Simple… Steak. Or. Salmon?

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One recent day, I realised something of insignificant importance. As in very little. Especially when you go day to day. If I was to go year to year, however, it might be something. Either way, I suppose, nonetheless, a thing of some note. Roughly, it’s been about one year since I set off on my dumb mission to L.A. Dumb, seeing as I had no clue what mission exactly. (Maybe should be using ‘have’ instead of ‘had’. Ha. D. Ve).

Might not be the best time to write this, as my brain is weary. Although, I do need to wake it up, so maybe the perfect time to try and kick it up a gear. Crystal clear arguments from both sides. Well done. Anyways, I was trying to compare today, with what I was like a year ago. Let’s see the vast progress. Immense strides I have made! No longer clueless! Might do a list. Which would just blow my mind with delight! Eh, actually, I’ll hold off with that one. I may have chosen the wrong day to compare, to be true.  

Yebbing & Lowing

Woke up. Cramps in my stomach. Pains. I knew why. Which led me to focus on one thing. Giddy up the flow of income. Ploughed into emailing people. More regular income is needed. Instead of bangs. Ebbs. And no’s. Sporadic to say the least. Ebbs. Flows. Disappears. Ebbs. Grows. Disappears. Over and over. Month to month. Knowing. Sorted. Reverse. Land of unknown. Spurts. Relax. Carefree. Ish. Full stop. Start again. Throbbing. Pulse. Back of my head. Anyways, made a few phone calls. Follow ups. Emails. Wait. Could sit. Instead. Just keep knocking on more doors. Regular flow of income, I do not remember you so well.

What Do You Call A Rose...

Next chunk of my day was spent in complete thought. Trying to figure something out. Not able to do anything productive, until I settle the matter in my head. Two characters in the book. Naming issues. First draft. For some reason. Changed horses midstream. Far too rambling to go into why so, here. I mean rambling. Now. Decision. Go with this? Or change it to that? Names. Googling. Searching. Names. Meanings. Metaphors. Rhyming. Sounds. Syllables. Suitability. Saying them alone. Saying them together. Pointlessly asking other people. Getting good feedback on both choices. Given further feedback on these further new options. Pointlessly clouding my own thoughts even more. An afternoon and evening well spent. Time for the gym.

Honestly, thank funk for the gym. I realised that yesterday. Some place to clear the head. Gym for the marsh. Music for the soul. A lot to be said. Even if you’re not doing much. Minimum. Just being there alone seems to be enough at times. Lost in thought. Giddying up out of the marsh. Fairly uneventful trip to le gym. Well, just the end was slightly odd. Particularly when feeling weary. I prefer to shower at home. Various reasons. One random reason so… Showers basically show your silhouette to everyone in the reception area. Men’s on one side. Women’s on the other side. See what is going on now and again. Friendliness. On one side. Only ever on one side. Not knocking the gym. Big fan of it. I just don’t shower there. And avoid eye contact with certain nuts in there. 

Avoid Eye To Hand Contact

Into the changing room afterwards. Weigh myself. Then go home. Threw my towel and bottle of water onto a bench by the scales. My inability to throw a towel on a bench once again kicked in. Even if I place a towel on a bench, it will invariably slip off. No clue why. But it does. Slipped. Instinctively went to grab it. Another towel dropped on the ground by it. Again, instinctively picked it up. Handed it over. Realised. It had been thrown to the floor. Naked dude. Naked weird dude. Giving me a naked weird dude smile. Holding both towels for too long as I handed his one back. Smiling at me. Staring into my soul. Seeing if I would smile back. Which I realised must be code perhaps. Who knows. All I knew. Was that I’ll weigh myself somewhere else. Some other time. Giddy up. Home.

Home. Phone call. Cousin. Wedding coming up in San Fran soon. Filled me in. Asked me a simple enough question. Very simple, in fact. For the meal, did I want salmon or steak? Mentioned it in passing. Choice. Reminded me. Still hadn’t made a decision. Two names. Which combo to go with. Maybe my cousin will know. The right answer. To my rhetorical question. Which pointless answer will I go with to this pointless conundrum? Names. Leading to me to spiral. Down. Spitting out indecisiveness. Meal? Eh. Salmon. No, steak. Steak. Yeah, definitely salmon. Go with steak. I’ll have salmon. Steak. Salmon. Any chicken? Salmon. Steak. Definitely. Definitely. Which one? Oh, eh, I forgot. What are the options again? Ok, I’ll take another day or two to think about it. Thanks.

You Pick. No I Pick. We All Don't Pick!

Simple thing. Could not decide. For one ape. Some ape. I’d like steak. Salmon would be nice too. Especially if I’m going to be boozing. Don’t want to get too full. Sleepy after the meal and all that. But then I wouldn’t have to eat all the steak really. Could leave a bit behind. Although I have a problem with leaving food if it’s in front of me. Should I ring my cousin back, find out what else comes with the meal? Starter? Veg? Potatoes? Desert? Actually, would choosing the meal now, determine what type of wine I’ll be drinking as well? Because I’d prefer white. But with steak? I wonder if I should go with salmon. Which reminds me. I must buy a suit. Which reminds me. I must sort out my flights. Which reminds me. Steak or salmon? I wonder. Hmmm. I. Wonder. I know what I’m wondering. I’m wondering am I a funking idiot?!

Rent. Boy. Rent!

Finally. I went outside. Looked up. Star gazing. And saw a savage lunar halo in the sky. Pretty slick. As if the moon was a lightbulb in a big black ceiling. Surrounded by a lampshade ring. Made me forget my inner-monologue ravings. Chilled me out. Realised. Not like anything major had happened today to have me in such an odd mood. Maybe that was it. Nothing major happened. Stalling. Perhaps I’ve been using the book, as a cover. Avoid the real world. Now the book is almost close to being done. Getting asked what I’m going to do next. First thing I know of. Moving apartment. All converging at the same time of the month. Time when I get cramps. Mood swings. Cravings for a salmon flavoured steak. Monthly. Pains. Known. As. Rent. 

Year In A Day

Not too sure now what my whole point was starting off, to be honest. Rambled on. Year on, perhaps? Still as bizarre. Not sure. I know one thing at least. A good thing. All the rambling. Helped me to decide. Names I’m going with for the characters. Cramps disappeared for a while. Let my gut tell me. What I already knew. Same names I knew all along. At least that’s settled. Mood back on the up! Maybe that’s my point. Today might have just encapsulated a whole year. Give or take a few degrees of satisfaction/frustration. Circles. Knocking. Thinking. Gym. Music. Issues. Stars. Black hole. Last minute. Comes good. Vent on!  Ramble it out! 

Shame On Me (Viking Remix) – Amanda Blank


This F**king Job – Drive By Truckers


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2 thoughts on “Simple… Steak. Or. Salmon?

  1. I think you need to start including some illustrations of these people you encounter at the gym. I have been going to the gym for years and never had the color that you have while working out.

    Dont worry, you can’t control the winds or the turbulence along the way… only the destination and the will to keep heading that direction everyday. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

    • Various shades of pink to be true. I might get out the sketching board so and give a rough outline of how they looked. Burly. Leering eyes. Demeanour of a ballet dancer. Just have the draw that now.

      Too true about the turbulence. Mostly in my head I’d say. PMS. Plough on!

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