A Hollywood Christmess Story

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Sant

In Dulci Jubilo – Mike Oldfield


Merry Christmas RanDummies and mighty blogaruu readers! Hope you are still getting your turkey sweats on. While you do, why not enjoy this piece which I wrote for an Irish paper recently. Pants off. Trifle. On!

A Hollywood Christmess Story

Is that Slash? Hmm. Is he looking at me? Hmm. Not sure. Is it him? Is he real? Am I drunk? What’s going on? Hmm. I’m going back for a kip.

Next morn. Stephen’s Day. Boxing Day? Not sure what they call it here in L.A. Eyes open. I’m on a couch at Robbie Williams’ house. Awake. Alone. Alive. Stiff back. Slept awkwardly. No sign of Slash. No sign of anyone. All left. Or upstairs. Sleeping. Sensible folk. Unlike me and my dry mouth. Tastes like glue. And so this is Christmas. Continue Reading »

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This Is What Mass In WeHo Is Like…

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Chapter 15

 Wigs, Wine & Weirdos

“Oh God. Why am I holding this man’s hand?” ’Twas the night before Christmas Eve and all was… Dead. First Christmas away from home. Away from the family. Away from my Mum’s mighty Christmas dinner. Aww. Poor little Merrick. Woe is me. All week I’ve been constantly asked, “Will you not miss going home to Ireland for it?” “Well, it would be preferred, but I’ll just have to make do.” Making sure to add, “And besides… In this economy? Hm.” That part usually confuses them enough to ask no more. Besides, I’m sure Cork will miss me just as much. Only the other day did a buddy Diane tell me, “Oh, eh, yeah. Christmas just won’t be the same if you’re not here. Like Disneyland without Mickey Mouse, so it will.”

So that was nice. Being compared to a mouse. Mighty. Anyway, last night I did the 12 Pubs of Christmas. Woke up this morning. Still full to the brim with Christmas cheer. Plan was to go to Charlotte’s for Christmas dinner. First, mass. Must go to Catholic Mass on Christmas Day, my Mum would kill me if she found out I didn’t! As it happens, two churches right around the corner from me. Go on the Google Maps. Hop out of bed. Bounce off a wall. Christmas clothes on. Scuttle around the corner. Blessed myself going into church. Found a seat. Sat down. Kneeled down. Stood up. Realised everyone else was still kneeling. Back down. Spaced out. Joined in. Humming prayers. Head spinning slightly. Saw a sign on the wall: Continue Reading »

New Book. Naked. Cover… RANDUMBER!

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We’re Walking In The Air – Peter Auty


Mighty news: I kind of finished my second book… RANDUMBER!

Wuu huu!

Full title of the mighty beast:

RanDumber: The Continued Adventures of an Irish Guy in LA!

I say kind of finished because I still have to do the final read through and read over the final batch of notes from the editor. However, most of my work is done.  Which is all one really cares about.

It was being edited and proof read as I was going along, so she was streamlined as much as possible. Finally finished the final chapter Wednesday night. All now rewritten. Tweaked. Sorted. Dancing! Mighty word count to end on as well… Continue Reading »

Santa Touched Me. Felt. Liked. Christmas!

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If It Wasn’t For You – Various Cruelties


Dark. Dreary. Drab. Depressing. Dire. Dismal. Doleful. Dreadful. Downer. Dose. Big bulbous buckets of gushing water. Tut. The week before Christmas the rain held a reign of terror over L.A. Brutal. In every way. I know. But it did. People can’t cope. Simply melt away at the sight of rain. Panic kicks in. Folk freak out. Mighty fun really. Particularly the week before Christmas. The week when the fun and anticipation is meant to be kicking in. The week when the Christmas spirit is mean’t to be freaking you out! In a good way. Instead. Just surrounded by wet moaning non-believers (in Christmas). Kind of weird too seeing as Christmas is full on advertised everywhere. TV non-stop. Every show has a Christmas special. Every shop has a Christmas sale. Every person… Doesn’t really give a hoot aboot it. Almost everyone anyways. Almost all Americans at least. Europeans were believers. Just surrounded by non. Asked an American buddy if he was looking forward to his Christmas dinner… Dinner? I’ll eat dinner when I’m hungry I guess. A burger or something? I don’t know. What do you mean? Oh Jesus. Christmas buzz, in full swing! Closest it felt to being like Christmas in any way was when I accidentally knocked over the Christmas tree in the foyer of my building. Lugging in DJ gear out of the rain. Wet shoes. Wet leaf. Wet floor. Slip. Catch. Bag. Balls. Fall. Tree. Fall. Catch. Ish. Christmas balls. Everywhere. Picked it up and danced on as quick as a can. And you know how quick cans can dance! No harm done. Just my composure. Shhh. And so this was Christmas… ? Continue Reading »

Tatukuu!

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Tonight is all about random ramblings. As of late, I have been pretty cooped up. And when I’m cooped up, I find my gibberdish begins to over-flow. Flowing beyond belief tonight. Although that also might have something to do with me licking glue off my fingers earlier. Unintentionally. More innocent than you may think. While gluing something together, a lot of glue got on my fingers. Needing to quickly wipe it off, I quickly licked it off. Perhaps thinking it was cream. Innocent. Still dumb.

Anyways, good things actually come about from an over-flowing gibberdish. Even more so when my brain starts to kick in. Which usually happens either just before I’m about to fall asleep, or when I’m in the shower. Tonight it was clean and creative time. Epiphanies popping up all over the shop. Yelps of ‘Wuu duu’ for joy in the shower. Book related. Extra workload related. Evolution. All good. Pre-glue. So even better. Continue Reading »

Feel It… Feel It!!!

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Have you ever felt invalid? Actually, that’s wrong, I’ll rephrase that… Have you ever made yourself feel like an invalid? If you ever want to, here’s an efficient way. Simply walk to the gym. Using a crutch. Carrying a can of Red Bull. A bottle of water. Your phone. Plus your iPod. And finally, your keys too. Not forgetting, you’re devoting one arm and hand fully to the crutch. And you’ve worn your shorts with no pockets. Carrying all the rest more or less with the one free hand. Ok, now to make yourself feel a bit useless, here’s what to do. Continue Reading »