Super? Really? No

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Bad Sign

No clue why, but I seem to have a fair few superstitions. Somehow I’ve managed to build up an eclectic bundle. Although I’m not fully sure if they even are superstitions. I think it may be OCD, but self diagnosis doesn’t really hold much weight. For example, the volume on the t.v or the radio has to be on an even number. Obviously it doesn’t have to be. However if I notice that the volume is on an odd number, that’s all I can think about. Gives me a slight headache. Depending on where I am, I will either just change it. Or subtly change it. Coughing, pretending something is behind the t.v that I must get, then turning it up or down a notch. Subtly. People are none the wiser. I’m sure. Super work. Continue Reading »

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When Will I, Will I Be Famous? Bros, Answer Me!

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Now I was back in L.A, it was time to get back in the groove and be productive. With this in mind, I decided I’d head up to the gym and see if my buddy will hook me with free membership again. I was feeling confident about getting hooked up for free again, after all, I did watch Milk, in┬áSan Francisco, how could he say no now??!!!! I was ready to give my gayest high five and pump the air Milk style when I saw him.

Alas, this was not the case. I must have caught him on an off day. Either that or he had remembered what I had been telling him. It is time I reveal my dark secret – I had been leading the gay gym manager on all along. I felt so dirty hiding it, ha. When he tried to get me to sign up initially, I told him I would, definitely, 100%, for the two year plan as well, sign up and join, I love this gym, best gym around buddy, high five, but it will have to be when I find out how long I was able to stay in L.A. Which would always be next week when I find out, and then the week after, and so on, so he kept giving me free gym. Finally, when I told him I had to leave the country for a while, he must have presumed I would join up when I got back.

As I was saying, unfortunately he must have remembered, as I was getting the vibe it would no longer be free this time around. So, he offered me a cheaper month to month rate than usual but I was not happy with this still. I told him I must go home and mull it over. So, home I went, had a quick shower, shave, combed my hair, put on my best shirt, put on some cologne, time to get the free gym. Once again, however, I was told I would have to pay for the gym. The cheek of him, I had watched MILK! How could he do this to me?! Wait until I tell my brothers on Castro!!!

Anyways, today was the first day I went back to the gym, and it was great being back! I have a new gym buddy, Common will be freaked. Although I was really only sharing the machine with my new buddy, while I hummed his song. I was procrastinating away on some cable machine, still struggling to text quickly on my new crap phone, texting Twitter at the time of all people, ha. This guy asks can he jump in and use the machine while I text away. Work away buddy, and I recognize his face straight away, a lot less hair but its one of the dudes from Bros! Their classic 80′s song begins to play in the jukebox in my head! I text Twitter quickly to tell it this, I could do with a few more texting buddies it is true, ha. He finished his set, and jokes “I hope she’s worth all the texts whoever she is mate”. I mull over saying “I’m actually texting Twitter about you, would you believe” but decide not to.

I do a set, he then does another one. While he is doing his, I notice I am humming a song, but not the one on my iPod. I’m humming/whistling to myself ” Umh, umh umh, umh umh be ummmmhumh?! Umh umh umhum umh, umh umh umhum umh – When, will I, will I be famous?! I can’t answer that, I can’t answer that” (It’s hard enough to spell out a good humming noise for lyrics, that effort took me a while I must admit!). As he probably would, he notices I am humming his song, and the alert is on. He quickly finished and moves on. No more sets to do Bros? I could do with a hand on my final one? Bros? No? Common is way sounder than you!!!

As I was saying, it was great to be back in the gym, the magic of random L.A was back!!! However, I forgot about the lesson I learnt on the plane back from Mexico, I am a foolish man at times. The lesson about my blue Nike Jordan shorts. Being like blue bicycle shorts at times. Most of the time. Giving the world a good indication of what you bring to the table. If it will reach down as far as the table, that is!

So the gym shorts I wear the majority of the time are these blue Nike Jordan ones. Read back about the flight from Mexico post to see what their major flaw is if you couldn’t gather from above. Wearing these shorts to a gym, where its mostly gay dudes in there, is not the best idea, unless of course you’re gay yourself and looking. It’s like I am throwing it out there, seeing what I get offered more or less, teasing. No wonder I had been getting stares and looks in the gym all along. I shudder now thinking about the times I did stuff like bench press or sit-ups, anything lying down. They can be very deceiving or flattering shorts! And don’t think I’m saying it like “Oh, it’s like a third leg, hung like a horse, the blue bicycle shorts don’t do it enough justice!” kind of thing. I’m not. At all.

Think of it like this. If you were a guy like me in a gym, and you saw a girl who was, for example, showing side nipple. No matter what size breasts she has, big or small, you will still look. It’s out there, it would be rude not to really. It is kind of like that, in a completely different way. From now on, I think I will have to wear my shorts with the big pink flowers on them to the gym instead. Far less gay. Although, thinking about it more, maybe side nipple might have got me free gym again as well, too late now though!

Song of the day is this tremendous song… Skeletons by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.