Free The RanDumber Chapter – Yee Huu!

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Because The Night – Patti Smith

Chapter 19

First. Ever. Shhh…

Did I ever tell you I’m a fan of the crust? The heel. You know, the start and end parts of a loaf of bread. Whichever name you want to call that rose. Lot of folk don’t like it at all. But I’m a fan. Particularly when it’s toasted. Tasty. As. Funk!

So when I went to prepare a celebratory meal for myself last night, I did not mind that all I had left was one slice of bread crust. Horsed it into the toaster. Checked the fridge. What else do I have for this fine meal? Hmm. Fridge. Bare. Naked. Tut. Although, I do have two baby tomatoes left. Wonderful. Anything else? Sniff. Balls. Toast. Burning. Burnt. Ah Jiminy. Not to worry, I shall make do. Nothing can sour this mighty celebration!

In the end, I had: One burnt slice of toast. Two sliced tomatoes. And. A glass of gin, to wash it all down. Mmhmmm. Tasty. Horsed it into me. Two bites. Two chugs. Gone. Quite the feast. Quite the celebrations. Standing in my kitchen. Alone. In my underwear. Betsy. Momentous occasion! Rejoice! Could’ve been a burnt sock for all I care. Especially as moments earlier I had finally finished a full draft of my first ever book. Wuu huu!

Rambling. Boney. Skeleton. The first draft.

According to Hemingway: The shit one.

Or as a clown might say: Continue Reading »

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WINDLE! (Win A Kindle. Thank You.)

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Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger

Mighty times, blogaruu readers. Competition. Christmas. Santa. Baby. Jingles. All that horse gibber. Slightly earlier than originally planned but I forgot how dodge posting things is this time of year. Better if the winner gets it in time for Jesús’ birthday.

Anyway, up for grabs for one mighty blogaruu reader is une mighty: KINDLE 4!

Amazing.

Not the fancy Fire but as a wise owl once said:

Better than a kick in the Christmas balls.

Three ways you can enter: Continue Reading »

Wingless Wonder

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My ability to blogaruu is currently being hampered by other projects. And perhaps a 3-day hangover to boot. Ugh boots off. Projects on! Good few stories building too. Laziness is a divil. Go on the VIP at the Lakers! She shall come. For now. Pod on, pod on, pod on pod on pod on pod on pod ooooon, p-p-p-pod on…

Hearing Haze: Episode 6 – Wingless Wonder!
(Right click to download! iPod on!)

Man Made Mermaid

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Feed a man a fish. Feed him for a day.

Teach a man how to be  a fish. Funk him up for life.

Until he meets a mermaid.

And speaking of which… Why are there never any overweight mermaids?

Just two wonderful thoughts I had time to mull over this weekend. Quite the weekend. Five wonderful DJigging gigs somehow all fell through/got pushed back/evaporated. Mighty stuff. Ted Danson. Dancing on. On the upside. Slipped on my hibernation slippers. Read two books. Watched a few DVDs. Wrote out a couple of mighty proposals! Work to be done. So time to go duu. Short and brief. Pod-g on… Continue Reading »

Pod On. Pod On. Pod-On Pod-On Pod-On…

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Having slight technical difficulties with le podcasts. As in they keep deleting themselves for some fun, computer freezing reason. Huge numbers have being tuning in  too! I think. Go on the pod. Peas in a panther. Ehh… Yeah. Part 2 on… Continue Reading »

Hearing Haze!

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Like all good teachers, Sex Boy Dave reminded me of a valuable lesson on Wednesday… People love free stuff! Sexy Boy Dave being a comedian at stand-up the other night. Obviously. Self-claimed self-made millionaire. Selling sex toys online. Unfortunately for Sex Boy Dave, everything I have wrote so far is at least thrice as funny as his brutally cocky act. Brutal. Still though, in fairness to him, he did remind me that people are big fans of free. But while Sex Boy Dave finally managed to get himself a few cheers by handing out various sex toys from his website at the end of his act, my free gift is more aural pleasure for your ears. Tut. My bad. New member to the online media familia… Blogaruu… Vlogaruu… And now… Podaruu! Free chapters from my book. In the shape of podcasts! Aural on! Name of the podcast shall be ‘Hearing Haze… Not just a phase!’ Now you can download and listen to my gibber on the go. iPods on. Mighty. Wuu huu! Sex Boy Dave… Nada on my gift!  So without any further a duu, my first attempt. Tad rough. Rambling. But a mighty little beast!!! Perk up an ear. Listen on… Continue Reading »

Enough Talk, More Music!!!

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DJigging can be quite perky. Lately I’ve been getting a fair bit of stuff. Free stuff. Wallets. Bags. Runners. Jeans. T-shirts! Perk up. Free on! Between you and I, I also got something else recently… No, not one of them… Merely a brain cloud. Wuu! I joke. Not a fan. Gladly swap for an hour long brain freeze. Not sure where it came from. Happy out, out of the blue, cloudy inside. Foggy kind. Muggy. Muddy. Murky. What what?! Just got all this new free stuff? I mean… T-shirts?! My old flame! My former crack! And yet this cloud is here? Think. New stuff. Everyone likes new stuff! Also have new projects to start on. Just now starting to start them properly. Come on brain, think you whur- Actually… Could it be a… Cloud of uncertainty? Maybe. But why so… ? Well… You must really start those new projects. All spec. From scratch. And you do know that you won’t see bears or their fruit for a few months at least. Oh hello penny… Bears… Fruit… Always hopeful they’ll come quickly. Tut. Not how it works. Balls. Not… Patience time? Self motivate time? All that easier said than done gibber? It is? Balls! Alright. Head down. Discipline on. Not that you can complain either… I know… Projects on! Certainty lives in new t-shirts every week land. But at least the cloud was figured out. Rooted out. Light shining. Fog lifted. Now cleared. Projects started. Some people battle a boss. Others battle their brains. And I did get a mighty silver lining reminder… Unless your head is dancing in Larry land, stuff is pre-tty pointless. Happy always trumps stuff. Which is an amazing revelation. I know! Enough of this gibber. Feel free to leave any comments, tuts, curses, ungrateful ape, give me that stuff so and so forth, below. Anyways, enough talk, more music! Continue Reading »