Tropical Hayes!

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For reasons unknown, all names shall be culled from this blogaruu. Except for mine. I’m going full on narcissistic. Tropical Hayes all the way!

So it’s the day after Halloween. Actually, the night. Limo pulls up outside my abode. It’s time. Put on my private jet pants. Grab my bag. Scuttle out. Hop in. High fives. Hello’s it going. And we’re on our way. Bob Hope airport. Here we dumb. Get lost en route. Find it again. Arrive. Punch in a code. Drive through a gate. Get out of the car. Look at our jet. Say hi to the pilot. And just walk on. The mightiest way to travel. No lines. No queues. No security. In. On. Out. Mighty!

Must say, this jet was the best I’ve been on. Leather here. Plush there. King size bed in the back. Pardon? What do you mean? A bed? In the back? Yes. A big old bed in the back. Mile-high-ty! We sit down. Hostess brings us a round of champagne. When in a Rome… Cheers! Wheels start rolling. You’re getting comfortable. And then suddenly you’re up, up and wahey! Way faster than a regular jet. Almost goes up like an elevator. Shwooop. Air born again. New beginning. On our way to an island in the Caribbean. Pants off. Caribb on! Continue Reading »

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RanDumber. Out Now. Free Book! Happy St. Pa’Tricks Day!

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Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners


I am quite giddy and also quite tired but both and neither matter. What matters is that RanDumber being available to buy online on Paddy’s Day is now a reality. Oh. Betsy. Dancing! Some day! HAPPY ST. PA’TRICKS HAYES ALL THE WAY!!!

As it stands, it’s available to buy on Amazon.com so far. You. Fecking. Beauty.

If you would like to get the ball rolling and snap a mighty copy up -> GO HERE!

For all the mighty Kindle readers out there -> GO HERE NOW!

Kindle folk in the UK -> YEE HUU!

In celebration of such a mighty occasion, RanDumb (rated #1 on Amazon Humor) shall be free for three days! If you would like that for  free-> GO HERE!

In case you were wondering, a mighty introduction was written by… Well just have a look and see. Duu. For now, I must sleep a bit. Did I tell you I saw Jerry Seinfeld in stand-up a few hours ago. What a show. What a man! Genius. Mighty to see. That is the bar. Could this day be any better?!! I’ll shall be back later with more gibber and a video to boot too. Wuu. Huu. Now go: Pants. Off. Read. On!!!!

Celebration – Kool & The Gang


Sad Fran. Sigh. Here I Dumb…

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The Wrestler – Bruce Springsteen


Tut. Sigh. Batman has his cave. Superman has that ice place. Ape boy man has San Fran. At least wuu to the huu for that certain ape boy man. Thankfully we all have a place to go when we need to write. And perhaps when we need to chill. Mighty for a mental break. Which in turn is mighty way to avoid a mental breakdown. I joke. Still a few years off that. Plan is to make various kinds of art. Not fall apart. Anyways, San Fran has been dancing. Start to finish. Which is tomorrow. Tut. Sad to leave. Came up for my cousin’s wedding. Congrats again. Ate. Drank. Was merry. Even more so when I saw an 82 year old Gran dominate the dance-floor at the afters. And I mean dominate. Knees up. Elbows out. Grooving on! Dance on Granny! Fun and soothing times in San Fran. Although perhaps coming up here is more of a symbol. See I’m not right in the middle of downtown San Fran. More a metaphorical hut in the hills. Cabin in the mountains. Zero distraction. Perfect getaway from the nutter-ness of L-Hey. Tut. Continue Reading »

Enough Talk, More Music!!!

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DJigging can be quite perky. Lately I’ve been getting a fair bit of stuff. Free stuff. Wallets. Bags. Runners. Jeans. T-shirts! Perk up. Free on! Between you and I, I also got something else recently… No, not one of them… Merely a brain cloud. Wuu! I joke. Not a fan. Gladly swap for an hour long brain freeze. Not sure where it came from. Happy out, out of the blue, cloudy inside. Foggy kind. Muggy. Muddy. Murky. What what?! Just got all this new free stuff? I mean… T-shirts?! My old flame! My former crack! And yet this cloud is here? Think. New stuff. Everyone likes new stuff! Also have new projects to start on. Just now starting to start them properly. Come on brain, think you whur- Actually… Could it be a… Cloud of uncertainty? Maybe. But why so… ? Well… You must really start those new projects. All spec. From scratch. And you do know that you won’t see bears or their fruit for a few months at least. Oh hello penny… Bears… Fruit… Always hopeful they’ll come quickly. Tut. Not how it works. Balls. Not… Patience time? Self motivate time? All that easier said than done gibber? It is? Balls! Alright. Head down. Discipline on. Not that you can complain either… I know… Projects on! Certainty lives in new t-shirts every week land. But at least the cloud was figured out. Rooted out. Light shining. Fog lifted. Now cleared. Projects started. Some people battle a boss. Others battle their brains. And I did get a mighty silver lining reminder… Unless your head is dancing in Larry land, stuff is pre-tty pointless. Happy always trumps stuff. Which is an amazing revelation. I know! Enough of this gibber. Feel free to leave any comments, tuts, curses, ungrateful ape, give me that stuff so and so forth, below. Anyways, enough talk, more music! Continue Reading »