Tropical Hayes!

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For reasons unknown, all names shall be culled from this blogaruu. Except for mine. I’m going full on narcissistic. Tropical Hayes all the way!

So it’s the day after Halloween. Actually, the night. Limo pulls up outside my abode. It’s time. Put on my private jet pants. Grab my bag. Scuttle out. Hop in. High fives. Hello’s it going. And we’re on our way. Bob Hope airport. Here we dumb. Get lost en route. Find it again. Arrive. Punch in a code. Drive through a gate. Get out of the car. Look at our jet. Say hi to the pilot. And just walk on. The mightiest way to travel. No lines. No queues. No security. In. On. Out. Mighty!

Must say, this jet was the best I’ve been on. Leather here. Plush there. King size bed in the back. Pardon? What do you mean? A bed? In the back? Yes. A big old bed in the back. Mile-high-ty! We sit down. Hostess brings us a round of champagne. When in a Rome… Cheers! Wheels start rolling. You’re getting comfortable. And then suddenly you’re up, up and wahey! Way faster than a regular jet. Almost goes up like an elevator. Shwooop. Air born again. New beginning. On our way to an island in the Caribbean. Pants off. Caribb on! Continue Reading »

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#16 – Steak Joke

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Need You Tonight – Inxs

Alright. Calm down. Part III on the way. Tad busy today. Until my write is on, why not laugh heartily along to some steak humour: Joke of the Day – Wahey!

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: GO HERE!

It Was All A Dream… (Part II)

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Dreadlock Holiday – 10cc

‘Hey mon… Hey womon… Hey wom-on, come sit on my lap wom-on. I take good care of you my wom-on, OK. You no need to worry about any of that no more my wom-on. You be my white prin-cess…’

Within an hour of landing, I had become a fully fledged Pirate of the Caribbean. (Illegally downloaded a copy of RanDumb from a torrent site. Say nothing.) Within a week of landing, this pirate had been transformed. Adventure. On! 

So we land. Get off the jet. And then what? Drive through a pitch black rainforest, past pineapple fields, up to the top of a mountain, to a secluded hidden restaurant that turns out to also be an art gallery, overlooking the island – Check!

My mouth started Continue Reading »

It Was All A Dream…

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(This shall be the first part of a however-many-parts-it-takes-parter series about my recent mighty adventure to Heaven and Hell. Split it up. One blogaruu all on its own could be a tad long perhaps indeed. Read. On!)

This Sweet Love (Prins Thomas Sneaky Edit) – James Yuill

Like all mighty trips to heaven, I didn’t sleep much the night before. Packing. Shaving. Showering. Procrastinating. You know, the usual. Gibber. Maybe an hour and half worth of kippage. Woke up. Freaked. Oh dear God: Did I sleep in? Miss it all? Again? Phew. Nay. And then you hear the horn. Honk honk. Car service. At your service. Outside the door. Here. Ready. Let’s do it. Let’s go. Adventure. On!

As a wise owl once said: Private jets are Continue Reading »

Book Trailer. And… ANOTHER Leaked Chapter?!

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Hello fine folk of le blogaruu. How are you? That’s nice. Just got back from the most mightiest trip ever. First stop was a blissful couple of weeks in heaven. (Private tropical island with miles and miles of pink sand, rum punches and no bodies.) Followed by a brief detour in hell. (Vegas. Stag party. Fun. Funk. Fear.) All adventures shall soon be scribbled down. Normal blogaruu service shall soon be resumed. The whole writing a book affair really put a dampener on things. Awful altogether. Subjecting you to those Joke of the Day monstrosities. Tut.

Unfortunately I am now, as we say, goosed. So I must sleep. Rest. Be merry. And then I’ll scribble the gibber. To tie you over, I found this mighty book trailer for RanDumber. (Out. Very. Soon!)

And also, I just found out someone has leaked another chapter from said book. How on earth is it being leaked drip by drip? Who would do such a thing?! Tut.

Read. On.

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 2 Leaked

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Lovin’ You – Minnie Riperton

Someone’s Leaked My New Book RanDumber?!?

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Holiday (Madonna Cover) – Capital Cities

Sweet Lord. Just found out someone’s leaked part of my new book, RanDumber. No clue who? Or how they got the file? Hmm. Must’ve broken in. Swooped the chapter. And now it’s all over the web. Shared on Pirate Bay. Mediafire. BitTorrent. Twitter. Facebook. Myspace. Even Bebo! How did it end up on Bebo?! Ah well. Not much I can do about it now. Authorities have been notified. We’ll catch the feck who leaked it, don’t you worry at all. Until then, I suppose if it’s out there and people are sharing it, feel free to share it too so then we can all: Read on!!!

Click to Read -> RanDumber Chapter 1 Leaked

Rumour has it another chapter will be leaked sometime this week… What what!?!

Killing me.

Share on!

Read My First Wonderful Book – RanDumb: Click!

Although look what arrived today…

Sweet. Lord. Betsy. She is a real thing. And feels mighty! Big fan of the rear…

Only a pre-order, so not available yet to the public masses. Soon though. She shall be set free. And then. Demented. Headless. Chicken. Run. Dumb. Er. On!

Until then, I am off on a little adventure. Going to the Island of the Unknown down by the sea of sun, sand and rum punches. On a mighty device called a jet. Which are particularly mightier when private. If you know what I mean. Wuu. Clothes off. Carribe. On. Duu!

Here’s a mix to keep you company while I am gone. Made it in the back of my car today while stuck in traffic. Kind of odd. But. Dance. On. And on. And. On!