Miami Vice. Very Nice.

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South Beach

Boogie Shoes – KC & The Sunshine Band

Winning Streak. Back in the day this was the main TV game show in Ireland. Might still be. Contestants would go on and spin a wheel or guess something and win money. The easy part was winning. The hard part was getting on. I think you had to buy a scratch card and get three star icons. This then meant you could send the scratch card in where it was put in a drum and each week on the show the name of three lucky contestants would be drawn. Lot of hoops. But. If you ever made it on, you were going to win something. A brand new Opel car! Ohhh. Two thousand euro! Wow. A luxurious holiday away for two! Dear Jesus. I think one extra lucky person at the end got a chance to ‘Spin the Wheel’ where the top prize was 500,000 euro. Something like that.

The wheel was basically a vertical roulette table with different sections indicating different prize amounts. A ping pong ball would be dropped in at the bottom and the extra lucky person would spin the wheel. The nation would then watch the ball dart around the wheel, bouncing along until it slowly came to a stop. Wherever the ball landed, that was your prize. Usually it would hop between 250,000 and 2,000 on the wheel, so you’d get the old “Is she going to win the big prize, is she, she is, she just won-” Ball hops one more time – “2,000 euro”. Ohhh, so close. The softly spoken presenter, who might have previously been a priest, would then say “Unlucky Mary but at least you got something. Aren’t you happy?” “I am” Mary would reply as she waves goodbye at the camera, her family in the audience hold up their banners and flags saying ‘GOOD GIRL MARY!’ ‘UP TYRONE!’ ‘COME ON THE PARISH!’

Classic show. Easy to see why Continue Reading »

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LonDumb – Part I

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Border Control

Unbelievable – EMF

Cab’s outside. My clothes are still wet. What. The. Funk. Dryer mysteriously died the night before. Damp garments strewn all over my abode. Dry, funkers, dry!! Need to pack you, you and you. Need ye all for my trip to London. Vital I have that white t-shirt and that white t-shirt and that pair of socks, vita- Actually. I’ve over packed as is, so, I, don’t. Ha. Cab man’s beeping. Com-ing! And out the door I go. Flustered little whure. Still on time. Just leaving packing until the very last minute. But. Not to worry. On the road! Just swing by Kailand’s house. Swoop her up. My mighty London trip partner in crime. Honk honk. Out comes Kailand and her smaller suitcase up. How is hers smaller than mine? Maybe a more ergonomical packer? Is ergonomical even a word? Who knows, who cares, I’m sweating, lugging luggage, my top’s now off, panting in the back off the mini bus, Jesus, L.A is hot today, and now we are actually on our way. Off to England for a spot of tea and crumpets. LonDumb, here we… Ahem.

Sweaty Boy

Check in. Air New Zealand. Bumped up. Premium. Oh Betsy. Mighty. Notice Mischa Barton checking in one ahead. Moving up to the C-List of the world. Security. Sandwich. Wait. Board. Dancing. Suss out our seats. Appears we have done well. Premium means pod. As in instead of a cramped row of seats in the mule class behind, we are now swimming in space in a pod like container. Buckets of room. Kind of like First Class. But just not quite. Still. Pod class all the way. Flying like winners across the Atlantic. Mighty. Highly recommended!

Pod Air New Zealand

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Book Trailer. And… ANOTHER Leaked Chapter?!

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Hello fine folk of le blogaruu. How are you? That’s nice. Just got back from the most mightiest trip ever. First stop was a blissful couple of weeks in heaven. (Private tropical island with miles and miles of pink sand, rum punches and no bodies.) Followed by a brief detour in hell. (Vegas. Stag party. Fun. Funk. Fear.) All adventures shall soon be scribbled down. Normal blogaruu service shall soon be resumed. The whole writing a book affair really put a dampener on things. Awful altogether. Subjecting you to those Joke of the Day monstrosities. Tut.

Unfortunately I am now, as we say, goosed. So I must sleep. Rest. Be merry. And then I’ll scribble the gibber. To tie you over, I found this mighty book trailer for RanDumber. (Out. Very. Soon!)

And also, I just found out someone has leaked another chapter from said book. How on earth is it being leaked drip by drip? Who would do such a thing?! Tut.

Read. On.

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 2 Leaked

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Lovin’ You – Minnie Riperton

Someone’s Leaked My New Book RanDumber?!?

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Holiday (Madonna Cover) – Capital Cities

Sweet Lord. Just found out someone’s leaked part of my new book, RanDumber. No clue who? Or how they got the file? Hmm. Must’ve broken in. Swooped the chapter. And now it’s all over the web. Shared on Pirate Bay. Mediafire. BitTorrent. Twitter. Facebook. Myspace. Even Bebo! How did it end up on Bebo?! Ah well. Not much I can do about it now. Authorities have been notified. We’ll catch the feck who leaked it, don’t you worry at all. Until then, I suppose if it’s out there and people are sharing it, feel free to share it too so then we can all: Read on!!!

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 1 Leaked

Rumour has it another chapter will be leaked sometime this week… What what!?!

Killing me.

Share on!

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Although look what arrived today…

Sweet. Lord. Betsy. She is a real thing. And feels mighty! Big fan of the rear…

Only a pre-order, so not available yet to the public masses. Soon though. She shall be set free. And then. Demented. Headless. Chicken. Run. Dumb. Er. On!

Until then, I am off on a little adventure. Going to the Island of the Unknown down by the sea of sun, sand and rum punches. On a mighty device called a jet. Which are particularly mightier when private. If you know what I mean. Wuu. Clothes off. Carribe. On. Duu!

Here’s a mix to keep you company while I am gone. Made it in the back of my car today while stuck in traffic. Kind of odd. But. Dance. On. And on. And. On!

The Lump

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Harvest Moon – Neil Young

For all of those asking, I’ve been on a breaking. Finished up a big lump of a book draft, over 171,000 words of muck. Some chunk. Needed a break for a week. Thank you.

While on holiday I’ve been spending some time in a couple of my buddies’ studios. Working on their albums. I sat in. Watched them weave their magic. Unleash their genius. Fun to watch. Funking mighty, actually. Some ridiculously savage songs on the way. Ye heard it here first! Gems all round!!!

While watching and inputing and twiddling and singing along, I also realised that them and I are all in a similar situation. Kind of. See, they’re working on albums. I’m working on a book. They have lots of songs. I have lots and lots of words. They need to pick out the best ones. And I need to pick out my best ones. Amazing.

However, mine is a far, far, far tougher task. Obviously. Continue Reading »

Miami, Unreal! Private Jets, Dancing! Sludge, Eh…

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Miami – Will Smith

Car services picks me up. 9 bells. Slightly late. Balls. Farewell to Bob. Out the door. Back to London. Single parenthood over. 9.15. Good to go. Off to Van Nuys. Private airport. Same one in Entourage, I’m told en route. The Man. The Jack. Chowder. Charlotta. And a late ape. Weekend break in Miami. The Man’s generosity knows no boundaries! Giddy up! Flight leaving at 10 bells. Are we going to miss our time slot because of the late ape? Nay. No check-in. No security. Nothing. Drive up to a gate. Press the buzzer. Stay in the car. Drive through. Drops you off at the jet. Hassle free. Private on. Nice jet? Unreal. Like a G6? I think so. Oh Jesus. Jump out. Driver takes care of your luggage. You can just admire the view. No ID check. No shoes off. Belt off. Pants down. Nada. Just stroll on. Sit down. Stewardess says hi. Champagne? Bloody Mary? Cup of tea? Ehhh. All three? Oh Betsy!! Drug barons must be zipping to and fro? Miami on!!!

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Got Stood Up?

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Last week I finally giddied back up on the horse. Stand up sit down one. Aboot time. One might say. She has been a while. By my reckoning a couple months shy of a year. Long enough. Day of the show. Usual gibber… Ah shur I don’t actually even like doing it (Still debatable whether or not I actually do enjoy it. On the day. Covering my back. You know. Just. In. Case). Followed by me wondering if I had enough material for my set. Followed by writing a few pages more worth of gibber. Quantity. You know. Just in case. Followed be a few cocktails to calm the nerves. Back. Good to go. Thankfully. Turns out to be a… Continue Reading »