers?” Cue a bit of awkwardness as I mull over spoofing that I am Kobe Bryant or telling him the truth that I don’t. This actually happened before as well in LAX but I didn’t have my spoofing hat on that time either. I have since checked out the Lakers roster and I presume they think that I’m Sun Yue from China. Or else Kobe Bryant. I kind of have the look of both so who knows, ha. You’ll be glad to know I’ve now bought the entire Lakers kit and wear it up there everyday in case it happens again. That is my cool, new, hip Coffee Bean story where I thought I was cool until I realized it was mistaken identity. At least they didn’t think I was Amadeus!

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