Narc. Just in case you didn’t know. Although it might be a tad obvious. Spades shall be called. Write a blogaruu all aboot… Myself. Wrote a book all aboot… Me and my. Most of the time I live in… My head. More often than not I talk to… Myself. When I look in the mirror the first person I always look at… Me. Whose name does narc rhyme with… Mine. If ever you selfishly tell me your news, my first reaction is to think… How does or will this somehow affect me. Mull that over quickly. And then I will reply, laugh, congratulate, commiserate, dance a dance or whatever it may be. Run away screaming. Who knows. But first things first. What does it mean for me? One might call me… Narc King! Oh Jesus. Don’t blame me. Blame narcissism. Actually, no. Do blame me. All my fault. Narc on!
Something else I’ve come to realise: To some degree, everyone else is a narc too. Some people are big time. Others are little time. Having a book has made this clearer than ever. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been asked… ‘Am I in your book?’ People I’ve not spoken to or met in years. Supposed buddies. ‘Not sure if I’ll bother buying it. Am I even in it?’ And just in case you’re wondering, I’ve also lost count of the number of books I’ve managed to sell by responding with… Yes. Obviously you are. Almost a full paragraph/page/chapter on you. Of course. I think it’s page 213. People seem to really like that part actually. Oh, you will buy it now so? Good stuff. Yeah, I should’ve told you that sooner. Just bought it? Good work… By me. Sell out or sell out!
Just the other day I got an email saying ‘Well done! Can’t wait to read it! What does it say about me in it? And could you send me a free signed copy to this address? Thank you.’ Seemed genuinely pleased for me. And also genuinely serious about sending her a copy. Off the top of my head I don’t know her surname. Haven’t spoken since 2006? Nice of her to reach out though. Feel around for a free book. Nicely done. Narc.
Release Your Inner Narc!
Anyways, with all this narcissism in the air, I had an idea for the next vlogaruu episode. Pencilled in for soon. (In case you missed the first one, click there). If you too are a narc (don’t be shy!) and might want to randumbly appear in the next episode, let me know. Horse your name into the comment box. I’ll need a photo of some sort. Montage on perhaps. Whichever works or fits. On the off chance a few folk are interested, I’ll just choose dumbly. Organic fit all the way!
Remember That Garden Gnome...
Enough aboot me. And you. On to those few amongst us who are rarely full on narcs. Rare finds. Actually, back to me first. So I had this idea for Randumb: Ask folk to take random photos of the book on their travels or wherever they may be in the world. Here’s the book in Tokyo. Here’s it in Kerry. Here’s it on the Eiffel Tower. Here’s it in a bin. That kind of thing. But then I thought, no, don’t be a narc, who would do that. Until my brother suggested the same idea to me too. And I thought… Perhaps. Although would non-family actually be interested in doing it? Doubtful. You’re some narc. Leave it be. And then people started to email me to say that I should do that exact idea. And that they have actually being doing it themselves anyways for a laugh. What what?! I know. How very un-narc!
So that long winded paragraph was basically me throwing the idea out there. Not the one about Randumbology. The new way of life. Religion. Cult. Randumbers. Not that one. Joe King. Obviously. Seeing as we haven’t got Tom C on board yet. Not that idea. The other one: If you have a copy of my book, a copy of a camera and are in the mood, take a photo of the book wherever you may be in the world. Well known is even better. Random places are even better. A beach in Australia. A street in England. A fireplace in India. An ape on Gilligan’s Island. All random! Any photo at all. Tag me in it perhaps on Facebook. Or else post it here. An album shall be set up. And I also have a plan for a collage if it all works out. Cover on! Which what. Never know who your photo might end up next to if it all pops off!
On that note, enough narcotising by me. Normal story service shall resume tomorrow. Buckets of narcing for you to deal with today. As a way to make up for all that me me me’ing, a mighty video which you might enjoy… How To Be Alone. Which is actually pretty fun if you are a full on narc!
One final thing before signing off with a song. While I’m full on letting my narc loose and all… Anyone up for blog/book related t-shirts?! Yeah? Chomping at the bit? No doubt. Ok, cool. I’ll look into it. Suss her out. Duu on! Narc off. An apt song perhaps. Seeing as similar thoughts directed at me probably went through your head numerous times whilst reading my narcoleptic gibber!
F**k You – Cee-Lo