Victim Hayes

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Lights And Music – Cut Copy


Not sure where newspapers get photos of me. An educated guess is that they pull them out of a bag of cats. Photos with both my eyes closed. One just after a soccer match, panting, sweating, looking with one wonky eye. The most recent one has me looking like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Remember, he was a blind, feeble old man? Well, just like that except I also look like I’m sitting in a wheelchair. Don’t get my wrong, delighted with newspapers picking up on my current ranking of being rated #1 on the Amazon Humour charts. Obviously. Just a pity they don’t ask for a photo. Anything at all. Potentially, I’m better looking than that. No, no: Seriously. In the right light. With the right make-up. And the right amount of airbrushing. I’m fairly sure I can scrub up better than that. I swear. Ah stop… Continue Reading »

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Hundreds & Thousands!

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Obviously I knew that Christmas was coming up soon. Start of December and all. It’s about three weeks away. Better start lining up presents to send home. This statement, by me, was met with ‘Christmas is next week.’ Pardon me, what now? Which week? When? Three weeks. Right? At least? Don’t be so silly. Only the start of December. ‘Have a look at the calendar’. Oh dear God. Sweet Jesus, it is your birthday. Next week. Continue Reading »