Come On You Boys & Girls In Green…

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Everybody’s Gotta Live – Love


Ever look out the window and wonder who was the handsome feck staring back at you and then you realise that the window is actually a mirror??! That happened.

Ever been DJigging and a randumb Irish guy comes up to you to say “Are you the guy from Cork? Your GAA team is Continue Reading »

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This Is What Mass In WeHo Is Like…

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Chapter 15

 Wigs, Wine & Weirdos

“Oh God. Why am I holding this man’s hand?” ’Twas the night before Christmas Eve and all was… Dead. First Christmas away from home. Away from the family. Away from my Mum’s mighty Christmas dinner. Aww. Poor little Merrick. Woe is me. All week I’ve been constantly asked, “Will you not miss going home to Ireland for it?” “Well, it would be preferred, but I’ll just have to make do.” Making sure to add, “And besides… In this economy? Hm.” That part usually confuses them enough to ask no more. Besides, I’m sure Cork will miss me just as much. Only the other day did a buddy Diane tell me, “Oh, eh, yeah. Christmas just won’t be the same if you’re not here. Like Disneyland without Mickey Mouse, so it will.”

So that was nice. Being compared to a mouse. Mighty. Anyway, last night I did the 12 Pubs of Christmas. Woke up this morning. Still full to the brim with Christmas cheer. Plan was to go to Charlotte’s for Christmas dinner. First, mass. Must go to Catholic Mass on Christmas Day, my Mum would kill me if she found out I didn’t! As it happens, two churches right around the corner from me. Go on the Google Maps. Hop out of bed. Bounce off a wall. Christmas clothes on. Scuttle around the corner. Blessed myself going into church. Found a seat. Sat down. Kneeled down. Stood up. Realised everyone else was still kneeling. Back down. Spaced out. Joined in. Humming prayers. Head spinning slightly. Saw a sign on the wall: Continue Reading »

Pubic Wig Hayes, They Call Me…

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Feel So Close – Calvin Harris


Did I mention I have a new publisher now? Dance. On! Finalising all the ins-and-outs on the Q.T. Done. And. Dumb. Book two a duu! Strict orders last week from the people in charge: Blog off. Book on! At least until I finish this draft. Unless something amazing happens. Obviously. Ergo, time for a quick embargo from the embargo. Brain is tired. Hoping that scribbling out a blogaruu will revive the beast. Eventful two weeks too, to be true. Ish. Pubic Wig Hayes, they call me…

Salt And Racism

Woke up to a text the other day: *A-lister who not only stars in movies but also produces some of the best shows aboot* is interested in your book. Apparently.

Took it with a grain of salt.

Woke up to an email today: Can we arrange a meeting to discuss the possibilites of moving forward with regards *A-lister who not only stars in movies but also produces some of the best shows aboot* and your book?

Still taking grains of salt. Big bowls. Better than a kick in the balls to be true!

Next day. Got booked to headline the Continue Reading »

Shamwow To Look Now!

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We Are The People (Jimmy2sox Remix) – Empire Of The Sun


Two years ago I went to my first fair in LA. As a Shamwow salesman. Obviously.

Sold my first Shamwow to a Neo-Nazi. Mighty.

Also did a bit of moonlighting as a carny. We all have a dark past.

Exactly two years later, I went to my second fair. As an author. Peddling my book.

Oh. Betsy!

All aboot the baby steps! LA Book Festival all the way! On over the weekend in USC. Huge affair. Thousands of people at it. Time to shine! Spread the good word of Randumb! Time to sell some books to… Convicts? What? OK… Continue Reading »

Flash Gordon

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Let’s pretend today’s Monday. Ok. Where was I… oh yeah, flashbacks have been flooding in all day. Flashes of all kinds. Time to fill in the blanks. Funny old weekend. Getting back on track. Good chunk of buddies giddied up to Coachella for the weekend. Back to my solo Joe galavanting. Turned out a treat. Not sure exactly why. I do know there shall be more solo Joe in the future though. Weekend of DJigging. More DJigs the merrier. Good for the soul. White abyss needs to be filled up. Either that. Or my glass just keeps on being refilled. DJig on. Even if it does lead me down paths full of nuts and nutters. Continue Reading »

Dirty Old Hunt

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Few times I’ve swung the other way. Recently, however, all women. Personal preference. Lifestyle choice. Things change though. Pressured back into it. Necessity. Crept up on me. Otherwise. Could end up on the streets. Wandering. Homeless. Bum. Bite the bullet. Trawled. Creeped. Pounded. Knocked. Grilled. Interrogated. Stripped bare. Hollow. At least I found somewhere to live after all that. Go on the hunt for a new place to live! Get your mind out of the gutter! Continue Reading »