A buddy of mine always seems to sense when I am hungry. Just as I might get a pang of hunger, right on cue, the buddy would see if I wanted to go with them for something to eat. Sounds good. Lets go. Lets go eat. The problem was, I would inevitably find out, that it was never a straight forward scenario of just going somewhere to eat. Without fail, there was always something else. A shop where we had to call into quickly on the way. Then one more place next door to return some other item. While we’re in this area, can we just get one more thing. It will only be 5 more minutes, 55 tops! Sorry about this, food is on me for all the commotion. Always, always, always happened. Obviously only one person at fault… me, for not copping on after the second time that this was the way it was going to be. Saying we were going to get something to eat. But not actually eating for a long, long time after what was first planned. In the end, I’d end up in the pub, drinking my sanity back after yet another run around. Continue Reading »
I have two ways to describe my morning so far. One is to say I am just, just over an hour early for the train to Dublin. The other route would be to say I literally missed the original train I planned to get by 5 seconds. Not even, really, I managed to get through the gate but couldn’t stop the automatic doors from closing on me. I could have made it if I dumped by bags while I ran, but that would just have been dumb. Almost, as dumb, as someone missing their train. Especially when that someone was up 2 & 1/2 hours before the train was due to leave.
After barely making my last four trains to and from Dublin by the skin of my teeth, it was inevitable that I would miss one soon. No one to blame, except myself really. Although, I could push the boat out and say that if my friend, who I had to call to, en route to the station, was able to throw keys like a normal person, it might have been a different story. Instead, the keys did not make it over a waist-high gate. This led to me jumping over the gate, having to pick them out of a bush, hop back over the gate and then whiz off in my car. A highly valuable 30 seconds, at least, was wasted there.
I also managed to neatly place my hand in the same place twice while jumping over the gate and back. At the time I thought the stuff was moss. Squishy, white moss. Now though, I see that it is something else entirely. Whereas I was picking something up from my friend’s house, it seems the birds were dropping stuff off. Omens of good luck never hurt anyone I suppose. Anyways, I wont blame him. Or the birds. My fault all the way.
The wise old saying “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” is familiar to most. I am beginning to realize that it should be used in a lot of different walks of life. Not just one. For example, nobody is really a fan of over the top, full-on, bombardment when they first meet a girl. Well, maybe you are, but I wouldn’t be a fan myself. However, now and again I forget this, and end up doing the same myself. Well, maybe not so much in that area, but definitely others.
About a week or so ago, lets just say I met a girl in Dublin. We’ll call her Rita. First meeting we clicked big time, started brightly. We got on well, all the right boxes were ticked, the timing was right, could this be fate?! After the initial date, a few phone calls and emails were sent, bit of texting went on. Forward and back, Roddick to Federer, this was looking good. Then, I heard nothing from Rita for a few days. So I sent another text. Still nothing. This led to my imagination running off a tad. I started to think how could Rita just cut me loose like that. What did I do to ruin the groundwork that had gone before? I thought we would fly through the initial phase of our blossoming relationship, and plough on from there. Why won’t Rita ring and confirm that we are an item! At least let me get to 2nd base!!!!
Yesterday, Rita did call me. All was fine, things were still normal, regular conversation. She likes to take things slowly it seems. Things take time and all that. Oh right, my bad, I was getting ahead of myself a bit. Clingy, Id say Rita was probably thinking. We had just met. I wanted to jump straight into a relationship. Should’ve held back, played hard to get. Instead, I did the worst thing possible, and ended up just sitting around over thinking things. Ape.
Not to worry, I have my wits back with me again. Now, I am off to do what I should’ve done earlier… hook up with Rita’s friend. Tina, we’ll call her, was onto me recently. Being honest, I wasn’t sure if I’d do it to Rita and all that, me being a gentleman and all. However, Tina just wants to meet up for a coffee or something. Just a friendly meeting, nothing too serious or anything. See how it goes. I have a plan. Might see if Tina is up for doing something with Rita. More the merrier. 3-some on! Speaking of which, I forgot they’ve a 3rd friend.
First song of the day…
And one final song for yesterday…
Being honest, now and again, I perhaps can be a bit (very) superstitious, paranoid, neurotic, estúpido, whatever you might want to call it. Nothing dumb like walking under a ladder, or a black cat running across me. That’s just dumb. My peculiarities are far more intelligent. Obviously.
For example, if I have a bad thought about something that might potentially happen in the future, I have to tap my head. Then some wood. Then my tongue. And finally my head one last time. Ha, only joking, obviously… Stupid stuff like having to play the same song first, on a playlist on my iTunes, wreck my head on a constant basis. They’re just two that happened while writing this paragraph. I have no clue at all why I even do half the stuff anymore, but in my head, if I don’t do them, I am tempting fate. Good laugh. So, with that in mind, I will just say that it has been a good week in Dubla. A productive week. Progress being made on this side of the world too. Big weeks. And baby steps. My new horrendous saying.
Moving swiftly on, my Irish stand-up debut in Dublin last Thursday was pretty funny. Maybe not so much my act, but the whole night in general. The MC could not have known that the crowd there was at least half made up of Cork folk. So, when he decided to try and mock one Cork person, only to be heckled, burnt and ridiculed back, over and over by different Cork “langers” in the crowd, it started the night off on a good note.
However, the first guy up, a dude playing a guitar and singing humorous songs related to his STD’s, did not help. At all. Purely because he was fairly good. As in actually funny. Something I was not hoping for. Setting the standard. Thankfully, the second guy up had severe anger issues. After watching the other acts in L.A, I quickly learned that alienating/abusing the crowd as a whole, is not a great route to take. From my point of view, it worked nicely. He did well freaking the crowd out enough that they would laugh at any old dope up next, as long as he wasn’t screaming at them. Happily, this was my cue.
Since my mighty performance, feedback has been split roughly – actually, I would say exactly - down the middle. Between my buddies, and randomers afterwards coming up throughout the night, the feedback has been in two camps… “I liked it, but I thought the parts where you had banter and mocked the crowd were better, do more of that. It was good though, I was surprised” … “Funny enough, but you should stick to your routine more, keep to your own jokes. You kind of did too much stuff with the crowd. Well done though”. Seriously, it has been right down the middle. So, only fair thing to do is take bits from each feedback, and say it was a roaring success! The cherry has been popped.
Cold light of day, I need to ramble less, have more of an act (which I’ve figured out, wuu) and ensure that an angry, psychotic, weird little guy is on just before me. I might ask him if he wants to start a double act. Just one where we’re never on the same stage at the same time. Should go well. And, if anyone is wondering, by far the last guy up was the funniest. Hilarious older guy, who slaughtered two English dudes in the front row. Who were actually Australian, but nobody cared at the time.
One good thing to almost come out of the stand-up, was the issue I have with Dublin. However, unfortunately, she was not my type. Still though, an interesting light was shone on the performance angle. Not that it made a difference. I think the ratio in Dublin is off kilter (what a brutal excuse!)
One last thing that I found funny on the night, is of how many people love asking me… “How much do you make for all this?” For all what? “All this, the stand-up, the DJ stuff, the blog, how much do you make?” Ha, how much do you make? “Ah thats different, I just want to know how much you make” Which is just a dumb conversation I had a few times that night. However, I will now divulge how much I did make for the stand-up gig.
Just as the night was finishing up, news was breaking that Michael Jackson has just died. Around this time, the organizer of the night came up to me, thanks for doing it and all that, here’s the money, and slipped it into my hand. Then, he quickly scurried off. I was finding out if the news about his death was true, so didn’t even check the wad for a few minutes. When I did, I started to laugh. €20. Wuu! No wonder he ran off so fast. That is going in my next act, some funking joke.
The blog has been in hiatus for a few days. Still though, song of the day will have to be a tribute to Michael Jackson. Fair enough he might not have been a saint or anything, but, for me, definitely the greatest entertainer ever. And this song showed he could still produce gems!
Second day of DJ’ing did not start so well. In fact, yesterday I had one of those mare of a days everyone has now and again, for no apparent reason. Looking back now, and after being told by my buddy today, I was being a little b**ch. There was a heat wave so it was ridiculously hot, as in about 100 degrees. I had could barely sleep with the heat, so woke up in a little b**ch mood which continued for the day. What am I doing with my life, I worked all weekend and made about $25, homeless bums are higher up on the salary ladder than me, I stayed up trying to find good remixes and ended up downloading about 200 crap songs (paid for them, obviously) and for what… a DJ gig I don’t even get paid for, what an ape I was, am, will ever be. This was the mood I was in when I headed to the gym to DJ. My little b**ch mood.
So I started off with a rock intro, purely because of the assistant manager and me being an ape trying to please her. This did not go down well with everyone else in there it seemed. There was no bopping around, not even fake bopping from the dude behind the counter. I kept trying to save it with more rock, but even as good as they were, I got the vibe that they were not going down well. The DJ booth is located half way up the stairs, so I can’t see as much as I would like. The main entrance, people on the stairs, and the front desk more or less. I was then informed that the assistant manager wasn’t even on that day, the funking job. My little b**ch mood got even worse.
All I could think about was what kind of ape I was – stuck under a stairs, playing songs the people didn’t even like, sweating to death, tired from being up all night downloading these crap songs, and not getting money for any of this ape-ness. And I was wearing headphones that no sound came out of. What a tool I am. Funk that, this music needs to change, and fast. I cut the song that was on short, but changed the entire musical angle too soon. I put on a song that I think, played at the right time, could go down well. Not though, when things are going horrendous to start with. I went from a (savage) remix of a Clash song, to not this song, but a remix of this…
The remix, obviously, is not too bad being honest, its pretty cool. But when you’re trying to save making yourself look like an ape, it is probably not the best song to give you street cred, I actually saw one girl look up at me and laugh. Oh Jesus. I blame it on a rush of blood to the head, what with the headphones being stuck on too tight and all. I half thought of stopping the set short and just leaving, what were they going to do, not not pay me? I gave it one last roll of the dice with a few guaranteed remixes. These got me in a better mood at least. Until I saw the General Manager making a bee line for me. Balls.
“Hey man, we haven’t been properly introduced yet”… Yeah, look I’ll pack my stuff and go… “I just wanted to say, great job, you are really getting the place going” Eh, say what now? “You are definitely better than the last guy we had” Ok, I’ll take that as a compliment that you think I’m better than at least one other person, cheers. “Any more 80′s remixes, we loved the other one you just played?” Rick Astley? A girl laughed at me, are you sure??!!! Here you go so… I put on a gem (At the time, I had put it in the bob hope pile after the reception I thought poor Rick had gotten)
Now I could see people bopping and dancing around, my tunnel vision and little b**ch mood had been lifted! People were even singing along at the top of their voices, it is Hollywood too I suppose so they might have been hoping to get signed up for a record deal at the same time. This even brought one of my fans out of the woodwork from upstairs. I saw his head pop over the banister, squeal, and rush down with a friend in tow to tell me he loves to dance to this song. Good stuff, no I will not dance with you. So the two of them stood halfway up the stairs, where I was situated, and danced along to the song in front of me. Very flamboyantly with each other. Throwing me looks. The whole song.
More and more people were swinging by now to say good job, great work, wuu! One guy rushed out to his car to give me his friend’s CD to see if I would play it next time (I wont, it’s horrendous, for the gym at least). They also seemed to linger around, to watch me do my magic. It was then when I realized that these people thought I was actually remixing these songs on the spot, making it up as I went along. I only mix the end and start of songs. My headphones are plugged into a slot in my laptop where no sound comes out of. When I realized they were watching my hands to see how I was remixing these songs so well, I did what any person would do. I informed them that they were remixes I had found. I wish.
Instead, I did what any ape would do, and pretended to mix, scratch and mash songs together. On my laptop. With no external mixer or sound card. My headphones filling my ears with silence. Making sure to press parts of the keyboard where there were no buttons, pretending to wiggle my fingers around on the scroll part as if I was rewinding the song down or speeding it up. Tapping the side of the laptop as if I was making part of the song repeat and then finally kick in. I can mix two songs I have together well, but these people were convinced I was remixing entire songs, who was I to disappoint! I kept this up until they seemed impressed and convinced I was doing it and left. It was tiring enough, pretending to be a master remixer.
My fan came back a good few times to tell me “Good job” and give me two thumbs up. Where did he put his thumbs, I hear you say, hardy har. I was going to see if I could get a photo with him for the blog, seeing as he was dressed in a ridiculous get-up once again, but I didn’t, for two reasons. Firstly, my camera has been bust since Mexico, and secondly, aren’t fans the ones who ask you for a photo, not the other way around? Although I presume Larry David is calling over to my house any day now for a quick polaroid.
I finished the set on a high note, even getting calls for “One more song!” which I duly obliged, with a song I’ll play below. My little b**ch mood had been lifted. It was in the back of my mind that hopefully no other DJ will ever watch me work my magic on the remixing side, notice my headphones are plugged into nothing, or that the remixes are the exact same every time. Plus I remembered that I still was not getting paid for any of this, but I pushed all of that irrelevant stuff way back to the very back of my mind.
I headed home, chilled out a while, tried to be productive, sweltered in the heat, then decided it was a boring Monday night, I might as well go work out. Which is when one of my roommates asked me where I was off to… the gym. “The gym? Weren’t you there earlier?” Yeah. “You have a fun life, the gym twice in one day! I’m only joking, have fun!” Have fun you say. Twice in one day. I have a fun life indeed. Indeed I do. Indeed. I have no life. Twice in one day! What kind of chump am I? Twice in one day?!!! What are you doing with your life?!! You are a bum, sort yourself out! And what the funk is with this heat?!! Why can’t it be cold and miserable?!!!… And I was back to being a little b**ch again. Wuu.
Here was the encore song that had people doing the zombie dance that goes along to it…
Thriller Remix by Michael Jackson
Being honest, I used this post as a way to vent out the last of my bad mood. Today, in contrast, has been mighty!!! You must be so excited to hear about it next time!!! Re de de!!!